Sexual Q & A: Threesomes


Tonight’s topic? Menage a trois.
HERMES ASKS: Threesomes?

STEFF ANSWERS:
Oh, my. I’ve never really given threesomes a lot of thought. No guy I’ve been with has ever brought the topic up or asked if I’d be willing. So, I’m going to just run with my train of thought here. Bear with me.
So, have I? No.
Would I? I think so. Depends on the extra wheel.
The “extra wheel” stipulation brings us to the dilemma of two guys versus two girls… Which brings us firstly to the dilemma of anal.
I’ve done anal, not just once, and didn’t enjoy it (painful, awkward). Maybe it was the guy, I don’t know. I’d probably try it again in the future since my attitude towards things has been expanding quite a bit in the last year or so, if the right partner came along. I stress the latter. (It’s also a size-dependent issue, if you get my drift.)
But going at it with two guys would probably be better suited if I was a fan of anal. Given that I’m not, I don’t think I’d go that way. I once thought I’d be into two guys. I’m not sure when that shift occurred, but it did, and now I think otherwise, and have for a while now.
I think part of it might be the occasional male attitude towards sex. The fuck-me-hard, fuck-me-now, let-me-access-all-of-you bullshit that can wear thin. I’m not that kinda girl, not in plural, anyhow.
I have seldom ever heard a male account of a two-guys-one-gal threesome that didn’t sound like it belonged in some pulp porn movie. It always winds up sounding like she’s some whore who got fucked silly. Whatever turns your crank. It don’t turn mine.
I’m not orgiastic about sex. I’m passionate, driven, curious, sensual, open, creative, and exploratory, and though I can be a dirty girl, it’s not a defining characteristic of mine. I’m more mischevious, devilish, and playful than I am filthy, though I can talk dirty with the best of ’em (and do).
I haven’t come to that point where I can reconcile with the idea of whoring myself in any kind of capacity that leaves me wishing I’d had more self-respect the next day. Maybe I will be able to reconcile that one day, but I’m not holding my breath.
So, for me, sex is very passionate, very emotional, very sensual, and not something I usually take lightly, which is why I’m not promiscuous. When I have sex, I am all there, all the time, and the notion of two guys fighting for my attention SHOULD excite me, but it perplexes me. I can’t shut off my laserlight focus that I bring to the bed. I can’t divide that between two men, and I’m pretty sure the one guy who gets to receive my affections probably doesn’t want me to, knowing what he’s in for.
Yeah, I just can’t identify with two guys fucking me on one night. It just doesn’t do anything for me. Right now, anyhow. “As far as I know.” And this is going on the stereotypical experience, as I described above.
HOWEVER… if I had all creative control? If I could orchestrate the night? If what I said went? If my boundaries were understood and respected? If I trusted both men implicitly? If it was a sensual experience and not just a sweaty fuckfest?
That could well be an entirely different scenario since I’m a VERY situation-specific kinda gal. Everything depends on the night, the mood, my edge or lack thereof. I’m known to be very, very, very spontaneous and mood-driven, and even my friends of 15 years will tell you I constantly surprise them. With me, you never know.
The right extra guy might be something I can’t pass up. I’m too fucking smart and too old to dismiss something out of hand without knowing the particulars. I mean, if I was in a relationship and J. passed me on the street, or B. or E. or J2 or one of the other great lovers I’ve had, I’d love to bring him home for a night of fun and games with a present lover, because I’d trust them and they would know where my boundaries lay. I guess that would be the breaking/making point.
Bringing a chick into the equation, yeah, actually, I’d be totally down with that. Tomorrow. Seriously. I’d be awkward and nervous at first, but I’m confident I’d overcome that quickly with the right duo. Women have a different mentality about sex — or the ones I know, do. But it would depend on the chick, and I’m sorta specific about what kinda girl would get me riled.
As I posted recently, I’ve become very interested in having a female explore me, especially orally, and I’d be interested in a limited exploration in return. Honestly, I’d be kinda into having the guy watch her going down on me. That would really, really get me hot. The sex that would follow would probably be pretty incredible. God, the idea of it right now gets me bothered just thinking of it.
Hmm. Let me take a moment longer to think of that. Lovely. Nice. Yes, that I’d well be into. Sigh. Yep. Mm.
So, then, what do I really think of threesomes? (shrug) I don’t know. I’m on the fence. It can be an exciting diversion in a relationship, I’m sure. I wouldn’t ever want them to be a dominating aspect of my relationships. I love the part of sex where it’s all about exploring with my partner. My partner. Every now and then, to shake things up? Cool.
Now ask me what I think of swinging.
Did I answer that oh-so-very-vague question well enough for you, H?
And what do you folks have to say on the topic of threesomes?
Have you? Would you? What turns you on about it? What turns you off? When would be the right time? Is it the sign of things going awry in a serious, committed relationship? Can you in fact be seriously committed yet bring in outside sex for kicks without compromising the future of your relationship? Has it happened to you where you brought a third party in and had the relationship tank as a result?

