Stupid is as stupid does

I’m doing the online dating thing. Let me say ONE THING: Your opening line is EVERYTHING, boys.
So, the guy who just opened with: “May I have your panties?” Uh… Where to even begin on the lameness scale for that one?
Remember, “block this person” is the most valuable tool you have when doing the online thing.
Block, block, block. Fucking twit.

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So, Dear Readers, I’d like to ask you to stay tuned. Starting next week, I’ll have more time on my hands and a more diligent writing schedule, and I have a few ambitious ideas to tackle. Hopefully this place’ll be hopping again. In the meantime, I’d like to leave you with this lovely image.
Why this image? Because I’ve been pursuing the online thing more of late, and my GOD am I getting frustrated.
Okay, here’s a mini-rant.
Men are willing to go off to war. They’re willing to scale mountains. They’re willing to do all manner of stupid, life-endangering things, like running with bulls, but god-fucking-forbid they have the balls to cancel on a chick or see through some plans. (Obviously, there are awesome men out there who are not these guys… WHERE ARE YOU? Come HITHER. Now.)
As far as I can tell, these guys all want me. They’ve said so in countless ways, but as soon as our plans roll around, the guys are typically forgetful men and they often FORGET the dates. Instead of having the balls to say, “Shit, I forgot,” they pussy up and never contact me again. And the amusing thing? I’m usually pretty cool about that sort of thing. I’m a busy chick, and I like my time alone, so getting a night to myself is often a bonus, not a horrible event.
I’ve always thought I was pretty decent at decoding men, but these days, I’m getting just a little flustered. I tell you, I’m five minutes away from walking into a bar and laying it on a guy. Trust me, I could easily walk in, and walk out with a dude on my arm — I just hate the got’em-at-the-bar kind of deal.
On the flipside, meeting a nice CHICK someplace seems like a fuck of a lot LESS (ed. note: seems I forgot the most important word in this sentence earlier… AHEM.) hassle. I tell you, I’m so close to being driven to dyke by the dicks. So very close.

10 thoughts on “Stupid is as stupid does

  1. Anonymous

    Onine dating is bizarre. Mind you, so is dating, period.

    I did see one charming profile, though. It started out, “I am lazy, boring and not very bright. My friends (I don’t really have any) say I’m no fun at parties…” Of course, this man is none of those things, just very funny and rather brave. Among the usual overblown descriptions and bitter lists of what isn’t wanted, this bit of self-deprecating silliness was a breath of fresh air that made me laugh out loud. Now him, I’d give my panties to…

  2. jazz

    it is soooo much easier to meet nice girls. i meet them everywhere. too bad that they’re not usually gay/bi…

  3. tinyhands

    It sounds like you’re on the verge of asking a question only a man can answer. Something like “What the fuck?” but maybe a bit more substantial?

    I’d be happy to answer from my perspective, no holds barred. I’d also love to read about your internet dating experiences, as I’d like to pony-up the courage to try it myself soon.

  4. chelsea girl

    I feel you, sister.

    I’ve done the online dating thing, and for some reason, because experience usually does indeed teach me things, I am never failed to be amazed by the cavalier and fuckwitted attitude of men toward plans.

    Don’t want to go out? Not a problem, call me. Don’t want to go out with me? Still not a problem, call me. Don’t actually want to call me? Still, so not a problem, email me.

    It’s no big, and yet so often this one thing seems to stymie men with whole careers, possibly even families, men who have travelled the world and written about it.

    It makes no sense.

    My new rule is this: you get one free fuck up. After that, I’m done. I have no reason to date/fuck/involve myself with a dude who shows no history of being able to do what he says.

    You know, for what it’s worth.

  5. Sazzle

    Haha I’ve had some really weird messages of guys, one was very explicit, and made me wanna chuck, not least because of the cum all over ur face reference – bleugh. And one guy who I’ve had about an hour of conversation online with and he’s sent one pic sent me a message “do you like me”. Well…it’s kinda hard to know from that, but I’m guessing no now.

    As for the pic, love it, particularly the expression on the guy in the background’s face!! Made me chuckle!!

  6. chunu

    Hmm, online dating huh? My personal experience, not so much dating as just bumping into people online and things going on from there in real – I guess Oz is a bit too far for a Vancouver girl to consider LOL?

    We aren’t all Steve Irwin you know – actually, hmm as a Kiwi, we aren’t all rugby players either LOL.

  7. Charles

    Hmmmmm…Liberals do have a way not following through on anything.

    You may want to try dating a few fine Republican men and see if follow through is possible.

    πŸ™‚

  8. lilith

    online dating is a frenzied dance if anything. One moment you are doing ballet, and then you wake up with samba heels on. I tried it and figured it out this way: men who are on online dating sites are either trying to up their ‘I slept with this many” tally or “I need to get married..NOW!” group. At first I was mad, but now I put them in a group that seems a bit more appropriate: toys.
    you might find him or her, but always realize that the best dates usually fall in your lap.

  9. scribe called steff

    I just realized that I’ve commented to no one. So, backwards first.

    LILITH: I’m glad to see that’s Alan Rickman and not you after all. At first I thought you were a very stern looking English wench or something. Whew. πŸ™‚ Yeah, I’m going to keep trying with the e-dating and see what happens. I’m not that concerned. It’s better than the alternative for now — barhopping.

    CHARLES: Hey, watch it, bub. We call ’em “Conservatives” here in Canada. I’m trying to avoid them… But y’know, if you’re in the ‘hood, do say Hi.

    CHUNU: God, Maple Ridge is too far for a Vancouver girl to consider. A short busride is the most I’m open to. πŸ˜›

    SAZZLE: It’s a strange world of clueless people out there. I’m flabbergasted that anyone figured the “sex” thing out in the beginning. Way to go, Adam & Eve.

    PIU PIU: One frustration away from lesbianism? Oh, there’s a story to follow!

    CHELSEA: Fucking baffles me. I’m pretty sick of it, and then you get “Oh, well, I’m more spontaneous by nature.” YEAH, so am I — AFTER I FUCKING MEET THE PEOPLE. ooooooooooh. Don’t get me started. Heh. Supposed to be hooking up with a man tonight. I’ve lowered my expectations, but since the plans were made only 24 hours beforehand, I suspect there’s a greater chance of success.

    TINYHANDS: I’ll be sure to expound soon.

    JAZZ: The above story was written on Commercial Drive, a well-known dyke stretch of town in Van. You want to meet a chick, there’s where they are.

    ANONYMOUS: Yeah, there are some amusing, self-deprecating guys out there. I’m fortunate that my profile generates a lot of interest, but I often wonder if I’m being too picky. I don’t know. Hmm. We’ll see.

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