Sexual Q&A: It's a gusher! Ejaculation ethics

This is a MONSTER post. It’s a monster topic. I’m hoping to provoke a lot of discussion and will leave this front and centre for a couple days.
Recently, an anonymous poster asked about the notion of “facials.” IE: Ejaculating on a lover’s face during the act.
I had a conversation with my friend GayBoy about this not too long ago, since I was interested in his perspective on the matter after he’d posted a fun photo on his blog and I’d made a comment, and when we were walking around town later in the week, he began taunting my apprehensions. The discussion that followed was interesting, so I’ve actually thought a lot about this in the last few weeks and am excited to have the opportunity to open what I hope will be a very interesting dialogue between us all.
You should read anonymous’s original question here, since it’s too long to quote. It’s the 3rd comment down.
STEFF RESPONDS:
Facials are a huge topic, in my view, when it comes to the difference between man/woman and man/man relationships.
GayBoy told me how seeing cum on the face of a lover is very, very arousing, and that it’s quite popular in the gay community. I sort of understood this and I can even kind of see the male mentality as to why it’s hot.
But then it becomes a man/woman issue, and I think there’s groundwork I need to lay down before I can really get to the heart of Anon’s Q.
I don’t talk about feminism on either of my blogs. I don’t feel I should have to talk about it. I’m a strong, sassy chick filled with independence and verve. I don’t “need” a man, never have. I’m not interested in marriage, I don’t want kids, and I’ll never, ever allow myself to depend financially on the dick in my life. Period.
That said, there’s no reason why that should impede my love for men, my appreciation of all they bring to my life. Most of my friends are male, in fact.
I don’t think gender needs to complicate matters, and I’m never vindictive or mean towards men just because they’ve got cocks and a different minset than me. Women who do behave in that manner are bitches, not feminists, and I resent being lumped in with them.
I’m not an “equality” seeker because I think there are definitely things men do better than women and vice versa. I’d rather have my life saved by a male firefighter than a female, and I don’t give a fuck what that may or may not make me seem in the eyes of certain females. That said, I absolutely feel equal in the bedroom, if not superior.
As a woman, sex can be very, very empowering. Knowing more about what to do and how to do it, how to elicit the reactions I want, and how to leave a man gasping, all these things have given me power, not stripped it from me. It has given me more respect in my relationships, regardless of what the media seems to think about sexy women, because the men in my life have loved that I’m willing to do what it takes to bring them incredible pleasure.
But given that I have such strong opinions about being respected and appreciated and having my boundaries known and adhered to by my lovers means I also have strong opinions on things like facials.
First, though, is the issue of equality. Again, I’ve said I’m not interested in equality per se, but when it comes to facials and cumming on your female lover’s body, there IS NO EQUALIZER.
There is nothing — NOTHING — a woman can do to a man that will be on that level. There is nothing we can do to “mark” you, to display our ownership of you. The most we can do is leave a lipstick ring on your cock, and that simply adds to your sensation of dominating and conquering, instead of giving us some semblance of that ownership — which is what the psychological payback is for a man when they cum on a lover’s face.
“That’s my cum. Her face. Mine. All mine.”
You can justify it or idealize it any way you want, but that’s essentially how it boils down. It’s simply more objectification. It’s more of us females being under the male thumb, in theory.
(Bear with me, you might be surprised what I have to say in the end. I’ll get there soon.)
As women, we’re constantly objectified. Whether it’s a car advertisement or in porn, here in North America, we’re constantly made to feel as though we’re sex objects and seldom anything but. Maybe it’s because you can’t stop looking at our tits when you talk to us, or the leering glances we get wandering the streets. Maybe it’s that we’re always on our knees sucking your cock in porn videos when the reality is that we’re usually at your level, lying on a bed, or even hovering over you as we perform fellatio.
When I do my posts for this dirty little bloggie, I often scan through endless pathetically stereotypical porn shots in my quest for the classy fine art nudes you see before you. It works out to maybe one photo found for every 100-200 I see. So much of the porn I see has women almost being victimized and seeming to enjoy it. How fucking ludicrous. I love watching people have sex (and here’s a fine example from my other blog). I hate porn. Do the math.
Many of the shots I find in my quest for images include women looking thrilled that some huge glob of spunk is streaming down her face, like she just won the fucking lottery or something. “Oh, for me?! You shouldn’t have, you sweetie!”
The reality is the opposite. Yeah, there are women who dig it, absolutely. And power to you, babe, if that’s what you’re into. Whatever. I’m down with kinks. But there are also chicks and guys who want to be pissed on, people who want to literally eat shit as part of the sexual experience, people who are into degradation as a means of heightening the experience. And that cup of tea just ain’t right for a large segment of people. Straight up.
It bothers me — profoundly — that there’s still so much stereotypical degradation and filth attached to sex. It bothers me that my site with these tasteful nude shots and this graduation towards the sensual and the erotic is somehow “exceptional” and not the norm. Why the fuck not? Why can’t THIS be hot? Why can’t THIS be the norm?
So you need to understand that ME, my personal reluctance to having a man cum on my face is NOT preceded by hangups and weaknesses. It’s because I’m just not wanting to feel that way — to feel owned. I don’t want to be consciously reminded that there is no equalizer for me when you cum on my face. I’m not interested in being further objectified in the bedroom.
BUT…
That said… in a relationship with a man I dig, a man I love, a man I want to please to no end, yes, I might let it happen. (Although I’d rather not.)
It is something that should be discussed, I think. But when that moment arises, when he’s about to cum, he doesn’t really need to ask my permission before he does it. However, he better fucking well understand that it’s for him, that it’s something I do because I want him to feel like I’m willing to go to any length to see him pleasured. Because I am willing.
I will not point it out and say, “Look what I’m willing to do for you.” That sort of self-martyrizing is bullshit and it’s manipulation. It has no business in the bedroom or in any relationship in your life. PERIOD.
He’s a man, an adult, and he should just understand it. Most will.
A casual one-night stand and he cums on my face? I’m glad he came, because now he’s gone. Done like dinner, man. You don’t get that privilege if you’re some fuck-n-go contributor to my evening’s hijinks. Like I say, I’m not promiscuous, I’m not a casual sex fan, but that’s not to say it hasn’t happened. It sure as hell has, but my boundaries are different in casual sex. In a relationship, there’s so much more I’m willing to do for him.
In YOUR relationship, Mr. Anonymous, I say go for it. Have the conversation. But your question is, how?
With great difficulty, that’s how. There’s no way you’re going to ever feel comfortable or at ease asking about such a complex sexual favour, not being the liberated and caring man you clearly sound like you are. But in a good relationship, you need to take those risks. It’s those risks that lead you to that higher sexual consciousness that really brings home the thrill of connecting deeply with your lover.
But you knew that. It’s why you’ve asked.
You state that you have previously accidentally shot your load on her face and it’s made you feel horrible yet aroused. I suspect that part of the arousal for men is the knowledge, deep down, that there’s absolutely no fucking need to shoot cum on a face. We love the forbidden, and that’s not a trait exclusive to either sex, so I can understand that mentality. It’s why I’m willing to indulge a man I care for.
But you’ve done it already, like I just stated. So do it again, “accidentally,” but next time, follow it with conversation. Apologize. Tell her you’re sorry it landed where it did. Tell her to wait there. Go get a nice, warm, wet handtowel and a dry towel, and gently, lovingly clean her face as you tell her again that it was unintentional. Wash her face, dry it off, but continue the conversation as you do.
Be on your knees, bedside, eye-level as you speak with her. Being on your knees is like a psychological act of submission, it will speak louder than you can imagine.
Ask her to forgive you. She may stop you then and there and say it’s okay. Problem solved. Maybe she doesn’t speak because she wants to see what you say next — which is probably how I’d respond — not at all, yet.
So, then, you want to lower your voice as if confessing and just tell her that although it fills you with shame and strangeness, that the sight of your spunk on her face did something primal to you, but that the shame and guilt almost negate that arousal. Then you just simply ask. There’s no way to really word it or phrase it so it’s easy to say.
What I’d maybe try to say is something along the lines of, “Look, I feel awful about just doing that, but it really turned me on. I don’t ever want to subject you to feeling like you’re just some plaything of mine, but if you’d ever indulge me and just let me do that to you without all this emotional baggage I’m feeling right now, I don’t think I could even tell you how amazingly turned on and indebted I’d feel to you. You don’t have to answer me now, but think about it, and if you’d be willing… my god. I can’t imagine the pleasure you would give me… I’d be putty in your hands.”
If a guy said something like that to me, and I understood that he realized what he was asking of me, I’d never say no.
Conversely, “Honey, you’re so hot with my spunk chunks on your face. Can I do that again next Friday?” is probably going to kill your chances. But you knew that. 😉
In summary? I’m not a fan of ever getting cummed on. Period. I understand that in the give-and-take world of sex, it’s to be expected. I understand what it does to my lovers when they’re able to see their secretions on me.
As fucked up as I sort of think it is, I just make my peace with the fact that it’s one of those male things that I, as an open-minded but middle-of-the-road chick, will probably always be slightly baffled by.
But that’s all right. Both sexes have their mysteries and intrigues, but it’s communication and reaching understandings that close those gaps between us. Sometimes, it requires doing something you think is out of your safety zone. Sometimes, the things we think are depowering us and leaving us cloaked in filth or what have you will actually wind up strengthening the relationship in ways nothing else could.
Sometimes, allowing your partner to “violate” your boundaries is the kindest, most loving thing to do.
And I understand that and accept it. That’s what sex is.
Maybe I’m the exception, maybe I’m the feminist chick who just doesn’t want to be cummed on, but I suspect there are other chicks out there who feel the same and that they are a majority. I’d love to hear the female POV on this — and I know the male readers are probably thrilled to have this discussion opened up.
So, chicks, what page are you on? How does it make you feel? Is it a respect thing? Is it a disgusting thing? Does it turn you on? Do you think I’ve overthought it? Have I missed anything? How could a guy convince you it’s something you should do? Or CAN he convince you?
Guys, is it something you wish your woman would allow more of? Does she already allow it? Do you care if she does? Has the issue ever changed a relationship on you? If you’re a gay male, how all-encompassing is this behaviour? Does it arouse you? Do YOU have issues with getting a cumshot in the face? Why? Why not?