19 thoughts on “Sexual Q & A: Threesomes

  1. Super Cheetah

    Threesomes can be awesome, but it takes a special breed to be in a committed relationship and bring in the third body. For me, threesomes were something that were part of a fun fling. I could never share a serious lover with another person…unless the third person was a she and she was super hot…but never more than once…or twice…You know what I mean…

  2. Simply Her

    ah I’ll be the first to comment… unless while typing this someone else beats me to to it.
    Have I ever? No. Never presented with the oppurtunity to.
    Would I? I would definately try to be open minded about it.
    What turns me on & off about it? definately the eroticness of it all, but if it’s two guys I’m a little iffy about the anal.
    is it the sign of things going awry etcetc? Not pericesly, but it can either make or break it in some ways.
    can you in fact be seriously committed.. etc etc. It would depend on the seriousness of our relationship & the factor of being open minded about it.
    has it happened to you.. etcetc Definately not.

    Hmmm I don’t think I have any questions but if I do I’ll be sure to ask or email you sometime<3

  3. Walking Wounded

    I think on the fence pretty much sums up my feelings on threesomes too. But I have stronger feelings regarding two males-one girl en lieu of two girls-one guy.

    First, because of my appetite and the way I get down, me sharing a girl at this part of my life with another guy would not work for me. It would be especially hard if I were in a relationship with the girl. When I was younger, I almost shared a girl with a good friend of mine but it fell apart. Bravado aside, the two of us chickened out because we really didn’t understand the difference between a threesome and a three-way. Neither my friend or I are gay and our youthful homophobia played mind tricks with us.

    But as I got older, I realized what a threesome really was and those youthful worries were cancelled out. But the opportunity for two guys-one girl never came up since. At my age, I dont think I have the ability to “share” a girlfriend with another man. It is true that men have a different view of sex when it comes to this area.

    Now for myself sleeping with two women, I think I would be more up for it if I were not involved with either of the two girls, and not in a committed relationship myself. If I am involved with a woman, I tend to give her all of me. Not sure whether I could or would give half myself to her and the rest of me to another random girl.

    If my girlfriend wanted to have another chick, I would be more willing to watch and “be there” but not be an active participant so that it could be more about my girlfriend’s fantasy (not mine).

    Don’t get me wrong, without the emotional attachment that comes with being in a relationship, the door opens real wide for fantasy. Getting head from two girls at once was a fantasy of mine for years. And now that I am single the opportunity may present itself. But if it doesn’t, I wouldn’t feel I missed something big.

    I’ve said this hundreds of times before. If I am with a girlfriend/wife and like myself she knows what she is doing, I would not want for anything ever!

    Peace

  4. scribe called steff

    Cheetah — Yeah, I get it. I think I’d be more into letting a chick have her way with me while letting the beau watch. Then send her packing and get it on with the boy.

    Thanks for coming by. 🙂 And thanks for weighing in!

    Simply — If it makes you feel better, you were beaten by a cheetah, well known as the fastest animal on the planet. If you’re going to come in second, come in behind a cheetah. With those insane land travel speeds, it’s really nothing to be ashamed of. 😉

    I agree with your input. I think it’s kinda dangerous in a relationship. I think the chick on chick thing might be fine, but only as a one-time dalliance or something.

    I’d so some serious fucking soul-searching before I agreed to any of it with a lover.

    ‘cept the chick thing, but I’m wanting to try that with or without a man, so, y’know. Whatever.

