Sex & Food — And Vodka Grapes

Food and sex. Fuel and the combustion engine. Mac and cheese. Some things are just go together.

Food has been associated with sin and sex ever since Adam and Eve got evicted from the Garden of Eden for swiping an apple. If you’ve ever had a caramelized apple pie, you know Adam and Eve made the right choice. Good one, guys.

For me, food heightens sex. There’s nothing like a well-timed strawberry tied into a bondage/blindfolding session. Except, of course, dark chocolate. Bitter, dark chocolate is in a sexy class all on its own.

I love buttering up a man with an elaborate meal before the evening’s indoor sports. I love a blindfold session with fruit, since the tastes have never been as brilliant as they are in that dark. And really, with all that sweating, grunting, and working out, who doesn’t appreciate a refreshing flavour explosion or a little added sustenance?

Face it, so much can be contributed to your romance by way of your pantry. Some meals can be seduction on a plate. Some foods are teasers you can feed each other to heighten the act. Some delicacies are associated entirely with romancing a lover. (Chocolate fondue, anyone?)

It’s time we acknowledge the holy union of sex and nibbling for what it is: Irresistable.

Vodka-Marinated Grapes
* Vodka
* Grapes

Yep. That’s it. If yer not hip to vodka and the goodness of it, and you don’t know your brands, stick to the following: Iceberg, Stoli, Finlandia, and that advertising whore, Absolut.

Here’s what you do. Take the grapes you like, a seedless variety, and clean them thoroughly. Puncture each one with a toothpick at least once or twice. Put them in a Ziploc baggie and freepour vodka in there until they’re swimming in a fashion worthy of approval by any Russian.

Put them in the fridge and let them get happy for one or two (three?) days. The longer, the better.

When your lover is blindfolded, pop one of those badboys into their mouth and watch the flavour sensation bring a wicked little smile to their lips. (You can taunt them by dragging the cold, dripping wet grape up their torso to their lip. Always heightens it a bit more.)

Don’t be silly and do anything hasty with that vodka, either, kids. Get yourself a little cranberry juice, a martini shaker, some ice, and mix you and your lover a couple nice martinis when you take a break from the gruelling grind.

You can do this with cubed melon, orange slices, Granny Smith apple wedges, mango pieces, whatever gets you happy. Grapes tend to absorb the yummy booze super well, though, and are my personal preference, and really respond nicely to the vodka. If you have any left over and you’re not a martini fan, you can always mix the vodka with some nice fruit for a badly-behaved fruit salad in the morning… particularly if you’re having a stay-home-and-screw Sunday.

All in the name of fun, right?