50 thoughts on “Sexual Q&A: It's a gusher! Ejaculation ethics

  1. Steve

    It’s an interesting one, this, and a huge topic as you say. Having read and digested your post, I must say that I think you’ve covered the topic brilliantly.

    As a gay guy, I think I can safely say that giving a facial is up there as one of the hotter things you can do. It is a pretty common thing in my experience.

    I personally find it an incredibly horny thing to do, but interestingly I’m less keen on being on the receiving end of a facial. Selfish, eh?

    The reason? Tricky since I’ve not thought about it much. On the spot I would have to say it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. You have to screw your face up so you don’t get it in your eyes, so you can’t watch him come which takes something away. So you feel less a part of the experience.

    But as I said, as the “giver” I find it very horny indeed. Go figure. It’s a deep, carnal thing. A subconscious desire to spread your seed, perhaps.

    For straight couples, I agree that it’s a whole different can of worms. I think a straight guy probably will find it just as horny to give a facial as a gay guy, but for his partner there are more deeper issues involved, as you’ve covered, very well.

    Gonna be interesting to see what others think on this one. So ends my long rambling comment.

  2. scribe called steff

    Wow, a comment already. Hurray! Thanks, Steve.

    It’s interesting that you’re not fond of receiving them. Good to know. I should confess it has never been an issue. No man I’ve been with has attempted it, and none has asked.

    If asked, I’d be willing, I suspect. Not often. But yeah. I’d have to appreciate the asking, at least.

    Secretly, I’d rather not be asked. I’d rather not have it happen. I still think it’s degrading, as a woman.

    I was just speaking with a girlfriend and told her about this post and we got into the topic and she felt it was degrading, humiliating, and unfair. She felt that even porn star chicks look like they’re not enjoying it, that it’s obviously an act.

    My impression was that she wouldn’t be down with having a facial.

    Not surprising. She too is a strong, independent woman.

  3. Live For The Pen

    I have to say, as emasculating as it might sound, I think you have the right track on this topic. Facials are an absolute exclamation of ownership. I’ve never been tempted with the act (though I’ve been with girls who’d like it), and tho I enjoy porn, I always end up avoiding those pictures/scenes.
    I’m not a one-night stand kind of guy, it’s happened before, but not really my thing. The whole relationship is important to me, from friendship to love to sex. I can’t see myself cumming on a friend’s face…

    later.

  4. chunu

    Hmm, where to start on this one, with my admittedly limited love life. I will just make it up as I go along as I usually do.

    I do have to say first off, that the porn and all which shows girls faces covered in what looks like half a pail of undercoat primer paint does not do much for me. A bit of a dribble on the chin, yes, across her breasts or back yes, but not fully across the face.

    Secondly, it is very arousing for a guy to have a girl say ‘yes, you can ejaculate over me’, or rather, filthier words used. There is something self affirming for a guy to actually see himself cum rather than know that his boys are inside his partner – strange but true.

    But as with all things sexual, I feel I am primarily there to have the girl enjoy herself, I can get myself off anytime I like, but with actual sex (remember, I don’t blush online, but that semi-admission would be awful close), it is all about the partner.

    And what she is comfortable with – and of course, wouldn’t be the first sex with a new partner that this topic would come up straight away. Unless it was very very hot sex LOL.

  5. scarlettongue

    The Facial – such a euphamism for what amounts to being spit on doesn’t surprise me but it irks me just the same!! So let’s call it what it is – “face-spunk”,

    To me, the face-spunk douses the fire of the sex that preceded it. Presumably, the sex involved both of us; we were both licking and sucking and kissing and squeezing. How do we get to a place where its just about him spreading his spunk any ole damn place he wants? Maybe I’m just taking my cues from the way its portrayed in porn but it reaks of being insulted. As if he’s saying, “Take that! And clean up my mess while you’re at it!”…. lol.

    i suppose i am fortunate that out of all the sex that I’ve had the climaxing moment has never been punctuated with the face-spunk, accidentally or otherwise. And being married now, i already know its something my husband won’t be requesting.

    We’ve actually had the conversation – and it was me that asked! i figured he’d be too shy, but wanted him to know that if it was something he truly desired i’d try it, at least once. He was quick with his response – no way, that’s degrading to a woman. (i love him!)

    The reason i asked is shameful really. i just assumed that EVERY guy is turned on by it. Again, maybe i’m taking too many cues from porn….Which brings me to my question – do guys really get turned on by it or have they been told they’re SUPPOSED to be turned on by it?

    -Scarlettongue

  6. scribe called steff

    Eric — Great! Nice to hear your POV. Welcome to my la-la-land. It’s really neat to hear of guys who are not into this.

    Chunu — Whatever works for you. I mean, if a partner’s down with it, then that’s all that counts.

    Scarlet — What a man. Good for you. As far as your question goes, let’s wait and see what the guys say. So far, it seems some are for, some against. You’ve got the sexual chicken-and-egg conundrum there. Are the images we see influencing the things we desire, or are our darker desires creating the market for the images we’re brought?

    Considering some interesting things I’ve seen lately about deep, dark fantasies, I honestly think there are a lot of guys who are turned on by this notion. Deep down inside, they’re still the kids they were when they’d have contests to see who could write their whole name with urine in snow, or spanking their monkeys in a circle jerk. It’s a stupid machismo thing that, at times, is inate some some of their natures… but not all.

    I don’t think the men who DO want to do facial-spunking, as you deemed it, are necessarily evil prick bastards wanting to oppress women. NOT AT ALL. It’s just a stupid physiological desire.

    Like some women are turned on by rape fantasies or something, yet would fall apart if a stranger ever did rape them. There’s no logic to our desires. They just are.

