Sexual Q& A: Water, Anyone?

A lovely female reader emailed me and asked me to keep her anonymous, but wanted to know the truth behind sex in the water. Does it enhance the experience?
STEFF RESPONDS:
I don’t know. I’ve never really gone there. I’ve had guys crash my bath and the feeble attempts at sex were laughable, since the tubs have always been too small. I’ve never had a decent sized tub, so why bother with a tub?
I mean, seriously, the last thing I need is my head knocking against a tile wall and my neck ramming against the stupid lip of the tub. Ergo, stay the fuck out and let me play with myself. I have plans for you later. Behave, and you’ll get your reward.
Sex in the shower, I’m so there. Lather me up and watch me go.
But sex in a body of water (ocean, lake, pond) has never been opportune, and sex in a pool, well, if that opportunity arises, I’m in like you wouldn’t believe.
But in wondering about the question, I thought I’d do some research.
Now, before we go further, let this be known: there are a lot of condom-integrity issues with sex in the water. Obviously we want to play safe. But if you’re in a safe, committed relationship where you’re both negative, those issues clearly won’t matter to you. There are other points below that will be relevant to you, too, though, so please read on.
It goes without saying, colder water temperatures are not conducive to stiffies staying stiff. You might as well just bid the hard-on goodbye, unless he’s some iron man who washes with Cheer for better cold-water performance or something.
Another problem is that of vaginal lubrication. You’ll be needing to search out a non-water soluble lube in order to do your aquatics routine, and lube will certainly be necessary, regardless of whether you require it in your regular sexual antics. A single bout of playing with your clit in the tub will prove that to you. (One small part of why I like oil baths. Mostly, it’s to have nice skin, of course.)
But you can’t do the oil-in-water during safe sex since the oil will seriously compromise your condom, possibly causing it to tear or break.
All right, back to the drawing board. What next, then?
Well, let’s say you’ve found yourself a wonderful non-soluble lube and you’re good to go exploring in, say, a swimming pool. Great! You’ve got the condoms, some nice umbrella-laden bevvies, and it’s game on.
Or is it? By hopping in that there pool, you’ve effectively stripped the condom’s spermicidal properties. Damn it! Foiled again. Even if the spermicide’s not a big concern for you, there’s the very increased likelihood of the condom either slipping off or ripping, again because of submersion and also the chlorination.
But I’ve saved the worst for last. Let’s say it’s a blissfully warm summer’s eve and there’s the smell of honeysuckle dancing in the air and a full moon, and no one but no one is by the beach this evening. You get that creative notion of sex in the water, and why not? No one’s around, life is quiet. Opportunity’s knocking.
Except for that small problem of parasites, bacteria, and organisms that are thriving in the water. Swimming is fine, but the whole forceful act of sex ensures that these micro-organisms that would normally never find their way up the vaginal tract will not only enter it, but will be thrust high up it, leading to any one of an array of vaginal infections.
(And those probabilities increase drastically in lakes and ponds, girlies.)
It sounded like such a good idea, didn’t it? Sadly, no.
So, really, if you’ve got a nice big soaker tub and you’re on the pill and you know you’re in a safe relationship, I say have at ‘er. If it’s a casual relationship and you don‘t mind rolling the dice with a less effective condom, then that’s great, too.
Otherwise, you might want to think twice.
As for enhancing the experience itself, let’s ask the rest of the school kids since my experiences could only be summed up as “feeble” and “headache-inducing.” Anyone able to testify on this? I’m particularly interested in hearing from women since they’re the ones who’ll be getting the raw end of the deal with the lube issues. What say you, kids? Is the aquatic givin’ gettin’ good?

16 thoughts on “Sexual Q& A: Water, Anyone?

  1. LeeLoreya

    “nice to know all this, i get smarter everyday with the cunting linguist”
    sounds a good catch phrase for your site no?

    (yes it is…a bit cheesy)

  2. scribe called steff

    Heh. I was thinking more along the lines of “Making the world a better place — one orgasm at a time,” actually. 😉

  3. Anonymous

    Steff,

    Really enjoyed the Good Girls’ Guide to Giving Head, and the whole blog for that matter. Fantastic.

