Little Lovin' For the Feminine Self: Questions?

I need to write something about sex, and I’m told from time to time that guys like the insight into a chick’s mind that I try to provide. So, I’m not feeling like thinking of topics, so being spoon-fed one is just fine. As a result, I was asked about women masturbating. Apparently it’s all a little mysterious to the men. You poor, clueless boys. Let’s shed a little light on this topic — and it’s a big one. Maybe two parts, possibly three? So, my questions are:
For Women: How often do you go to it? If you don’t, why not? If you do, what’s your pleasure — your hands, battery-operated toys, manual toys, or have you gotten creative? Do you always orgasm when you do it, and if you don’t, why do you stop? Are you unable to reach that point? If/when you do orgasm, how long does it take? What triggers the need to reach out and touch yourself? Obviously, if you do it, you masturbate at home, but where else have you done it? Publically? (I have a tale I could tell. Hmm. Will I, though?)
For Men: What do you really want to know? Has a woman ever masturbated for you? Do you notice a difference between women who do, and women who don’t, as lovers? (That’s a no-brainer, but let’s hear it from you. What kinds of differences do you notice? Do they do more for you, in what way? Are they more open? Do they orgasm easier? Are they more experimental? I’d have to guess yes to the last four questions, but expound, please.)
Me, lemme say this: Every woman should masturbate. If you don’t, you’re selling yourself short as a lover. If you don’t, your repressing your femininity. If you think you’re a modern, strong, independent woman, and you’re afraid to touch yourself, or you’re squeamish about it, then I bet you could be doing better in all three of those departments. Let’s get over the shame and the apprehension about our bodies, and just GO there. Orgasms feel good. Stop fucking waiting for a man to make you feel the way you should.
Yeah, I’m a feminist, and I masturbate. Often. Atwood said a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle, and most days, she’s right. We’ve got Duracell and Haagen-Daaz.*
*Needs, though, ain’t got a lot to do with it. I don’t need men, I just like them. πŸ˜‰

If commenting freaks you out, email me. I likely won’t respond in the immediate future, but I’ll get around to it eventually, but I’ll use it as inspiration for the posts, which I hope to start off early Thursday, but use the input for, say, Friday, but the sooner, the better.

16 thoughts on “Little Lovin' For the Feminine Self: Questions?

  1. Laura

    I masturbate pretty much every day, or at least every second day. I usually use my hands for a morning quicky, so I don’t take the time to really spend a lot of time on it and enjoy it to the fullest, but when I do, I love to take my time, maybe a batteryoperated friend (but I don’t live alone, and it’s easy to hear what’s going on in my room, so that’s pretty rare).

    I do it for the orgasm, and I reach the climax almost every time. But if I’m in a rush and have already spent 30 minutes, I quit before orgasm. I usually spend 10 minutes if I want to do it fast, but I can easily spend 30 when I’m alone, before I go to sleep.

    I have a small masturbation-goal for the upcoming year (I’m pretty young and still have A LOT to find out about myself); to spend more time to have fun with myself, not just masturbate because I really need an orgasm

  2. scribe called steff

    A half-an hour?! Geez, I’m such a sprinter. I just do the deed to get off. The faster, the better. Ha. Might do more than once over a few minutes or a half hour, but yeah, fast, finish, move on. πŸ™‚

  3. Laura

    I don’t say one orgasm on 30 minutes; I’m talking about 10! πŸ˜‰

    But, as I said (or, I think I said); sometimes a minute, other times longer.

  4. Anonymous

    What a great question, and with so much potential for male education πŸ™‚

    I masterbate in accordance with my menstrual cycle. I can go for weeks without masturbating, and then it seems I’m doing it every day, sometimes twice. I began to notice over the years that I masturbated more just before my period as well as mid-cycle. If I’m not particularly in the mood, I sometimes masturbate anyway, if I can’t sleep. It helps.

    I used to use a vibrator that was a gift from a former boyfriend. However, I began to worry that the intensity of the vibration was sort of numbing me out, and I would not be able to get off while having sex, because a man can never be as intense (or as reliable) as a vibrator. Let me tell you, I really worried about this! The vibrator broke several years ago, and I began to use my hand instead, and gradually, became used to it. I got cramps in my arm at first (!), but I think I’ve gotten my muscles into shape now :). The vibrator was one of those that could be purchased at Sears or the The Bay, in that it was described as a “body massager”. It was not dildo shaped, and came with several attachments, although I generally used only one of them.

    I’ve also had a dildo shaped vibrator that I occasionally used in my ass while masturbating, but I never found pleasure using it in my cunt. That vibrator is now broken too. I don’t know if I’ll get another one, as I live with someone too, and I don’t want her to be listening at the door for the humming sounds πŸ™‚

    I always orgasm when I masturbate. The intensity of the orgasm varies, and I notice that the more motivated I am to masturbate, the more intense the orgasm. If I masturbate because I can’t sleep, or if I have trouble focusing while at it, it seems to be less intense, although no less enjoyable.