    I don’t want the men who want to ejaculate on a chick’s face to feel shame. But they better fucking well understand that many of us chicks would feel EXACTLY THAT if it were to be us that they did it to.

    Very sticky, tricky scenario. See what goes down. Stay tuned for more revealing comments. I love the input some of these issues bring. How awesome.

    Thank you ALL for divulging these details so brazenly. Lovely!

  7. scribe called steff

    By the way, I should state, in reference to the original question posed, that I don’t really object to spunk ending up on my belly or something.

    If I have to choose between it landing on my wall or floor or something, I’d strangely rather I block it.

    Just not with my face. I still love what Steve said above, from the perspective of giving and receiving the “facial,” that as a receiver he’s never enjoyed it because he can’t see it and is no longer a participant, a sentiment echoed by Scarlettongue.

  8. scribe called steff

    You slay me.

    Yeah, there are times when being a lesbian would really appeal to me. Little boy antics and such sometimes really turn me off.

    Ultimately, though, I do love the feeling of being with a strong man, that diminuitive feeling I get, that feeling of safety that comes with it.

    This shit, I could do without. But like I say, I’ve never been asked, it’s never happened to me. So, I don’t have personal experience with it, nor do I want it, but hey.

    I’m digging the discussion, tho.

  9. Mr. W

    I’m not going to precede my comment one way or the other. I’m just going to say that there are some strong opinions here and I love to play the devil’s advocate, if nothing more than as a function to solidify and support the original statement being made. But I also all about interesting and odd angles.

    While I’m not prepared to make a statement at this moment – it is forumulating and I’ll make one – with very good, and well thought, out points.
    Unfortunately, I need time to mull it over (as I can tell I’ll need some good arguements with our thoughtful crowd here), and am near to on my way out the door.

  10. jo

    Fascinating topic…

    I had a lover who absolutely loved cumming on my face. The actuality didn’t really do anything for me. The look on his face, though, the way his knees got weak and he shuddered, the way he looked penetratingly into my eyes as he came on my tongue, my lips, my cheek, my chin; that excited me incredibly.

    Rather than feeling diminished by it, I felt powerful. I could do this for him; I could satisfy some primal urge within him without judgment, without making him feel it was wrong or shameful. I knew that he didn’t feel I was less because of it.

    The first time it happened, it just did. I was sucking him and he asked me to stop because he didn’t want to cum just yet. I started to pull away and as I did he lost it. His cum erupted like a volcano and I moved my mouth underneath to catch it on my tongue, but there was so much it also hit my nose, chin, dribbled out of my mouth. His reaction was such a marked difference from the times he’d cum in my mouth or anywhere else, and he was beautiful to watch. He couldn’t take his eyes off me even as his balance wavered and he shook from head to toe.

    He admitted, once he caught his breath, that it had taken him off guard and that he wasn’t sure why the sight of his ejaculate flowing out and onto my lips and tongue excited him so much, but that it did, incredibly so. He confessed days later that he couldn’t get it out of his head, and asked shyly if I minded.

    What it came down to for me, then, and I feel the same now, is that our relationship was one of respect and truth. Within that, we could both feel free to confess our most deviant desires without fear, and we each really wanted to satisfy the other to the greatest extent possible. There wasn’t any gender war in the bedroom with us. He wasn’t seeking to dominate me. My pleasure came from his pleasure; and he’d done similar things for me throughout our relationship, for the sake of my pleasure.

    I know I’m rambling, but I’ll leave with this: in the context of a relationship filled with respect, yes, I am quite comfortable with stepping outside my day to day comfort zone for the sake of my lover. Hell, I’m turned on by doing so. And I want my lover to feel the same about me.

    I agree, though, that if a casual lover or one night stand ever did so without prior knowledge, he would be so outta there….

  11. scribe called steff

    Mr. W — Ah! A smart man! Listen thoroughly, then respond. Conservative, pragmatic, and measured. Very good!

    I suspect the following comment was enlightening to you, then.

    JO — Thank you for weighing in! Brilliant!

    What I like about your comment is a few different things. I like how, a) you’re honest that it technically doesn’t do anything for you, b) that it would be entirely different if it was a casual affair, “he’d be so outta there”… and c) that it happened the first time accidentally, but it wound up being an issue where he eventually did ASK YOU if he could do so. You acquiesced, and the resulting matter is that you have a tighter relationship in the end.

    And this is precisely what I mean. Sometimes, doing what doesn’t work for you really is the kindest, most loving thing you can do for a lover, particularly if they’ve had to overcome their shame to ask you the favour.

    If it happened much that way, accidentally, him realizing he was asking something awkward of me, but my allowing it to happen for HIS benefit, then that would be cool. It would just be understood from then on that it was something for him. I wouldn’t expect it to be brought up again, or that he would have to ask again. I’d just know that sometimes it would happen, and I’d expect that he’d probably melt every time it did.

    Thanks for posting such a revealing comment.

    Your blog rocks, btw.

  12. Walking Wounded

    Merely for the record:

    I’m a straight male who finds most porn “pathetically” funny %80 of the time. Oh yeah, all the women I’ve been with say they absolutely love the sensation of being puched in the gut by a cock that’s so big the thing never really gets hard. 99% of the women I have talked to (and %100 of the women of have slept with) have always said they enjoy a nice hard cock regardless of size rather than a big floppy noodle.

    The other %20 percent of the time I am more curious than anything else at how much bigger the tits get over time in a star’s career. Really now. Who are you kidding? Although there are some actresses that go with the natural look and I applaud them for that.

    As far as cumming on my girlfriends’ faces. Well, believe it or not, I only did it if they asked me to. And not all of them asked me which is fine by me. Personally, I do not consider cumming on a girl’s face as ownership. If anything it could more accurately be considered marking your territory. Similar to a way a dog marks his by pissing. I have never needed to consciously mark my girl with my cum.

    On more than one ocassion when I was asked to, I actually felt miffed inside. Because now I had to go to the trouble to pull out and then provide the pop shot. Why not just let me cum when I am ready and where I happen to be? Besides which, relating to your post on tantric sex, sex for me doesn’t end when I cum. I pride myself in being able to hold of ejaculating and staying around for extra innings after I do. (BTW, men only being able to have one orgasm at a time is a fucking stupid myth.)

    As far as objectification goes, I don’t see the difference between a facial and a pearl necklace. Some have asked and others never did but it wasn’t like I felt I missed out on something. With or without facials or pearl necklaces sex has always been super good (even when its mediocre).

    Peace

  13. piu piu

    thats a monster post. i dont have a monster answer. i say no whenever the question is asked. i just dont find it cool. not on my face.

  14. writergurl

    OH MY FREAKING GAWD!

    One of my gayboys told me that there are pornos with nothing but this being shown… and it’s not one guy doing it, it’s lots of guys doing it onto one girls face. He said it’s called “kake” some or another…

    EWWWWWWWWWWWWW. That’s dis gus ting.

    ‘Scuse me, lunch is coming back up.

  15. Mr. W

    Okay – My promised, and lengthy response…

    So, I’ve thought and pondered and thrown the idea around in my head, and I have some commentary, and to keep the discussion civil, yet lively, have intentionally made my opinions, and I stress that they are “my opinions” fairly strong.

    When Steff makes the statement: “There is nothing — NOTHING — a woman can do to a man that will be on that level. There is nothing we can do to “mark” you, to display our ownership of you.”, I would have to disagree.

    One, this is based in how you define “equal”. As far as being based on leaving a “marking”, to display ownership via cum on face. Yes, there are equalizers. If you are talking about the actual method of ejaculating to accomplish such an end, perhaps no. So, a deeper question is – are we arguing about the method, or the result?

    We’ve also thrown the words “objectification” and “degrading”. If I just met you and am ejaculating on your face then yes I am objectifying you. Our sexual exchange is simply an object, and we are simply acting as agents to a function that is simple sexual pleasure. But, as has also been pointed out, within a trusting relationship I am most certainly not objectifying you, or degrading you. I’m simply dominating you. And I will say dominating because I believe that if we dig to the core of the appeal to our male sensibilities it is our primal urge to dominate and conquer, to show ownership. Whether this is a good or bad thing is a matter of perspective and where you are at in your life/relationship. I’ll talk more about this angle below.

