For the e-Dating Types: Six Tips

Note from Steff in 2010: It’s almost five years later, and every one of these still holds true. Please, for the love of God, people: Think about the kind of person you’ll attract through your profile, then plan accordingly. Here’s a few things not to do.

  • Look, everyone on the e-dating systems is taking a chance by putting their faces/profiles out there. Stop being a bonehead and saying, “I can’t believe I’m doing this…” or “I don’t have a lot of faith in this…” If not, then don’t!
  • We all find it a little weird, all right? In a perfect world, we’d walk into a bookstore, grin at a cutey, and have a date in five. Instead, we’re coming home after work, having a drink, and logging onto a dating service. Right. Yeah, that’s a little odd. Stop mentioning it. It’s kind of like going to a dinner party where the food’s shit: Everyone knows it, but you just nod and smile anyways.
  • If you’re a guy or gal looking for a class act to hook up with, it’s probably not the brightest idea to get a photo where you’re holding a beer bottle. Let’s think about it, all right?
  • Please, for the love of god, don’t make your profile read “If you want to know, ask.” The whole point of e-dating is the not-having-to-ask thing. Haven’t you noticed? But if you insist on staying single, have at ‘er.
  • Yes, yes, yes, we can see you’re a romantic because your profile photo is a sunset, but really, can we get a little skin? Come on.
  • And to the men out there, putting in your profile that she must be a little domesticated and know how to cook is so not gonna get you action. I just saw a guy’s profile where he demanded exactly that. And know what? He used that filthy word, too… “Laundry.”

It’s incredible the amount of oblivious folks out in the world. Sure keeps it entertaining for the rest of us, though, doesn’t it?