    Walking — Holy opus, Batman! Great input, but I’ve come to expect that of you. 🙂

    I can’t really add anything to your comments, I think it’s excellent and sums things up really nicely. I like how you mention that sexual know-how really contributes to the likelihood of fidelity being kept real. Naturally, that depends entirely on emotional content, too, but with both the emotional content and sexual content, I can’t see a realtionship falling apart as easily as others might. I totally agree.

    Once again, great input. 🙂

  5. chunu

    Threesomes hmm, no, I have not done so. Would I like to do so, hell yeah of course, I’m a guy LOL.

    Now, I’m not sure whether to mention this, but eh, here goes – the sex story (I am much more a story boy than a pictures or video story, real life hmm let’s see how the cards fall) – the sex story that has stuck in my mind the last err ten years or however long since I have read it was a two guy one girl threesome. That is my err ultimate fantasy I think – in this particular story, after doing the girl to a standstill, the guys 69ed. And the girl got all excited again, watching – whether it would happen that way in real life hmm not sure.

    No, not gay, not even I think bi or anything, a girl has to be in the room if I were thinking sex thoughts of a guy, and I think a blow job would be the extent of it. Can’t really consider anal with a guy.

    Strangely enough though I think I could handle a strap on from a girl. Just not a real live cock though.

    Two girls one guy, well the whole two mouths on you at the same time thing, and maybe them kissing while grinding on top of you, but for some reason I can visualise two guys better than two girls.

    Ahem. If I blushed online, I probably would be by now 🙂

    BTW, changing subject, Eight Mile is just about to start on TV here – or was that the other blog LOL.

  6. chunu

    Oh, and as for the make up of a threesome, I’m sure it’s very sexy and all the fantasy of bringing a third into a committed relationship or two couples swapping mingling etc, but in reality I think it would have to be three single people rather than any ongoing relationships. It would just be too messy the after effects if you are more than just fuck buddies – and of course, fuck buddies never work because one friend always ends up wanting more… ah, is that just cynical moi LOL.

  7. Reg Dunlop

    I’ve been involved in a few of these and I thought the two women version was a better experience by a landslide. With two guys it gets a little wierd and testosterone filled, to the point where the story to the rest of the guys becomes more important than the experience itself. I found the actual sex to be about the least enjoyable form I’ve ever been involved with.

    With two women everything took longer, there is a concerted effort from everyone to give to everyone else, and no one had to be a whore. My only experiences involve the same two women so maybe I just got really lucky with these two, but I would recommend that everyone go out and find another girl and get started. Make sure you block out a whole day, keep a lot of cold beverages handy, and make sure there is plenty of room on your bed, floor, or wherever you have sex. By far the best experience I had started with all three of us involved but developed into a really relaxed, all day foreplay kind of thing, with brief flare ups of hectic, ogiastic sex. And there were occasional naps.

  8. scribe called steff

    Chunu — Wow, revealling! Well, why not. Getting oral from the same sex is supposed to be the height of the experience. I hope some chick and guy will help you indulge yourself sometime.

    You’re opposed to threesomes in relationships, too. Interesting. It’s nice to know guys don’t seem to think that way about their lovers.

    I used to occasionally work on this sex show where there were a LOT of threesomes in relationships and I just never understood the appeal. I always wondered if I was more uptight than I thought I was, or what the deal was. It’s not something you can run around asking people. “Say, where do you stand on threesomes?” So the truth is, I’m learning as much and getting as much out of this blog experience as any of you might be, at times.

    8 mile was the other blog. 🙂 Enjoy.

    Reg — Ooh, you stud muffin. Gee, get a load of you. Thanks for the insight on the different threesome dynamics. That’s awesome. It doesn’t surprise me that that would be your experience from the two guy-POV. I have this straight male friend who’s always pissed off at his relationships with guys. He calls it “the wall of bullshit.” I couldn’t IMAGINE how insanely insurmountable that wall would be if it came down to one-upping each other over the next round of beers thanks to a sexcapades.

    As for your chicks experience, NICE. Sounds like a GREAT day in. Goes to prove that sex is still my favourite indoor game.

    “But I would recommend that everyone go out and find another girl and get started.”

    Oh, sure. “I’ll take the menage a trois, a side of fries, and a case of 7up. Extra napkins, please. Do you deliver?”