    I suspect people don’t object to leaving a marking to display ownership, as I’ve seen a few comments to support that. But what I have seen is people objecting to the method, and the fact that such an action would be an objectifying and degrading one. After all, again quoting Steff: “By the way, I should state, in reference to the original question posed, that I don’t really object to spunk ending up on my belly or something.”

    I feel it is important that we understand what it is, specifically, that we are either in favor, or in objection, of. With that said let me move in the direction of my personal angle:

    To me, This is an issue of sexual dominance, as stated above. However, to say that it is simply a “machismo” thing is all too easy. After all, we have the penis, so it makes a hard arguement to combat.

    But if continue with the angle of dominance and remove the penis, and remove gender for a moment (both male and female), and I work down deeper to the message being conveyed then I believe we get to the issue of Sexual Dominance. Not about “man” and “woman”, but about one individual over another, which I also believe is closer to what we experiance within the bedroom of a couple within a relationship. At this point we can start to probe the idea of “ownership” and ones subserviance to a dominate power. Simply put – we’ve entered a power play situation in the realm of BDSM. And in this world – yes, there are equalizers.

    For this I will draw out of personal experiance. There have been times, more than one, in my committed and long-term relationship where I have been underneath my partner, eating her out. She is in the same upright position, towering over me and looking down on me. She has my hair clenched in her fist and is holding my face tight to her vagina. She’s talking dirty, more like a bossy dirty talk and is unrelenting. It’s hard for me to breath, I have nowhere to go. I just hold on, and lick and grind my way to her ultimate pleasure. She ultimately orgasms, (usually more than once, and always BIG) and pulls me away when she’s done with me. My face is covered and we are both extremely pleased. She has forced herself on me, though I was willing, and has left a mark on me the same as my cum on her. After all, this is her cum on me, more directly – on my face.

    So, when it comes to marking territory we’ve become “equal”. As for as the method… well I guess she had better be a “squirter” to equalize things there.

    Does this experiance make me feel less masculine? No. Do I feel like simply an object for her pleasure. No, because the exchange was mutually pleasing. At the end, I feel this is a fairly complex issue with many layers, and many angles to be had. None of us are the same in background, upbringing, beliefs, sexual experiance, maturity, etc. So I also believe you summed it up perfectly when you said:

    “Both sexes have their mysteries and intrigues, but it’s communication and reaching understandings that close those gaps between us. Sometimes, it requires doing something you think is out of your safety zone. Sometimes, the things we think are depowering us and leaving us cloaked in filth or what have you will actually wind up strengthening the relationship in ways nothing else could.

    Sometimes, allowing your partner to “violate” your boundaries is the kindest, most loving thing to do.

    And I understand that and accept it. That’s what sex is.”

  16. writergurl

    Dude, you arguement holds ZERO water. NONE. Wanna know why? Because there is NO WAY you can be MADE to be under her like you described. Therefore, your consenual act of being beneath her GIVES her your consent ro be doing this act WITH you. On the other hand, there’s many ways a guy can spew onto a woman’s face without her implied or express consent. You may have willing become a submissive in the scenario you painted but that’s your “OK. let’s do this.” talking. A woman who has to take a “facial” without her expressed consent (unless it TRULY an accident) is being abused by the man involved. Period. Being a lesbian, I don’t have men doing this to me. Thank God. HOWEVER, if I were a straight woman, and some guy just decided that he was gonna objectify and degrade me like this, I’d kick his ass. And, if he came up with some half assed “reasoning” like your’s; I’d kick his ass again.

  17. Anonymous

    Steph-
    I thought your good girls guide was great. How about a guide for the guys- my guy is great in bed but could use some tips on going down. He reads your site as well– so take some notes Honey!

  18. scribe called steff

    Wow. We got quite the interesting, heated discussion going on here.

    I’m bowing out of it until tomorrow. Have at ‘er, kids.

    As for you, little Miss Anonymous, what a good little idea you have.

    However, I’m really bogged down with a number of projects right now, so don’t hold your breath. Maybe sometime over the next two weeks?

    But for the good of my sisters everywhere, I’ll do my best.

    I think I’ll use the Red Hot Chili Pepper’s song as inspiration, but in my head I’ll be singing, “Suck my clit!”

    Heh. 😉

  19. remittance girl

    First, I really want to tell you how much I love the “tone” of your blog and how much I identify with your sense of identity as a woman. It is a hard line to walk, between feminism, playfullness and indulging in some of the darker fantasies. Because these undoubtedly delve into cultural issues that ARE sexist, ARE about domination and submission. It’s bloody hard and I’m still sorting it out.

    The cuming on the face question. My take on it is that it depends entirely on how HE views his own cum. If I sense he has any negative feelings about it (a good indication is: if I transfer some of it to his mouth and he flinches) then it’s absolutely NO FUCKING WAY. Because I know it’s turning him on for all the wrong reasons. Ack…this is getting way too long. I have to write a post on it. Thank you for the inspiration!

    Hugs,

    rg

  20. Adz

    I have not finished reading this blog but the thought occured to me whilst on the paragraph about marking and at most the only thing you can do as a woman is ‘leave a lipstick ring on your cock’.. Not true, have you tried pissing?

    To the squirmish ones, it’s just a thought mind.

    Now onward with the rest.

  21. Adz

    Another thing. Isn’t there sometimes just too much read into an act. Like cumming on a womans face! I’m sorry here but why is it that you women think sexual acts are related or have anything to do with the real world. How can you think that a guy cumming on your face puts you under the thumb. Steff as you seem to be aware, you have realised the sexual prowess that your femininity gives you. It is, mainly, unless you are submissive and want to play the dirty little slut, the woman who is always in control in the bedroom (i wont mention outside of that here). Yet for some reason, many of you just over analyse what happens in the bedroom and link that in some way to real life. For the majority of guys, they just don’t think like that. Sex is sex, it’s as plain as that. OK granted if they learnt a little more about it and perhaps started to realise that it’s not just about cumming, then they might start thinking differently. But for the time being, when they are in the scenario, going for it like a bunny rabbit, what better way than to unload his worth on the girls face, tits or ass. Cumming inside is great, but it’s greater to see your load, the product of that evenings events. The finale and so on (for most, some will and do want more after that of course but I’m not refering to them). I’m not saying that woman have to take cum all over the face, that’s preference. But what I’m saying is it’s not necessarily linked to some idea that guys are ‘marking their territory’ or ‘keeping their women under the thumb’. It’s not like that and honestly they properly only do it because they’ve seen it in a porno and thought, yeah that looks good, I wish my missus was like that. Perhaps indeed then, you give guys too much credit, thinking that they think the same things you do… They don’t.. believe me!

  22. Mr. W

    Writergurl – I think that if you carefully read my response you’ll see that what I’m talking about is consensual sex. I would NEVER condone ejaculation onto a girls face without consent. As a matter of fact, there is no sexual act that I would perform to a girl without her consent. I expect that courtesy to be vice versa as well. Anything less is disrespectful.

    You also, again, have to understand that I’m not defending some guy who just decides to cum on his girls face. Again – that is as you put it, abuse, as it’s non consensual. That wasn’t even the original question posed from Reader X.

    My arguements do hold water, you just have to read them with an open mind, and from a persective different from your own.

  23. remittance girl

    adz,

    I had to respond to your last comment. Just because you think that “For the majority of guys, they just don’t think like that. Sex is sex, it’s as plain as that.” doesn’t mean that other men think that way. Personally, I wouldn’t fuck anyone that dumb with a plunger.