    A question about sexual etiquette…

    I’m involved in a long-term relationship and we have a fantastic sex life.

    That often involves me coming on her breasts and neck. Occassionally I have accidentally (and I genuinely mean accidentally) shot too far and it’s landed on her face. She is never offended by this, and the thought of giving her a ‘proper’ facial turns me on massively. It’s not a denigrating thing at all in this instance, although I can see why some women and men think like that. But in this situation, in our relationship, it’s just another bit of sexual fun I’d like to try.

    But I’m cringeing with embarrassment at the thought of asking her.

    Any tips on how I can raise this? And any thoughts on general that you have about come ending up anywhere other than inside you (or a condom)?

    Baffled and anonymous…

  4. scribe called steff

    Ooh. There’s a doozy of a question.

    Yes, I have thoughts on both. I’m gonna put you in a queue, though. There are a couple others ahead of you, as interesting and provocative as your question is.

    I’ll post a response sometime this week, though.

    That should provide some fodder for conversation on here, so I want to post it after I get the smaller questions out of the way, and then I’ll leave it up for a couple days to generate more conversation, and maybe we’ll get other women weighing in on that for you.

    Deal? Deal.

  5. Shamus O'Drunkahan

    Making love in a pool is difficult. Hard surfaces, lubrication, there are a few obsticles but it was fun to try. Especially with people in a screened porch nearby. That added a whole new dimension.

  6. scribe called steff

    Anon — I’m getting more excited about answering your question. There’s SO MUCH that applies to it. If I gave out awards for questions, you would get a tin can for opening the largest can of worms yet.

    I’m a real feminist, regardless of how I may come across on my two blogs. I’m a grounded feminist, but one nonetheless. I’m getting really eager about tackling both the social ramifications and the sexual ones regarding your question.

    Man, I could kiss you! I love shit like this! BRING IT!

    SHAMUS — Ooh, you sex machine, you. Potential voyeurism in the pool! Love it! Nothing like getting it on and ignoring the very real potentiality that those around you know what’s going on.

    I’ve got things to say about sex in public. I think I’ll open a can of worms on that one myself. Excellent!

    Yeah, I don’t doubt that the sex itself is underwhelming in a pool, but I think it comes down to the EXPERIENCE. It’s funny how everyone says “Oh, when I get married I want a big wedding so I can proclaim my love in front of everyone…” yet we’re so intent on keeping sex private.

    What a fucking silly duplicitous society we live in. It’s time things changed. Good on you. Thanks for sharing. 🙂

    That wasn’t in White Rock, huh? Heh.

  7. scribe called steff

    POSTED IN A COMMENT ON THE PRECEDING POST WAS THIS, BY MR. W:
    On the issue of sex in the water – I think you’re rather right on. It’s hot to get it on out there on a secluded evening while on the lake, but you’re going to run risks, and while lube is the worry of women, the parasites and bacteria is the concern of us all, men and women.

    MY RESPONSE:
    Yeah, I’m sure the parasites etc are a concern for men, too, it’s just that it’s less likely to be as intrusive and potentially dangerous to men as it is to women, considering the entrance sizes of the two sexes. Still, I should have cited the shared concerns for both sexes, so I’m thankful you raised the issue.

    What I also should’ve mentioned was that my reader who initially posed the question had brought it up because of an old Premiere magazine that listed a sex-in-pond scene as the number-one sex scene ever filmed. Nice to know Hollywood’s (and other international film centres) still got their concerns for our welfare.

  8. Walking Wounded

    I have engaged in sex in water several times. Living on Long Island has its advantages. I prefer the secluded spots. Besides the sound, I have had sex in basically every type of body of water.

    I definitely like sex in the shower! I really like it en lieu of the tub because I have a rather large frame and there is barely enough room for me in a tub alone let alone with a shag. But when I actually have a home built, I would definitely look into having a larger whirlpool tub installed so I have the option.