    Naps. Nice. 🙂 I love, love, love, love, love all-day sex. The whole world’s doing their work thing, their shopping thing, and you’re getting your knocks off all day long, sleeping intermittently, showering intermittently and being a happy, happy camper. Nothing says bliss like an all-day, easily-paced sexual encounter.

    Of course, there’s nothing like that going on in my life right now. Sigh. But gimme time, man, gimme time.

    Great input. Thanks for weighing in!

    You just got a whole shitload more mystique in my books, boy.

  9. scarlettongue

    Easy question – two girls over two guys in a threesome, absolutely! Why? That’s more difficult to answer.

    I think its about the “let-me-access-all-of-you bullshit” you mentioned – I have that stigma all tangled up in the idea of two guys fucking me, too. And for some reason, I just can’t get past the picture of two guys high-fiving while over me…..which makes my toes curl, not want to be sucked!

    Don’t get me wrong, I do find great pleasure in being dominated sexually. But I am turned on by the intimacy more than the domination, itself. For me being dominated meanings having to allow myself to be vulnerable, completely and utterly intimate. i have to let my guard down, put my head down, and soak in the freeing truth that i am out of control and so so so need to be controlled. I can’t think of a situation where I could trust two men to not be, well men, if I fucked them at once. They’d get macho and I’d never let my guard down. Not very hot.

    But another woman with me and and a guy, now that’s a different story. That scene doesn’t connote fear or apprehension in me…or my cunt for that matter!
    She is delicious and I know what she wants because I want the same……I could explore with my tongue her pink, because I too have those parts. Ours both pulse when flicked lightly and throb when pressed hard and fast. And being especially dirty girls together seems like sharing a warm, moist, shocking secret…how fucking good it feels to make him pant and groan, to drive him mad with our knowledge and our sex. shhhhh…..
    ———

    Ok, so I guess that sounds like I don’t want to be w/2 guys because they’d get off on controlling me, but I WOULD like to be with another girl and a guy because I’d want to control the guy. The difference here – chicks don’t high five! 😉

    oh, and I really enjoy your blog! 🙂

  10. scribe called steff

    right back atcha — i enjoy your comment! nice!

    i fucking love that comment about guys high-fiving over you. i have the most hilarious frat-boy image of sports pennants and a heather locklear poster, some beer steins and a beer bong, and some nameless Porky’s-type chick in a tie and nothing else with these two dicks snickering on either side of her.

    and i’m so turned off. but i’m laughing.

    i still don’t know if i could go down on a chick. i just don’t want to. not interested. but i’m selfish and i’ll take whatever i can get. i’m certain i would love the experience. yep.

    and i’m with you on the controlling the guy thing. i think sex is power. i think being good at what i do makes me powerful in the bedroom. i’m empowered when i know what i’m doing and when i see the results. i don’t mean to liken it to being a victim, but there was something diminishing about having sex back when i wasn’t informed, wasn’t adventurous, wasn’t exploring. that was only the first couple years, but still, i remember that disengaged feeling. i enjoyed it, but there wasn’t anything memorable. meeting j. changed that and sex was never the same. and since, being involved on that level just makes it a different kind of mentality, like being on even footing. we’re both doing the appeasing, we’re both in charge. it’s very liberating.

    it’d be interesting to see the sexual politics of two chicks and a guy. it’s amazing how guys change when other cocks aren’t on the block. thank fucking god for it, too.

    no offence, guys. we know these things, but we also accept them. so there. 😉

    thanks for coming by. 🙂

  11. Security Dog

    I’ve only had the one experience with a three-way, and that was with an ex-girlfriend who already had other experience with women. I worked late one night, and she had invited a friend down from the City. They had gone out, dropped a few things, then collected me. I didn’t twig that there was an atmosphere building until we got about two minutes from home; then it was clearly on the cards that something was happening.

    When we got through the door, it took about 30 minutes to get into the lounge and get our clothes off. I wasn’t allowed to touch the other girl though: and she was only allowed certain access to me. In essence, I was there to just watch and add a contribution when necessary, which was damned fine with me. I was aware of a power-trip happening, but I just enjoyed the view.

    It went on for what seemed like hours, and in the morning, there were no recriminations or guilt: however, something had changed in our relationship. I can’t figure out quite what. Maybe it was a test that I failed.