    That kind of blindness to social context might be forgiveable in a 16-year old. But by adulthood, I’m expecting slightly more self-awareness in a man.

    rg

  24. Adz

    Yes true remittance girl. I couldn’t agree more. I was generalising but I think you’ll find, although most would argue, that with many guys sex is indeed just sex. And that is one of the reasons why so many still cheat! It would be naive to think that a man doesn’t love his woman when he’s fucking his secretary, as he does and probably with all his heart. But that doesn’t stop him from right now just wanting to shoot his load in or on his hot little secretary. Men sadly still think with their dicks and this was partly the point that sex can be just sex for a man, but for a woman it is more involved, emotionally usually. I wish that all men felt and thought a little bit more about sex and how to approach to it but they don’t. Yes of course there are thousands/millions of us guys out there who are at a different level of understanding, but I wasn’t reffering to them/us, because indeed they are still a minority! I have little faith in the male society as it’s true for most a fuck is still a fuck! I would also like to point out, for the second time that yes I am generalising, I am speaking broadly about the male existence here, the usual average guy who like his beer, football, work and mates and not about the guys who you have been fortunate enough to fuck rg. But tell me this, how many of them did there stuff only to roll over and fall asleep? And please I am not referring to people in long term relationships, those of us who are in them are on a very different level of understanding each others sexual needs, but only if we are honest. Otherwise, as I said before, people stray and go elsewhere to find it! Sad but it’s true!

    Generalising is my thing rg, I don’t blame you for thinking that I am blind in such social contexts, but for me to continue on my odd path, it is important for me to understand the ordinary person. And I do, unfortunately for them, use them as examples to magnify a point. On a personal note, I have come along way in my own sexual world. I do understand more than most, if you knew me you would probably consider me as living an ‘alternative lifestyle’??

    Enough about me. Thank you for your response to my comment and helping me to realise that I still generalise way too much! Everyone has a different opinion right?

  25. scribe called steff

    Wow. I’m digging this discussion. It’s so terrific as a writer when you hope to provoke a heated discussion fueled by intelligence and passion, and then it happens. Yippy! Quel fun.

    Where to begin? In order, I guess.

    WALKING WOUNDED: I love your comments on porn. They made me laugh. Thanks.

    I think a dog marking its territory is an attempt to express ownership. I think you’re semantizing the issue there, but I also like the fact that you say she’s the one that has to ask for you to ejaculate on her face.

    I also like the fact that you’d rather do your thing, since you’ve had experience with Tantra, and would rather keep the experience alive. Thanks for commenting!

    PIU PIU: Good for you. I think standing for your principles is absolutely admirable. Me, I’d have to be in a really good relationship filled with trust, love, and hot sex before I’d say yes. For me, it’d be one of those final concessions in a relationship. If he asked, I’d probably say yes. Fortunately, it’s just never come up thus far. Whew.

    GAYBOY: Now you know where I really stand. 🙂

    WRITERGURL: Well, that’s fetishism for you, though. Up there with scat and golden showers. If I found out a guy I was with had porn to that effect, that’d probably kill everything for me. It’s one thing for him to ask me to do it, but to enjoy seeing a woman essentially inundated by a circle jerk? Yeah, I’d have to say it would seem very abusive to me. Very odd and disturbing, with a man in a relationship, I’d say.

    Mr. W: Keeping your later comment in mind, I agree that it should only be in committed relationships, unless the chick’s into it as a kink, then have at ‘er. But I disagree that it ‘s simply an interchangeable issue of dominance.

    It’s still something that a woman cannot do in return to a man. Period. I realize Adz brings up the issue of golden showers, and I’ll get to that at his turn.

    That oral you describe sounds bloody hot, I must say, but it’s not the same thing. I still say what the hell, though. I think it is dominance, yes. But on a different level from everything else ‘cos there’s no equalizer.

    And as far as “objectifying” and “degrading,” you know what? You don’t get to make that decision. The woman gets to decide if that’s how she feels. I’m sick and tired of men saying, “That’s not what it is, so that’s not what it is.” How do you know what a woman has been through? How do you know what her perspective is?

    Degradation and objectifying of women is SO inate in our culture, and not just today, but from tens of thousands of years. It’s only been 30 years since women have even BEGUN to be on the page with men. You think we’re already over it? Not likely.

    I’d try NOT to see it that way, but I know that deep down inside, I’d feel it was the case, regardless if it was a good man or not. There are some things I’m not able to dismiss intellectually. I suspect a lot of women feel the same. Look at Piu Piu, for instance, and Writergurl, and Remittance Girl. If the same apprehensions keep coming up, then there’s clearly a deeper reaction happening. Right?

    You sound like a totally cool guy. It’s just that I don’t think you get the deeper social ramifications from a female perspective. And man, does it suck that there are deeper social ramifications. But there it is.

    WRITERGURL: I love the comment you made to me later in email, about men having to OWN the reality that “Hey, she doesn’t like it. She’s letting me. I love it. But I know she doesn’t like it,” when that’s applicable to the matter. Right on.

    ANONYMOUS: Like I said, you’ll get it. I’ve got a couple ideas. 😉 “The Man’s Guide to Fine Female Dining” will be coming up within the next couple weeks. 😉 Thanks.

    REMITTANCE GIRL: I frickin’ loved your blog. I’m so pleased you dig mine. Thanks for swinging by. I agree — if he won’t eat his own cum, he doesn’t deserve to shoot it on ya. Absolutely. The first thing I do when a guy has gone down on me is to lay a passionate, deep, probing kiss on him. I have no apprehensions that way, so he better not. I had a guy balk at me trying to kiss him after blowing him. He never made it into my bed again.

    ADZ: I’m sorry, but GOLDEN SHOWERS are interchangeable with “facials?” get real! Women do NOT get any of the reaction to their piss that men get from cum. It’s not even in the same fucking book, let alone on the same page!

    How is it so difficult to understand that men feel weirdly different about seeing things come out of their body — piss, crap, and cum, but particularly cum — than women do?

    And yeah, in deference to your later comment, you do generalize too much. For every man for whom “sex is just sex,” is a woman who feels the same. The woman who can literally read a book and get fucked because she doesn’t care about it.

    For the men who cheat on their wives, and vice versa, it’s nice to suggest he can still “love his wife” but the reality is, they’re clearly not geting SOMETHING at home. I stand by my previous assertions that it’s your OBLIGATION to be a good lover in a relationship. You need to know what you’re doing. You need to be concerned about your lover’s orgasms. You need to put everything into it. If you’re not, you’re not fully committed to your relationship. Period. And that goes for both sexes. Too many women are NOT learning how to please their man. When they whine that he’s gone elsewhere looking for affections, I have to ask: How much is that a result of what you’re not willing to do for him?

    And that’s a whole other can of worms.

    REMITTANCE GIRL: Bahahah. I love this comment. Nice. Yes, I too expect a hell of a lot more from a man.

    AND ELSEWHERE, someone has asked my two cents on the trend of SWINGING. That’ll come in the next couple weeks, as well.

  26. Adz

    I agree that it is both parties obligation to please and understand each other in a relationship. I actually feel excited that I have come to the same conclusions as both you and rg have.

    You’re right, great conversations hear today and great blog. Thoroughly enjoying it. But please remember I only provoke response and thought, I might not necessarily think in the way I put words down. Just so you know.

  27. scribe called steff

    Thanks very much. 🙂 This blog’s a very new baby — just a month old. And before that, I never wrote on sex. Figured it was time.

    Quite enjoying it myself, but it wouldn’t be half as fun without the reader response, so keep on comin’ by.

    Yeah, I’d like to see wedding vows include something along the lines of providing physicality as much as emotional presence. Funny how we still don’t see sex as something worth committing to in relationships, on an institutional level. Maybe in our lifetime that will change.

  28. writergurl

    First of all MrW, you don’t know me. You don’t know who I am, how old I am, where I live, how long I’ve been involved sexually with women or what my level of interaction with men in a sexual context is (past or present). In short you know nothing about me. And yet, you presume to make assumptions about me and my “lack” of perspective. Do NOT begin to think it’s OK for you to tell me that MY perspective is somehow lacking. You, sir, are nothing and no one to me. Therefore your words, and judgement carry precious little, nay… zero weight with me.

