Hey, Where's OUR Smut?

It’s a Sunday afternoon, and instead of being on my ass at home or out in the world, I’m at the office. Not “the” office, really, since I’m just helping stop the Christmas bleeding for the goodly folk who owned my ass for five years, but still, here I am.
Last night was the annual Christmas party for their staff, which entails copious alcohol and fabulous food. Last night? Oysters, lobster. Precisely what to give an undersexed sex writer: An aphrodisiac. I so thank you for the added frustrations.
Add to that, I spent the night with a gay man. My best friend, GayBoy, and I crashed at his loverman’s pad after too much drinking.
I laid there on the Ikea couch, staring at the citylight pouring through the horizontal blinds, the lines of light playing on the cieling, and thought about earlier in the night…
My recent endeavours writing about smut has become a popular conversational topic among people I’m catching up with, and last night was no different. Sex became the evening’s topic, and naturally, when I was out on the sidewalk with some of the boys, talking, they proceeded to let me know about the men’s washroom in the oyster bar.
“The Centipede” became the most-talked-about piece of art — a black & white abstract close-up of a woman’s vagina. It turns out there were more than a half-dozen or so close-ups of vaginas in all their assorted beauty (eye/beholder) adorning the men’s washroom’s walls.
And in the ladies’ room? Pictures of squid. Oysters. Other seafood.
So, this begs the question: Where is our equality, huh?
Not that I’m saying I really needed any additional sexual frustration last night, but I’m a little baffled how a supposedly upscale place in one of the posher neighbourhoods in downtown Vancouver gets away with seafood in one washroom, and nicely done porn in the other?
It’s an interesting statement about men, particularly the autographed, framed photo of a porn star / stripper named Portia, inscribed, presumably, to the owner of the establishment. It read, “Shaz — I’m sorry to hear about your upcoming wedding. I was so looking forwards to riding your hard cock.”
Naturally, the boys insisted they play guard and keep the coast clear long enough for me to go and soak in the ambiance of the boys’ room. It was great for a laugh, and goes to show how divided the sexes are still. To each their own.
The guys I was with, one gay, one whipped, and one probably bi- (any guy who can belt out an Ethel Merman impression about a credit card has no goddamned right claiming to be heterosexual), all claimed they found the “art” a little disconcerting.
Either way, I could care less. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it. Yeah, maybe it objectifies women, but you show me one fucking thing that doesn’t, honey, and you got better eyes than me. Fodder for dialogue, that’s all.
Now, I see nothing really wrong here, but what do you all think about it? Does it make an interesting statement about the sexes today?

5 thoughts on “Hey, Where's OUR Smut?

  1. Xtine

    hi, I have been reading your blog for a while but have so far refrained from commenting. But having just finished an assignment regarding constructed gendered identities enforced by bathroom politics I thought I might have something worth saying.

    I agree, there is nothing wrong with images of vagina’s being up in the mens room, a little heter-sexist perhaps. My guess of it is, the vagina pictures are a tasteful substitute for a large neon flashing sign that reads “THERE IS NO HOMOEROTICISM IN THE MENS ROOM”

    perhaps they hope those heavenly divides will prevent men from gazing to the side and pondering what that lovely penis beside them would feel like to touch? I have heard alot of artists focusing on images of the vagina, as though it were some bottomless pit of fantasty, people seem to be obsessed with it.

    I think the seafood images in the women’s bathroom is far more of a problem.

  2. Phaedrous

    Hmmmm. I would have to say that it is a rare male bathroom that contains pictures of vaginas, artistic or otherwise. I’ve been in my share over the years (yes, both) and in most men’s rooms the decor rarely rises to the level that might capture the interest. I can’t speak for the wall art on the feminine side however because I’ve seen precious few of them.

    Now, whether all of this is unequal, or unfair, or unimportant depends (in my mind only) on what happens when the neurons flash (or sizzle) in the mind of the beholder. What do you do with the imagery internal and external? If you are a stupid fuck, as some are, chances are that you will continue on down that path. If you are not, same thing. In the end, I don’t think an image on the wall of a pisser will change the viewer to any great degree.

    I would personally welcome seeing artistically presented aspects of the female form. I never tire of the view. Much better than Harley’s in my mind.

  3. Knattyb

    I don’t beleive an “artist” can objectify women or anything else, aside from actual objects. With art specifically, the context and subject can be miles apart.

    But more to the point of the objectification of women; I don’t believe a person can objectify for the masses. People do that for themselves. Pornography depicting women in degrading situation or in a submissive role, does not objectify that woman or women as a whole. I believe that since there are thousands of real women who might partake in and enjoy such things, that it could not be objectifying them. I beleive that it is merely showing a broader depiction of who a woman is.

    In my opinion objectification can only take place in the mind of the observer.

    but hey, thats just me.

  4. Goose and Gander

    It just seems odd to me from a thematic perspective. Art in one bathroom, nature in the other? Vaginas in one, animals in the other. I would expect that an upscale place would have the same basic theme pervading both areas…fine art or animal images. I find that weird. Doesn’t sound planned somehow. or planned badly.
    As a female, I’d definately like fine art focusing on bodies in the bathroom, but I do think that if I walked in and saw cocks in the stalls, I’d worry for a second I went in the wrong restroom!
    As always an interesting post!

  5. virgin

    We had a porn bathroom in my house. The former tenants painted images on all the walls and the ceiling. They even managed to incorporate the shower head. None of it showed any artistic talent whatsoever.

    Nowadays, I’d rush in and snap a few photos before fixing it. Too bad I didn’t think that way a year and a half ago.

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