    I have heard of a number of very bad experiences: relationships actually ending because someone really pushed it too far, and also one very good friend who was chased down a beach by his knife-wielding maniac of a girlfriend for getting too ‘involved’. He too was meant to only watch, but could not resist himself.

    My current wife teases me about it when the subject comes up, and I tell her what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. I’m not sure how I feel about it all now though. The experience I had, although delightful at the time, now makes me cautious. Which is a shame, because I apparently live in the swinger-capital of Sydney.

    Damn.

  12. scribe called steff

    THANK YOU for bringing up a negative experience.

    Thank you ALSO for bringing up apprehensions/curiosities about swinging. I happen to know of one brilliant example of swinging going terribly awry and am waiting for someone to bring a question about swinging to the table so I can weigh in with the tale.

    I would say that if a lot of rules are laid down in advance and such, that the participants really need to question how open they’re being to the experience. Not that apprehensions and protectionism is bad, but that it means you’re more liable to react badly if something doesn’t fit into that pre-formulated notion of what the event’s going to wind up being like.

    It’s asking for a world of hurt on all sides, and it’s an ideal that’s unlikely to be attainable. It’s a shame, really.

    Besides, sounds like your g/f was probably more lesbian than not, if she’d explored that way before and wanted to taunt you. Such is life.

    And again, as for swinging, that’s something I will never, ever do.

    Thank you for stopping by. I LOVED your last comment on Queries. I laughed my ass off.

  13. Hermes

    Steff,

    I agree with your view on two guys and one girl. If you are a strung out stripper or a whore, a brutal encounter might seem appealing, but to a sensible girl it’s might be intimidating and disrespectful.

    I’ve been in both types. They can both be hot. ONLY if it’s with someone you are not in a committed relationship with or else jealousy might raise it’s ugly head and green eyes.

    Threesomes can be nasty, fuck fests, or slow, deliberate experimentation hour long sessions of exploration. Whatever blows your hair back. It also depends on the mood, drugs ingested, music, etc….

  14. scribe called steff

    Ah, yes, file me under sensible and mostly-well-behaved, then.

    I could see myself maybe trying that at the start of a relationship, but as it progressed I’d be less willing to share. Quite.

  15. Dragona Silvermoon

    I once had a threesome with two women once. I found that the lack of commitment really ruined it for me. In my mind threesomes can be really great, but only if there is a true emotional connection. I have a great guy now, and if we met a girl I’d be open to the idea. Only if she wanted a serious relationship.

  16. scribe called steff

    Really? You’d want an ongoing three-person relationship? That’s surprising and very, very interesting.

    You wouldn’t feel threatened or unsafe that she might somehow comandeer your man?

  17. Anonymous

    Can’t wait to hear your advise on swinging. I can attest it is not a good idea for anyone in a commited relationship. I sort of got swept into the situation by my husbands fantasy. At first being naive of the whole thing – going to dinner at his coworker(female) house with her husband, I thought it was a simple get out of the house & get some adult conversation going. When we got there and were having dinner suddenly I began to realize when the coworkers husband was toasting me at dinner saying something about usually the husbands are into it but here’s to me for being so cool. ( in my head I’m thinking WTF).Nothing happened that night & I had talked over my boundaries with my husband before going back to that house for a big party we were expected at, he had said nothing would happen – but the other wife was after him & seemed to have her husband try to occupy me (it wasn’t happening-no way!) to get my husband alone with her- which did happen. Anyways, it caused a world of hurt and a scar on our relationship that damaged the trust we had. I was never a jealous type, but after that experience when trust is broken its hard to get back totally to where yu were before. Anyways- I’d be interested in seeing the responses to the topic of swinging- me personally – I don’t believe you can be in a healthly committed relationship and swing on the side

  18. scribe called steff

    Thanks for the story, Anonymous.

    I’ll add that to my growing list of topics to tackle.

    That’s going to take some thought, for sure. It’s one of those stupid fucking trends I’ve never understood. (There’s your clue how I feel.)

    As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, I’ve got a crazy couple of weeks, so I don’t know when I’ll get new topics written, but stay tuned. I’ll try. This might be an easier topic than that of guy-on-girl oral, since I know exactly where I stand and what I say. So who knows. 🙂

    -s.

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