    I’m not the one confusing a consenual and mutual sex act (in whatever position or degree of BSDM) with something that is so fucking one sided. While a woman may get off (mentally or emotionally) on doing something for her lover that doeesn’t particularly appeal to her, that does not automatically make it an enjoyable experience for her. It’s probably just a tolerable one. Contrary to whatever delusions you may have, there’s no “mutual pleasuring” when a man ejaculates onto a woman’s face. It’s allowed, by her, as a gift, for you. You, not her. NO woman reaches an orgasmic state from your cum splattering her. Regardless of where it lands. Your orgasm simply is not an orgasmic experience for us. Notice, YOUR orgasm, OUR orgasm, two completely seperate things.

    Also, I don’t appreciate your snide inference that I have a closed mind. Hmm, lemme see, some strange man that posts an offensive “reasoning” for objectifying and degrading a woman who’s agreed to fuck him is telling me that I have a closed mind… wow, guess I need to work on that. Where, oh where, did I put that can opener?

    Kindly refrain from the nanny nany boo boo defense when next we disagree will you? Thanks ever so much.

  29. Walking Wounded

    Yeah, I agree. I mentioned the dog pissing thing as a red flag for semantics. lol I tend to be a painfully consistent devil’s advocate when it comes to debates. It annoys my dearest friends so I’m sure people were turned off by the comment before they realized that I was purposefully spreading the semantic like JIF.

    I see the discussions have gotten heated which is always cool drama. but for sex to be fun you have the save the drama for yo mamma, yo! I think the reason why this topic has gotten so heated is that it reflects the current state of the human condition where we all take ourselves a little too serious. This overflows into the sex arena unfortunately.

    I say, “what the fuck?” Get wild. Get crazy! Just as long as you are not hurting (whether physically or emotionally) the one you are having sex with. Are people going to have hang-ups? Sure. Will some take those hang-ups to the grave? Sure. You’ll find that on this side of the pond people approach issues regarding sex acts more rigidly. Hence, the strong feeling for and against that have popped up here.

    As a guy, my main beef with cumming on a girl’s face is that why should I have to break up what I am doing to provide the “money shot” when I am not even on camera? I’ll do it for the one I care about but it really doesn’t do anything for me.

    I mean, okay, if during fellatio when I’m lying back the chick lets me cum all over her and myself, I won’t protest. Pearl necklace, that’s fine. It’s sex and its supposed to be natural and unstaged a bit. Have fun, people.

    Peace

  30. Mr. W

    Writergurl – My sincere apologies. I’m honestly not here to start any drama. I said in my original post that I loved to play the devil’s advocate. When I posted my response I was hoping to do so evoking a more “point/counterpoint” style.

    What I assumed, was that you had made a quick response to a lengthy post. I also felt that there was some hostility in your commentary towards me. I was simply attempting to propel the conversation in a different direction, not a negative direction. So again, my apologies. I shouldn’t have assumed you were being closed-minded towards the perspective I presented. I have a tendancy to push and prod people in ways to illicit what I construe as a “real reaction”, and I forget that in this online world – that can be a very dangerous thing to do.

    Steff – Yes the woman gets to decide how she feels. A lot of bad things have happened with the best of intentions. That’s not an excuse by any means. It is to say that it is important for women to communicate thier honest feelings directly (and beforehand) with thier men. We only know what we’ve been taught, and what we learn. Look at our sources in society. Not so good.
    If a girl tells her man that a certain act gets her off, then that’s what he has to go on. If she isn’t being honest with him, then how is one to know?
    The great thing here is that, sure I may not get the deeper social ramifications. But I’m okay with saying that, because I’m not here to perpetuate wrong thinking, but to evolve in my personal perspectives, and move to new levels.

    This has been a very thought provoking discussion. I look forward to many more.

  31. Anonymous

    As the original poser of the question, I want to thank Steff and everyone who’s written in reply.

    You’ve certainly all given me plenty to think about – if possible, it’s made a confusing situation even more cluttered what with so many points of view!

    But hey, that’s great. Good to hear so many different views.

  32. Sazzle

    OK I’d just like to make a few points. Porn is degradation of women in that it shows the world (mainly men, though some chicks do watch it) what women are supposed to be like in the bedroom. And much of it is non-consensual but I won’t go into that now. I can understand guys getting turned on by shooting in the face (and it’s a method of contraception, although the most unreliable it has to be said) it’s kinda the peeing in the snow thing all over again, but I’m not entirely sure about the ‘marking’ thing, even reading all these comments.

    Personally I asked my (now ex) boyfriend to do it in the heat of the moment, and yeh alot of that was for him, but he still checked it was ok. It wasn’t great, we didn’t do it again, he respected that. I’m always one for trying everything once, as long as both partners respect each other.

    Adz: Some women do not get attached by sex, you would expect them to as they are technically being violated (entered) while the man is not, but believe me, there are also some guys out there who get waaaay too attatched.

    On Marriage: personally I don’t like marriage all that much. I’d hate the man standing to my right and the fact the man says his vows first. If I ever did get married I’d like to each write our own committments to each other so you could put in what you please. I’m not one for institutions I guess. And I guess the reason sex isn’t brought into it is to save poor fathers from having to admit their little girl has sex.

    PS I apologise if I’ve repeated anything previously said, just wanted to write my thoughts

  33. writergurl

    Sigh. MrW… Oh, what’s a girl to do with you? First of all, I appreciate and accept your apology. Secondly, since I was kinda rough on you in my other post, I hope you’ll accept mine as well.

    That said…

    In my first response to you, there was NO “hostility” towards you. Just your thought process. Dude, I don’t know you well enough to dislike you. If you will read through my post again, you will note that I didn’t say I would kick YOUR ass. It was all directed towards your idea that, the consensual sex act you described, was somehow equal to what most women would describe as an experience that she’d tolerate only for a man she loves.

    Now, you may wonder, why as a lesbian, I would even bother to engage in discussion about something that I don’t EVER practice. It’s not because of the psychical act itself (although I find even the idea of it unsettling) it’s the dynamics of gender inequity that angers me. What the fuck am I talking about? Bear with me, I’ll explain…

    Even though I am a lesbian, I’m a good looking woman. Not in the least like the sterotype of lesbians that prevails today. I’m not 50 lbs overweight, I own NO plaid, I wear no flannel and I do not have a haircut reminscent of Billy Ray Cyrus. I’m just as likely to wear my jeans with a stacked heel and painted toenails as I am with running shoes. Which should not lead you to believe that I can’t or don’t know how to use a framing gun or a circular saw. In other words, I’m just as capable of working a little black dress as I am of working a power tool. Which by any yardstick makes me a pretty independent woman.

    However…

    Being a woman, I am regularly subjected to many men’s leering gaze on a daily basis as I interact wtih the world. That greasy, sweaty, overly hirsute fellow that’s pumping gas at the pump next to mine thinks its perfectly fine to stare at me, “adjusting” himself while I’m doing nothing more than filling my gas tank. No, I had not flirted with him, or even done anything more than glance his way to make sure he wasn’t some nut job. This sort of thing goes on all the time, and it’s NOT limited to socio economic class or occupation. On the flight back from LA earlier this year (I was flying first class) some guy, dressed in a suit and flying first class too, thought it was perfectly fine to stare at my cleavage (I was wearing a regular silk blouse) from practically the moment I sat down across the aisle from him, until we took off, and the drinks began to flow. I find it objectionable that society figures it OK for these men to treat me (and every other woman out there) like we are on parade for their personal viewing pleasure. We are not. Just as we are not there for your own personal sexual pleasure, whatever that might be.

    Thus I find it offensive, and will speak out when some man equates something that could be used to degrade a woman with something that HE has chosen to participate in. Regardless of whether that particular act applies directly to me or not. After all, just because I haven’t been raped, doesn’t meaa that I don’t find rape offensive.

  34. scribe called steff

    Sazzle — never apologize for your comments! Thank you for chipping in. Awesome.

    Mr. W & Writergurl — Sigh. I’m gonna wade in here.

    I think there’s a world of difference between ejaculating on a chick’s face with her permission in a relationship.