    I can reach an orgasm in less than a minute, and usually do in less than 5. The quickest is just before my period is due, and the slowest is when I’m not particularly horny. I’ve never not been able to, except during a time when I was taking an anti-depressant that had that particular side-effect. I don’t really understand people who go to great lengths to set a scene (candles, music, etc.) just to masturbate. Me – I get into bed, think up a good fantasy, and have at it.

    Triggers: could be just that I was thinking of sex, or had read something that turned me on, or it’s just the right time. 90% of the time I have a fantasy running through my head, and the fantasy is one that I would NEVER do in real life, but somehow, touches the right chord for personal satisfaction. Fantasy topics range from prostitution, public sex, group sex, paid for sex, etc.

    I generally masturbate at home, in my own bed, but have occasionally masturbated elsewhere. I have been inspired to masterbate in the bathroom at the office, but only very rarely, and because I can’t get it off my mind. I can sometimes get myself off by crossing my legs and squeezing my thighs together, so I’ve been able to do that in public, and if I’m really discreet, no one really knows πŸ™‚

    I usually just have one orgasm, and that satisfies, but I have occasionlly gone for two.

    I really love your blog, Stef – this is my first time commenting. Keep up the great work!

  5. broad abroad

    Actually, a man introduced me to masturbation. (Thank you!!)
    Amount: on the average about 5 times a week preferably hands.
    Yes, I almost always orgasm; if I don’t I am too pre-occupied, tense or tired. I stop then and look forward to the next time.

    Time: depends on the situation. A quick pleasure will be fast, short and sweet within 5 minutes; at night time it averages between 25-40 minutes (more variation).

    Triggers: towelling off after a bath, hearing/seeing/reading something sensual titillating, touching skin mhmmm, feeling great about myself, lying in bed… and at times relieving pressure or stress/cramps to feel relaxed.

    In public? Haven’t. Can’t imagine it either. Alone or with my lover would be my choice. It would excite me (and surprise me) to see but I’d go home afterwards.

  6. me

    I used to do it close to 9 times a day when I was living with three boys (must’ve been the pheremones). Mostly I’d just use my hand (I’m a righty but I use the left) to rub one out. Doesn’t take me long. The first go, usually a minute, maybe two, but once that’s out of the way, I can go in thirty seconds or so. Don’t ask my why, but I usually do it in threes, either when I wake up or go to bed or both. Once in awhile I like to change it up with a vibrator.

    Normally I do it at home, on my bed, but I’ve done it in the shower, and I used to do it in the car a lot. Yes, while driving. I don’t know, it broke up long rides and/or made my drive home more fun (hint: it’s easiest to do when you’re on cruise control and wearing a skirt).

  7. figleaf

    Great questions Steff, and great answers too, everyone else. I’m only going to challenge the “poor clueless boys” part if you can all say, with a straight face, that you’re either entirely incurious about how boys do it or know so much about it that there’s nothing left to learn. πŸ™‚

    The most surprising (constantly surprising, really) thing for me is how quickly you guys do it on your own. I don’t mean quickly as in “before the man comes,” I mean quickly as in “before the water runs hot in the shower.” Wow. Unless I’m already burstingly horny it takes me at least five minutes and given the opportunity I like to take an hour or more. (The longer I take, and the less efficient I am about “rubbing one out” the better it feels in the long run.)

    Thanks!

    figleaf

    p.s. The word verification for this comment was “fnunfun” …which I think I may have said after more than once while masturbating. πŸ™‚

  8. Dirty Debbie

    With me I can’t find any cycle to it. It isn’t daily. I can go for a week or so but that’s it. One big trigger for me is writing the stories that I put on my site. It’s been so bad that I’ve jerked off at work. When I do it at home I’ve done it the bedroom, my office, and the living room…doesn’t matter to me.

    I usually get primed reading or checking out some of fellow sexbloggers sites. I’m into amateur porn, but it’s not necessary.

    I use both my hands and/or my toys. I get off faster with my hands. I use my toys when I want to lay back and really take the time to enjoy all the sensations.
    I always orgasm either way, it’s just more intense when it’s manual.

    Keep enjoying gals…

  9. mhorts

    Watching a woman masturbate is one of the most erotic things I have ever seen. It has to be real though. A lot of the solo scenes in porn just don’t look real. But when it is obvious that a woman is really into herself at that moment, there is nothing else I would rather see. There are two things I like about it. The first is that it shows she has self-confidence. The second is that I know that she knows how to please herself, and she will be willing and able to give me guidance when it is my turn.

    Unfortunately, I don’t have enough experience with different women to answer your other questions.

    One other comment I would like to make is in regard to your not needing men when you have Duracell and Haagen-Dazs, and this leads into a question I have for the ladies. The orgasms I experience when they are given by another are much more intense and pleasurable than the orgasms that are self-inflicted. I don’t know why, but I never get those baby giraffe legs after I masturbate, but I always get them after sex. Do the ladies find the same to be true?

  10. Bard X

    What are some of the reasons women are hesitant or resistant to masturbating?