    The best shower experience I had was while staying at a hotel. The shower stall was roomy and had two shower heads on opposite sides of the stall. My girlfriend liked showers rather hot, while I like them warmer but not too hot. Not only did the extra room make it very athletic, but the temperature control the two heads provided was excellent. Shower = Thumbs up!

    Sex in a calm body of water like a lake can be cool especially at night. However, I would suggest taking some care to chose a spot where the lake is relatively clean and you do not hear warnings of bacteria levels or anything like that. Safety is always best. But usually the swimmable lakes are crowded during the day so I went at night. I prefer this during the months of May and June. After June, you could basically call you and your partner masochists – the mosquitos will eat the two of you alive!

    I got down in a lake in May on my B-day when the water at night was a bit chilly. During the moment you are really thinking about other things. Plus, the sounds the two of you make seem like they are amplified, which heightens the excitement immensely. Instead of “letting it all out” my girl had to hold in and ended up climaxing a lot harder. Lake = Thumbs up!

    Sex in the L.I. Sound was fun BUT it turned out to be a downright buzz kill. The sound is a lot calmer than the ocean and the water near the shore is full of very large bolders deposited there by glaciers millions of years ago. Anywho, under the water they are coated with a layer of razor-sharp barnacles. So as we were out floating around, I asked my girl at that time if she wanted to fool around. She was up for on shore but it was during the day and the beach had a few people about. So we fooled around in the water. As we were getting busy the current started carrying us parallel to the shore. While I was basically in a back-stroke position with my girl on top it was pretty comical and had an interesting sensation. So I rolled a bit and basically we were positioned like a missionary position, with her legs straddled around me and my legs just dragging along. Bad idea. Because the next thing I know the current dragged me over a bolder under the water covered with barnacles. My girl didn’t get a scratch, but the top of both of my thighs looked like a cat’s scratching posts. Nut fun at all and I am not even talking about the pain. Basically, this cut the afternoon short and when we got back to my place we both showers and she decided to douche. The cuts were even more painful in the shower (yikes). Sound/Ocean = Thumbs down!

    Lastly, is the hot tub. Very nice however, take this advice. Use non-water based lube in the hot tub if the two of you are seriously gonna get down! Usually, hot tubs have bromine or chlorine in the water which can make the water harsh even if the tub has a water softener hooked up. You have more control over this if you own your own, of course. With two different partners I heard two diffeent things. One (sans lube) was sore after words (as was I, mildly) and the other (was lube) was not. So now I suggest it to my friends who have hot tubs. Hot tub w/ lube = Thumbs way up!

    Spies? Who gives a crap as long as you are not doing the bone dance at the kiddie pool!

    Peace

  9. Anonymous

    Glad you like it, Steff.

    I thought when I was writing it there was a fair bit for you to get your teeth into!

    Enjoy…

  10. scribe called steff

    Walking — Nice! The post-coital douching sounded like a brilliant plan on her part.

    I think it’s unlikely I’ll ever fuck in a body of water. I have this stupid, stupid fear of amphibian thingie-things that keeps me a little iffy about it all. I’ve had sex on a riverbank, in a forest, under a hilltop oak, and in all manner of public spots, but bodies of water leave me apprehensive. All those things… Tsk. One of the rare times I’m a girlie-girl.

    As far as sex in a public pool goes, I’d love to head up to Whistler or something with a man and jump some rich fucker’s fence at 4:30 in the morning and have silent sex in someone’s private pool. I’d love the daring nature of it. I’d totally get off on the would-be voyeurism of it all.

    And I’m very, very, very good at not getting caught at anything, ever. I love getting away with all the shit I pull. It’s bliss.

    ANON — And I so do love sinking my teeth in things.

    It’s written already, I’ll have you know. I spent about six hours writing on various topics today, and the response to THAT question is among the longest of items I’ve written for this post. But damn you, you steered me off the Saga of J, which is still niggling in the back of my mind.

    GRR. I growl at you.