    Gurl, you can’t summarily state no women get off on this act, that it’s always some magnaminous action on her behalf, just because it’s so utterly incomprehensible. No offense, but I call bullshit. Unfortunately, too, because I wish you were right. But you’re not.

    They may not be a majority, but the chicks who dig this are out there.

    Where does that fetish-fondness of theirs stem from? Who knows. To generalize and state that it’s esteem issues or self-loathing, or what have you, would be inappropriate.

    Like I said earlier, there’re people who dig being shat on, who dig having shit dumped into their MOUTHS, even, and those who enjoy golden showers. Is it comprehensible to the rest of us? No, it’s not. Is it degrading behaviour? I’d say so, yes, and scat and golden showers will NEVER be in my life. End of sentence.

    But we can’t make generalities about these things. Just like they can’t generalize that you’re some bull-dyke with your keys strapped to your belt loop on a retractable chain and ill-fitting high-waisted jeans. Generalities are easy, but they’re bullshit.

    Yes, I think there are feminist issues at play on this subject. Yes, I think it’s mostly only the odd man who really digs this. Yes, I think women who want it done to them for the sake of the experience are into being objectified or degraded because it somehow turns them on.

    And yes, I think men need to have permission before they undertake this kind of action.

    I think the debate’s been getting a little personal. I’m glad you two are kissing and making up.

    But just because an action is incomprehensible to you does not mean it doesn’t stoke the fire in someone else’s loins.

    We live in a very fucked up little world, and any given day, the headlines tell us so.

    It’s par for the course. Just like the Caramilk secret, there are some things some of us may never understand.

    But I stand by my earlier statement that, for the right man in the right relationship, I may well go in this direction so he could have the experience. I highly doubt I’d do it a second time. I’m a generous lover, but I am selfish to a fault on some issues, and I suspect this would be one, try though I might to intellectualize that away.

    I thought this would be a hot topic but I’m surprised at the passion it’s incited on both sides. I’m glad we had this little chat, though.

  35. T

    I can state absolutely that some women enjoy receiving facials. Some enjoy it occasionally, some more than that. And most women, at least in my experience, do not enjoy receiving facials, but are in the, “for the right man in the right relationship, I may well go in this direction so he could have the experience” camp.

    I posted on remittance girl’s blog on this same topic – so I’ll try not to repreat myself here.

    I enjoy giving facials – to someone who gets off on it. Someone who just wanted to do it as a gift for me? Very touching, and I appreciate the offer, but lets do something we both enjoy, ok?

    And no – I won’t give a speach about how it happened accidentally, and it turns out that I really liked it, and can I please please do it again? If the woman with me isn’t totally 100% on board – it isn’t exciting to me. What is exciting is making her come – that’s what makes me come. So facials-as-a-favor isn’t really any use – if she isn’t enjoying it as much as I am, it isn’t going to happen in any event.

    And I don’t disagree with the point that women are objectified by society all the time. It is absolutely true. But sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

    In short – cum is a highly psycologically charged substance – but it only means what the people involved believe it means.

    To one woman – she isn’t going to see it as anything other than offensive and degrading. To another woman, it is a physical product of their sexual activity, and it is naughty and hot.

    If someone were to give a facial to the first woman – it would be wrong – no matter what the guy was thinking. In the second case, if it is given in the spirit it is recieved, I don’t see anything wrong with it. And I don’t think anyone else should either.

  36. scribe called steff

    T — Thanks for those insightful comments. Very good points.

    I’m really enjoying hearing the male perspective on all of this.

    Despite being female, I do get tired of the “all men are this way” sort of stereotypical shit, because I’ve known a lot of really class acts when it comes to men. Caring, compassionate guys, and yeah, some of them have kinks. So what?

    Most guys, though, seem genuinely interested in what pleases me, satisfies me. It’s only appropriate that it goes both ways. I love when common ground is found and everything works for both parties — but that only happens when you’re open about your true desires, when you’re interested in discussing things in order to find that commonality.

    And then it comes down to how entitled you think you are to express your needs. Unfortunately, too many people don’t feel that entitlement and don’t have the courage to air those desires, and then feels get hurt and wants go unanswered.

    It’s a silly way to go.

    So yeah, loving these insights and I’m noticing some really interesting common points. It’s wonderful.

  37. Ohpineyun

    Well this topic certainly has aroused some …. strong feelings.

    Cum is a fascinating subject. It conveys the power to fertilize if it comes from the male’s cock and the power to accommodate if it comes through the female’s cunt. Basically it has a distinct purpose attached to procreation but it also carries within it the seeds of death and decay.

    In the era of STD’s with the killer AIDS toppling all other blood based diseases, cum is a sticky subject between non-monogamous couples. So I can see how you would see the indiscrete release of male ejaculate within the context of casual sexual encounters as a boundary violation at best and an ill-advised health risk in general.

    Porn hasn’t helped with its concentration on the “money” shot and ram rod rutters who can come on cue (sorry about the alliteration it just came out – hope your scribal boundaries are not violated).

    So the male ejaculate comes with a mixed blessing – to convey life it must be deposited not spent on the side of the road or face as it were. To introduce the possibility of disease it must find its mark in a vulnerable opening anywhere on the body which would make the facial splatter a public health crisis as much as a sexual domination event (I know I repeat myself but what is the good of a couplet if it can’t be used in a literary context like your Blog against Face Blasting).

    I have had limited experience with letting my seed spew out on the submissive forms that lie beneath me. By and large I prefer to spew on myself and leave a deposit inside where it is warm the rest of the time. Occasionally when I am unable to cum the old fashion way from rutting and penile branding of the vaginal sheath, my lover will encourage me to masturbate on her body. Can’t say this does much for me however. I typically feel like a frigid failure who is reduced to hand pump performance with an audience that wants to roll over and go to sleep.

    I did have a Jewish lover who wanted me to cum on her face, cum in her mouth, penetrate her virgin anus and share fantasies of orgasmic sexual unions with tall dark and well endowed men in contrast to my Goyem, WASPish timidity and quite average endowment. The relationship didn’t last. I became her sexual object, boy toy, in the flesh vibrator. She was, however, one of the most incredibly sexual people I have every known and to this day miss her appetites if not her object lessons with my dick in her hand.

    So I guess there is no real conclusion here – for you and others a facial is just another way of men saying, I complete you or take this spew and love it. For male porn stars, it’s the way to keep the paychecks coming, and for some women it is a way to transit from female sexual expectations to the world of males and sexual dominance which to my way of thinking is really a transgendered domain.

  38. scribe called steff

    Some great points, and some nice alliteration! Very nicely stated for an on-the-fly comment. Thanks for the various insights.

  39. Anonymous

    Mmm…
    Many times I’ve had a guy cum on different parts of my body (face included) by accident. Most jump out of bed and run to get a kleenex. Although I appreciate the thought, nothing annoys me more than a guy breaking the mood/moment b/c he thinks I’m going to freak out by his spunk. Seriously, when two people are having sex, everyone’s juices are (or should be) all over their bodies. That means they really got into eachother. So if his spunk gets on me, who the hell cares? Why should that distract me from the euphoria of one of us having an orgasm?
    That said, a guy kneeling over my face and cuming on purpose is very weird, not because I feel used, but because (I asume) the arousal came from some type of close contact, and in the key moment he jumps up to be able to cum on me. In my opinion, it is feels bad because of the separation created between the two people, not because of the actual facial.
    Now, if the way the night went, he is actually jerking off for me, or something similar which involves more distance, it turns me on to feel “connected” by him cuming on me and “showing” that I am an important part of his climax.

    I’m a feminist too, in the I-love-men kind of feminists. Yes, porn can be insulting and degrading, and women tend to be objectified. That said, when I’m hooking up with a guy, it is because I respect him and I know he respects me. So, why should I bring what the group of morons-who-use-women think into my bedroom? He’ll probably have my cum all over his face after oral, so why should I feel inferior by having his?