    Watching a woman do it (or doing it in front of a woman) are both great turn ons. It seems like masturbation is just one of many things that are tell-tale in terms of openmindedness & comfort w/ one’s body- like watching porn, sex w/ the lights on/ broad daylight, sex in the great outdoors (the shooter Sex on the Beach has nothing on the real deal) or just not taking it so seriously & having a shared laugh as you try new things with each other (even if it doesn’t turn out quite as planned).

    Any ideas on the percentage of women that like to masturbate w/ things other than fingers, toys & a daydream- eg: sights, sounds, or any other senses?

  11. scribe called steff

    HEY, LOVING the enthusiasm on this topic. I’ve gotten a couple wicked emails that give me something to go on, as well.

    Too busy to write until probably Friday, but stay tuned!

    I HAD A JOB INTERVIEW TODAY FOR SOMETHING I WOULD DIE AND GO TO HEAVEN OVER IF I LANDED IT — I’m asking everyone to send out fluffy positive thoughts of me landing what could be a dream job until a writing gig pays off. I’m not that new agey, but fuck, if vibes work, send ’em! πŸ™‚

    Thanks, folks.

    Keep the commentary coming! I might do a week-long series on this! Fascinating! Who knew?! πŸ™‚

    (Fig — I’ve got a pretty good notion on men and masturbating, since I’ve done the mutal-pleasure thing with every guy I’ve been with — educational, but I’m just saying chicks have more of a clue what guys need to do, but I think a lot of guys are a little mystified at times about chicks — like why some don’t, the differences, etc. But I’M ABSOLUTELY OPEN TO MEN DIVULGING MORE ABOUT THEMSELVES. I’ll strongly consider tackling male self-pleasure, with input from my male readers, for the future — because I know ignorance is a two way street and a lot of women over-simplify mens’ approaches to themselves, and I know it.)

    A friend is at my door. Y’all will get feedback on yer comments tomorrow or something. πŸ™‚

  12. Amber

    I love to masturbate. It’s a great tension releaser and it’s just great. To be alone and touch myself.

    I can do it just once or sometimes I do it once and really need to do it again because there’s more there, more sensation that wants out. I use my hands mostly, sometimes a ‘back massager’ and sometimes a dildo. I always use a pillow because I make noises, I can’t help myself and I have roommates who don’t need to know.

    I usually do it in the bedroom in bed, but have done it in the living room, on the bathroom, at work. I can get myself off by flexing to the right fantasy and sometimes that’s so hot I have to move on from that.

    I don’t always need a fantasy, sometimes it’s just about feeling the rush, and being touched. I don’t have one of those jobs where contact with others is primary. I don’t have one of those lives either, so masturbating for me is reconnecting with myself and my femininity. I do so enjoy being a girl. Also I don’t have to say anything, I just know what to do do make it better, longer or stronger. Focus is important tho, if my mind wanders I can totally lose the feeling and that’s the real plus for me. When I’m all alone and getting off I’m so in tune with myself and what I’m doindg and nothing else matters. It’s freeing.

    I have had a few instances where a man can make me feel the way I can myself. Some of that is bad directions and some of it is bad direction takers.

    If I don’t get off with my hand I move on to toys because a vibrator always can bring it on, but I have worried about the vibrations causing a numbing effect too. ALSO the use of the vibrator is sometimes too fast and somehow less satisfying.

    Good luck with the job Steff, and thanks for the great blog.

  13. AlwaysArousedGirl

    Sending out some fluffy silky hopeful thoughts to you.

    Self-pleasure…yes please. Generally with a vibe these days. Fast and furious and often. I like to spend at least 20-30 minutes coming again and again. Takes that long to satisfy me fully.

    Best wishes to you.

  14. MrManicDepressive

    I love to watch TW (The Wife) masturbate. It turns me on, it turns her on, it’s a definite win-win situation. My previous girlfriend NEVER masturbated. She wasn’t comfortable with herself. There is definitely a difference between a woman who does and a woman who doesn’t. Women who do masturbate are much more comfortable with their bodies and are much more likely to try different positions and new techniques.

    So, let’s hear it for the ladies who masturbate! WOOT!

  15. -h.

    Agree w/ mrmanicdepressive. You can always tell the women that aren’t afraid to pleasure themselves. They’re more self-assured, and I would imagine they’re better in bed with a partner.

    As for me … I’m the cliche. I love my Rabbit, and use it only during “dry spells” of no S.O. I guess I regard it as my personal belonging that I have to share with NO ONE.

    I also have a smaller waterproof vibe, delicious to use in the shower. If you don’t have one, I order you to go out and buy one ASAP.

  16. scribe called steff

    Aroused — Yes, I seldom go just once with masturbating, but not often for more than 5-10 minites or something, depending how much time I have. It’s often a before-work thing or something, after waking up with nice images in my mind.

    Manic — Heh. There IS a difference between women who do and don’t, and I love the reaction I’ve had some lovers who’ve witnessed me in the act. I’m sold for life on masturbating for lovers. Absolutely.

    ~h — I’ve never had a waterproof one, but that’s on the list. If I get this job, I’m visitng Womyn’s Ware for a little self-love shopping spree. And maybe some silk binds for bondage. The rope I have has come apart, sort of. Sigh.

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