DISCUSSION: Mr. Softee and the Minute-Man

impotence4

A lovely blog-girlie I know in NYC is caught in a dilemma.
There’s a boy she likes. (They’re in their mid-20s.) Recently, they got to playing — making out hot and heavy for nearly an hour on the sofa. She was a little baffled to find he wasn’t getting hard, despite the heat. Being the caring, involved kinda gal she is, she thought she’d give him a hand — and head.
She went down on him and took his flaccid cock in her mouth. Now this was after reading my handy tips, so you know she’s got some skills, right? But there’s only so much you can do with a flaccid cock. Despite working away at him, Mr. Softee stayed soft. Mr. Softee’s management was very much into the services she was providing, but Softee itself wasn’t showing much approval at all, remaining almost entirely soft in her mouth.
Despite her bafflement, she forged on. It’s my understanding that many minutes had passed.
Then the boy told her he was going to come soon. She was stunned. He was still soft. He suddenly got semi-stiff for all of a minute, and then blew his load.
He then pretended everything was well and good and fine, that going from Mr. Softee to being the Minute-Man was hunky-dory.
(She also had made reference to him using his penis to caress her at various times, dragging it over her skin as if it were a feather and wondered if this was odd.)

_______________

Unfortunately for all of us, it’s hard to find info on the net about young men in their 20s having erectile dysfunctions. The band-aid seems to be “Viagra” this or “Cialis” that, which I think is bullshit, since it doesn’t deal with the issues as they need to be dealt with.
First of all, of course he’s going to pretend it’s all well and good. He’s a man and wasn’t able to be “rock hard,” like all the books and movies claim he’s got to be. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, men have a hell of a lot of pressure on them when it comes to being able to perform in sex. If he can’t get hard and stay hard, then society tells him he’s a sexual failure. He ain’t going to admit his failings to a hot chick unless pressed.
Second, the dragging-penis-on-skin thing isn’t that whacked, it’s just him trying to tell his penis he’s made a new friend, and Mr. Penis should like his sexy new friend. It’s just an attempt to get himself hard — and clearly it didn’t work.
I speculate that he has in the past been able to get himself hard, or else he wouldn’t have been willing to risk the humiliation with said chick. But I might be wrong.
I’d say see how things go next time around before you get too worried. I’d say he might have a lot of stress going on or financial problems preventing him from getting to where he wants to be. Maybe he’s an avid cyclist and it’s affecting his performance. Maybe he was coming down with something and that prevented him from being able to do his thing.
I’ve been with a guy who was unable to get it up for a few days, about a week. Knowing what his true skills were, I tried not to take it personally. I was patient, I was supportive, and I didn’t pressure him. And when Mr. Stiffee made his victorious return, my god, was I rewarded. But I had a past history with that lover, so I knew he had it in him. You, my dear, don’t have that vantage point, thus we’re reduced to speculation here.
This not-having-a-dick thing prevents me from really being an authority on such issues, so I’m wondering if my wonderful male readers could weigh in on this issue before my girl has a weekend date with said man, and I know that I can spur some discussion with this posting.
So, whatcha think, dear readers? How does she approach the guy when she sees him next? How can she bring this topic up when he can’t get up? Can you comment on whether or not he has a history of erections panning out for him, considering his willingness to get involved, or am I oversimplifying matters?

21 thoughts on “DISCUSSION: Mr. Softee and the Minute-Man

  1. Anonymous

    I agree with giving in a 2nd go around since there is all that pressure. Quality sex sometimes needs time to grow. But sex is a 2 way street and honesty before the frustration sits in is imperative.

  2. Adz

    Of course the stresses of life have an effect on a mans performance. But also, there might be some less known problems! You know like. Did the guy have a wank before he went out? Does he need to be spoken to? Dominated or dominant? Was the situation relaxed? Was the girl relaxed? Did he eat her pussy for a while first (I hear many guys get rock hard… the smell, the taste, the girl bucking towards his face etc etc) Does she smell good? Look good? Also how big is his penis? Some really big guys have trouble getting fully hard at anytime let alone in front of a hot chick! Something to look into perhaps… Anyway, all things considered, how about just talking to the guy? Ask a question or two perhaps. If there is a fear, find it, help him, especially if he’s a keeper! A second time is always worth it in that case.

    Steff, yet another fine piece.

  3. scribe called steff

    Anon — Yeah, otherwise things get worse as a result of the repressed angst and bitterness. True.

    Adz — Awesome comments/questions. Thanks for weighing in. 🙂 As far as I know, she’s a looker. That can work in her favour or against it, depending how confident a dude is.