  11. Anonymous

    Just an addition to the possibility of “various infections”…

    I cannot have sex in ANY body of water…If I even think about playing or touching or even all out having sex in a tub, a pool, a hot tub, a shower (if sitting down or collapsing & letting water “pool up” around me) I end up with an UTI, which is NOT a comfortable thing. Of course, I might be a little more sensitive to them, as I’ve always had chronic UTIs over the years (starting waaaay before puberty.)

    Anyway, just be careful 🙂

  12. scribe called steff

    Ick! Poor you. 🙁

    Thank god that doesn’t afflict me. WHEW. Thanks for weighing in.

    I sometimes wonder if men understand all the various issues women can have with their plumbing, how difficult it can be at times.

    I knew a chick who loved, loved, loved sex but was never able to go at it more than twice in a night or she’d risk a serious UTI or some other kind of infection. I know I had one wonderful night of going at it all night long once, and the next day came down with some really unpleasant experiences. I’ve done the same thing other times and haven’t had a problem, but the possibility seems to always be there — not just for me, but for all chicks.

    It’s really unfortunate how vulnerable our systems can sometimes be. I know it’s been the bane of many chicks I know.

    Thanks for bringing a less-than-pleasant, yet-important topic up for noting.

  13. Anonymous

    I know this is a pretty old post, but….

    I am addicted to water anyway. I love it. I can spend well over an hour in the shower, and that’s not playtime. It just seems to help me destress, and helps my creative process as well (I write).
    An experience my fiance and I had definitely made the sex-in-the-water thing something very high on my list.
    We were at Lake Michigan. I love the lake like crazy, even if it is probably full of more nasties than you care to think about. We had been sitting on the beach for a while, teasing each other…we were both rather horny, since we were visiting relatives, and none of them would approve of us having sex before we’re married…this was well into the second week. My darling sibling chooses to come jogging by several times. (Curses!)
    Apparently, the car was waiting in the parking lot to the beach. We decided to move our stuff to it, including my glasses, and go swimming. (I am nigh unto blind without them…hands fuzzy at 2 inches from my nose.) The sibling decided he was too nervous about losing the car keys if they were attached to his swimsuit, so he left them in the car.
    Unbeknownst to us, one of the relatives came along and noticed the unlocked car. This was quickly rectified. So, glasses, shoes, towels, what-have-you–and keys–were locked in. The mortified sibling left for the nearest relative’s house to call for the other set of keys.
    This left us alone at last. We scurried down into the happily concealing but frigid water, and began molesting each other under cover of the waves. Somehow, we were wound up enough that the icy lake didn’t do a thing towards cooling our ardor. (Temperature differentials actually tend to turn me on, but that’s just me)
    In any case, the feeling of burning hot cock inside you when the rest of you is surrounded by cold water is incredibly erotic.
    Sadly, we were interrupted again by the evil jogging sibling, back with keys, but we have not passed up an opportunity to attempt something in the shower/bath or in the pool at night since….

  14. john

    Sex in public places, sex in front of people, and even temperature differentials – all really good.
    The water? Nertz. Doesn’t work – no matter how excited we are, the lubrication just goes away – and forget application of artificial, which just disappears. Even tried butter – which just doesn’t make it. Glad it worked for you, Anonymous, but for us, its a non-starter. The closest we get is that one of us soaps the other up in the bathtub and masturbates him/her. the only thing in the water is our feet. :\

  15. R

    Old post I know, but a very good one, and everybody else appears to be responding late too (I only started following your twitter in the last few weeks).
    Definitely shower sex, lots of it.
    Soaker tubs haven’t worked out for us however.
    The best overall water sex experience, was somewhat odd, but also thrilling. A gay friend of mine had a 19th Birthday party thrown for him by his well-off sugar daddy. Pretty late in the evening my girlfriend and I ended up the only two people in the hot tub, nude, and thanks to a bottle of silicone lube that we were handed, proceeded to get it on very nicely, surrounded by plenty of gay guys and lesbians (outside the hot tub), who didn’t have any problem with it :-).

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