  40. Anonymous

    Enjoying the everyday thought of my cum on womens faces was a short phase I went through. I like the images on this site and almost all porn is something I don’t like, but I take what I can get. The only place I want to cum is in a woman’s vagina, mouth, or on her breasts. I don’t know about swallowing anymore. It’s never happened when my penis was in a woman’s mouth so I don’t know what I’m missing. It might be good. I just don’t know. I keep hearing how good that and cum on a woman’s face is, but I really don’t know anymore. I’d be happy if I just found a woman who wasn’t obsessed with sex all the time, could hug me, listen, and didn’t need a man with a nice car, good job, and lots of money. If my one and only didn’t want cum on her face, I’d forget the whole idea and never wonder about it ever again.

  41. Anonymous

    I would like to add that while I’ve always wanted to come on my girlfriend’s face, I haven’t done so for many reasons. For instance, I may desire it on some nearly unconscious level, but I am not okay in doing something what would probably be degrading for her, both from my point of view and her point of view.

    But there has been a comrpomise. Once giving me a blowjob she rubbed my cock over her face, slowly, just touching the cheeks and rolled the head over the chin. This occured out of the blue, and somehow I found that this satisfied the very same sexual desire of marking ownership, or whatever it is that lurks in the subconscious. I became incredibly aroused and came mere seconds after she resumed the main course.

    We talked about it later that night and I told her how incredibly arousing it were what she did and she said “it felt sexy for her too”.

    So, anyway, my point above was that it doesn’t actually have to be about cum, at least for me. I’m really happy that I found some comfortable way to reduce that tension, something that we both at least can agree with.

  42. Anonymous

    I only let hot HOT guys do it… and I think I only let it happen a few times. One was very recently… and it was really hot to feel that hot cum running all over my chin… i just wish i could’ve watched him cum but feeling it w/o being able to see it is so hot.

    I don’t really relate to the ownership thing though… but perhaps on a subconscious level I “let” super hot guys own me and really they can do WHATEVER they want with me… since I so rarely get this certain type that I like. (When i say “hot” I am refering to a very specific kind of guy – not just standard “hot” – I have gotten 5 from age 16 to 26).

  43. Anonymous

    I for one never have cummed on a girls face, although wouldn’t mind the choice. When i go down on a girl i really love it and will stay until she cums or i get cramp in the tongue…whichever comes first but i have had girls (long term partners) “gushing” all over my face and it simply arouses me more, in fact I would go to say i would prefer that! I think all juices are simply part of sex and if someone thinks its disgusting then they’re not really giving sex the respect i would give it with a partner you love!

  44. A Scribe Called Steff

    MORE COMMENTS from when I had reposted it on the second incarnation of this blog:
    Mike’s Girl said…
    No working link to the previous site’s comments, so I’ll just add mine here.
    I’ve always been baffled by the money shots in porn — it’s so much sexier to me for the guy to come IN the woman… I’ve always figured they wanted to “prove” the guy came… (Or encourage the viewer to join in?)
    The idea that guys like to see their fluids splashed all over a women is also baffling — but then lots about what men like is baffling. Each to his or her own.
    3:50 PM
    observer said…
    Coming late to this discussion, as it were. Curiously appropriate, but that’s another long story.
    At one time I had an incredibly sexy girlfriend. We were fascinated by each other. She is still a highly intelligent, ambitious and adventurous person who went on after our thing to have a career and a family and stuff and junk. She was an honor student, and an explorer of the erotic experience.
    On more than one occasion, in the throes of passion, she said, “come on my face!”
    Even by invitation, I couldn’t. I never wanted any sexual experience in which the partners were not clearly equal and directed toward each other’s mutual pleasure. Once a woman knelt in front of me when we were showering together. She was an extraordinarily accomplished fellationist, but I couldn’t handle the subservience of her position.
    I, too am depressed and left wanting by the stereotypical and degrading images in the vast majority of what purports to be erotic. But what is truly special might become mundane if it was not so rare. The truly great moments of shared pleasure need to be built. That takes time. Mass-produced stereotypical images are “quick and dirty.” Suits modern society’s, particularly America’s, increasing ADD.
    8:28 AM
    Jen D said…
    Hey
    I just wanted to let you know that I love what you write about and I especially enjoy the blogs related to sex and relationships. I think your smart, spunky and TRULY REMARKABLE WRITTER!! If you would like to look at some of my work just search for: sexy time show on Youtube.com
    Hope to hear from you soon
    Jen D
    12:30 PM
    Scribe Called Steff said…
    THANK YOU, Guys!!! 🙂
    Thanks for your comments.

  45. anonamous

    I just want to echo what T said. I find facials quite erotic. Perhaps it is because I have been ‘conditioned’ from porn, but I would like to think part of why I find them stimulating is that the female face is WILDLY erotic and alluring (for me, watching a girl’s lips and eyes during sex is hotter than watching her ‘assets’). I also think that a girl who really enjoys giving oral is the hottest thing that can happen in the bedroom. But sex for me is all about mutuality. The most rewarding part of sex is getting the girl to orgasm. Sex is about pleasing your partner before you please yourself. And the best orgasms that I have are the ones where I know my girlfriend is turned on by it. If the girl is not into my orgasm, then it is just not that good for me. If the girl finds a facial hot, and if she enjoys it, then I would love to do it. If she was just doing it because ‘she wanted to please me’ or ‘compromise in the bedroom,’ then the entire appeal is lost. I do not think that I find the facial appealing because I am “dominating” the girl or “marking my territory.” I think facials are hot because the female face is one of the girl’s most sexual and sensual areas, and seeing an orgasm on those hot lips and cheeks is just a visual thrill. This is no different than orgasming on a girl’s breasts or butt; these are all highly erotic and arousing areas. I find it very surprising when girls say “he cums on my breasts, my butt, or my vagina, but if he ever came on my face I would kill him!” Ladies, your breasts, butt and vagina and face are all part of YOU. Personally, I try to respect the entire female body equally.
    Porn largely does objectify women. That is the consequence of porn. Porn is an industry. It’s about making money. It is a means to an end. Porn does not equal sex, especially the real sex that happens between two loving people in a relationship. There are some major leaps of logic to assume that:
    1. Men watch porn.
    2. There are facials in porn.
    Conclusion: All men who want to give facials are objectifying/disrespecting/abusing women.
    I’m sure there are some guys out there who get off on giving a facial without their girl’s pleasure. They don’t care if she finds the facial repulsive; they just want to get off. I don’t know how they do it. But it’s a pretty big generalization by ANYBODY to assume that the facial is always going to be negative in context. Maybe blowjobs are demeaning, maybe anal is demeaning, maybe BDSM is demeaning. Personally, I do not think anything is demeaning as long as both partners are into it, and if the sex is MUTUAL.
    I also think it’s pretty shady and lame when people say things like:
    “no girl really enjoys giving a facial.”
    or
    “girls that give facials have some deeply rooted psychological problem”
    Who is anybody to say what someone enjoys? This is feminist propaganda. And I can’t stand when lame psychobabble is used to propel this argument that “if you enjoy getting a facial you have something psychologically wrong with you.” Are we going to add facials to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders? If we do we better add BDSM, and role playing, and all the other things that are not intercourse.
    Here’s progressive thinking. Some girls are turned on by erotica. Some girls are turned on by porn. Some girls are turned on by facials. Some girls might even GET OFF when they receive a facial.
    My cliché and final thought is this: do what you enjoy, not what you are told to enjoy. Sex is an adventure. Good sex (and relationships) are all about trying new things, exploring new territory, and pleasing each other. Don’t get hung up on feminist critique. If you and your partner are both into facials, GO FOR IT. If you aren’t, then DON’T DO IT. There are a bajillion other things you can do in the bedroom. It’s really not a big deal.
    (By the way, I also want to echo T’s thoughts; please don’t “accidentally” give a girl a facial. Talk to her about it before hand. Show her a more feminist-driven porn movie with a cumshot/facial. See if the notion of you orgasming has high appeal to her. Then talk about facials. Man up; the best relationships are the OPEN ones.)

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