  4. Anonymous

    yea, i agree. the ffirst time i had a make out session with my gf and then it “slipped” into sex, I was not the hardest guy in the world though i wanted to be. she was weirded out that i was only so hard and we got into this big thing. that was 8 months ago and we now have sex 3-4 times A DAY!! we had to get used to eachother.
    ALSO…he may have rubbed a few out that day. I’ve done it myself, where you don’t think you’re going to get laid and just wear yourself out.
    If you ejaculate then you can get hard. it just takes longer and you have to get very excited. Perhaps going down on her would’ve helped as well.
    I’d wait for round two as well.

  5. colonialave

    Love the post, Steff. I’ve always wondered about this . . .

    So this guy I used to date and I used to have lots of sex. He’d get really hard, we’d have sex and he’d be done before me. He’d feel bad and say “Don’t worry, we’ll go a second round.” In about ten/fifteen minutes he was back on top or whatever. He’d be softer – but it’d still work. Though . . . no big O for me. A break in sex distracts me – so gentlemen if you’re going to do it – do it once, and do it right 😉

    Feisty aren’t I?

  6. Wendy the Cavewyfe

    I have no first-hand cock-owners knowledge but I would like to say, I look forward to a day when guys feel ok to acknowledge a situation like this while it’s happening. We chicks have to be psychic cock detectives too much of the time.

    🙂

  7. scribe called steff

    Mr. Anon — Nice comment. Thanks for the male POV.

    Colonial — Yeah, you feisty bitch, you. Heh. I had a guy tell me recently that yoga was the best thing to ever happen to his sex life. All of a sudden he has more control and more patience and more endurance than he ever knew before. I wish more guys would realize there are things they can do to learn to have better control.

    KEGEL EXERCISES ARE NOT JUST FOR WOMEN, MEN. Try some yoga. It’s your first step towards Tantric bliss — and being able to satisfy your lover for longer than you thought possible.

    Wendy — I wonder what it’s going to take to reach that point, though. Societally, men are supposed to be strong, supposed to be dominant, and to admit a weakness like that is so frowned upon. I think guys have a lot of baggage to get past.

    But I’d really admire a guy who could say, “look, this is happening, and I’m willing to try and work through it with your help…” But guys aren’t wired that way. Not yet. And I think a lot of chicks make it difficult for men to make those kinds of admissions. Not necessarily chicks like US, but the chicks who have preceded us.

    Who knows. But yeah, I sure wish guys would own up to shit and put their pride away.

    There’s this verse I love from this song by Grant Lee Buffalo, “Dixie Drug Store” which perfectly sums up the rules a sexy, dominant woman should have:

    “She beckoned me on up the stairs
    For she’d done made up her mind
    Said ‘take off your hat and kick off your boots
    And leave your pride behind’ “

    In fact, I might put that somewhere in my bedroom. 😉

  8. Anonymous

    Not all guys need to be hard to have an orgasm, seemingly. I remember an incident where I had just started to get “handy.” Mr. Wiggly hadn’t even visibly (or in any way discernibly) reacted and KAPOW! There she blew! This guy had a short fuse at the best of times, but that broke even his record.

    A different Anonymous

  9. Anonymous

    I wonder if alcohol was involved. That can do weird things to a guys stuff.

    I have the same problem from time to time. Of course it has driven me to become a guy that will go down on a woman for an hour to make up for it. I guess maybe she should give him a shot and see if he is compensating like I am!

  10. Anonymous

    But, oh yeah, back to the topic of your post. If this guy seems to be a keeper, definitely give him another chance and if the situation repeats, address the issue afterwards, as in the next day. As one of the other anonymouses (anonymousi?) said, there are a number of reasons why this happened, most of which have nothing to do with the girl. As for her looks being so intimidating…sadly I don’t believe I have that problem!

    The same different Anonymous

  11. Anonymous

    By the way. Love your blog and I can’t recommend enough the enourmous value of the next blog link in the top right corner. I completely stumbled across this and now I am kind of addicted!

    SIGNED
    The Anonymous with the compensating eating issue!

  12. Walking Wounded

    I’m going to stay away from the medical issues since I tend to be long winded enough here and they need a lot of space to discuss. One thing I will say quick is that I hear from a couple of friends who are doctors that more and more men in this age group are having trouble for various medical reasons. A disheartening trend.

    Speaking from my experiences it could be one of two circumstances (or a little of both). The first we can call “stresses.” Regardless of the source, stress does weird things to everyone in particular guys. No two guys exhibit the symptoms of stress the same. Generally speaking, yes, being sick or on the verge of coming down with an illness can cause The Big Show to flop. There have been times when I could not achieve maximum stiffness while I had a headache. Although, the attention The Big Show received because I confessed I had a headache did help release some nice endorphins. They helped me get back to my former self.

    The second I call stage fright! Now this one is even more perplexing to a guy because it doesn’t necessarily have to do with a first time encounter. The most memorable stage fright The Big Show experienced was the first night I had sex with my ex-fiancee. Prior to that night we had fooled around and developed a taste for phone sex. So technically, the pump was primed and ready for her a number of times. But for whatever reason o that night The Big Show had a bit of stage fright. One thing that was cool is that she did not take immediate notice which allowed me to continue foreplay (which blew her mind) and eventually The Big Show commensed with the second act.

    The other time stage fright was an issue was when I first tried to have sex on a beach in the middle of an afternoon. I imagine this more had to do with getting caught in the act than anything else. But for a while it was like trying to thread a needle with my toes. Eventually, everything was really good! 😉

    As far as this guy is concerned, I would not have the girl really worry too much. Unless this turned her off so much that there will not be another chance for him to get passed this (and her to be more fulfilled), she will never really know the reason. As with anything talking is best. If the two of them are not at the comfort level where they can talk about this and not offend eachother, then they probably should not be intimate to begin with. Yes, the male ego can be a stumbling block. However, I think any guy with a decent grasp on reality realizes that if there is indeed a “problem” that it would be best shared and discussed with his partner.

    Just my two dollars and fifty cents worth. 🙂

    Peace

  13. Little Pink Girlie

    I have a friend who actually had surgery on his penis because of a doctor’s inappropriate decision during a procedure earlier in my friend’s life. Anyway, my point is this: Any kind of surgery in that area can damage the nerves.

    The guy in the scenario might not have ever had surgery, but sometimes the scar tissue is hidden well and it’s difficult to tell.

    But, my friend and I “test drove it” after the surgery – when he was comfortable with it. Now, when he gets aroused, he can’t make it go away!

    I also agree about the life circumstances influencing erections. To the girl: I say give him more chances if you’re into him. ;o)

  14. scribe called steff

    Anonymousi — Heh. Thanks for all those comments. It’s a strange world out there, and there are times I wish I had a cock, but THIS would not be one of them. It’s one of the great things about being a chick: Insert in slot A, rinse, and repeat.

    Walking Wounded — I knew you’d come through for me! Your comments are awesome, always so well-thought and enlightening. I had told my reader to watch out for your comment, and you’ve proved me right yet again.

    She’s gotten back to me and wants to know what she should say to the guy if this problem persists. What do you think?

    Pink Girlie — What, surgically induced Viagra symptoms? I’m sure there are many jealous men at the notion. Let’s call him “Overachiever.”

    And in case everyone’s wondering, she IS into him. I’ve asked for a report back after the next encounter and promise to update all on Mr. Softee and the Minute-Man. 🙂

  15. Steve

    I have to admit that I’ve never, ever had this problem. I guess I’m one of the lucky ones.

    I have been on the “other side” though, more than once with the same guy.

    It’s a terribly frustrating experience to be in because nothing I could do or say to him made it better. If I said nothing, he’d bite my head off for “pretending not to notice” and if I said something (even “don’t worry”) I’d feel insenstive and a bit stupid.

    More often than not he’d storm out of the bedroom and that would be that.

    Unfortunately, I have no advice to give because my attempts to handle this situation when I’ve been faced with it have been met with dismal failure.

    After Hours

  16. stretch td

    C’mon, this has happened to nearly every guy out there. It could be stress, it could be his mind wandering, it could be alcohol, it could be the image of some nun telling him that pre-marital sex is bad, it could be a million things. If the girl is really into him, give him a chance. In time, you will find what gets him hard and what doesn’t. He will find a way to pleasure her. His dikk may not be working but I’m sure he can make up with it with talented fingers or a willing tongue.

  17. scribe called steff

    Steve — Lemme guess who that would be. Yeesh, some people.

    Strech TD — Well, not every chick’s been on the receiving end of the “problem,” and when guys pretend nothing strange has happened, there’s a world of confusion for the chick who’s there for the first time.

    Such as this situation.

    But it’s a great comment, so thanks for pitching in!

  18. Michael Blowhard

    FWIW, a girlfriend once told me a similar story. She managed to lasso a well-known rock star into sex after a concert, went down on him, was surprised that he wasn’t getting hard, and then — kapow — he came in her mouth. Next day, she asked me how that was even possible. I had no idea — I’d never heard of such a thing. I’ve since been told, though, that the guy was a heroin addict. So maybe the heroin played a role …

  19. scribe called steff

    Oh, come on, Michael, you need to tell us who it was! 🙂

    That’s an awesome story.

    Oh, to be a fly on the wall.

    Doesn’t do a lot to inspire lust in arock stars, though!

  20. Dmonyar

    Okay, so maybe he’s really not that into to her… Or, if he’s got a physical problem that has become mental, then, I would surmise that this relationship is in trouble before it’s started. First rule: Communicate, Communicate, Communicate. If there is a problem who better than the woman who you want to be in this position in the first place?

    IMHO, I’d tell her this was a deal breaker. End of story.

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