All About Oral: Odor, Etiquette, and Why Some Women Don’t Want It

So, I received an interesting email recently, and the reader had this to ask:

I was wondering what your opinion is on oral sex etiquette. For guys AND girls, is one obliged to kiss someone who just finished going down on you? If your partner doesn’t feel like swallowing, what should he do about his come?

Personally, I can’t wait to kiss a guy who’s just gone down on me. I’m not really sure why it is, but I like to think that a) it shows my appreciation, and b) he finds it hot. Similarly, if I go down on a guy, I also can’t wait to kiss him afterwards. I find those kisses the hottest, most intense a kiss can get. I look forwards to them every time. Besides, planting a smacker on your lover after they’ve gone down on you is the subtle way of making sure you’re tasting great. I’ve often grabbed the guy mid-oral, made him kiss me, find out the taste-test way if I’m tasting as clean as I want, and if I am, he’s shipped back south to finish the job, and my fears and insecurities are abated. Smart, crafty? Of course I am. ;)

I think it’s rude, really, not to kiss your lover after having received their oral services. I don’t know why, but I do. I’m not sure there’s a hard-and-fast rule out there, but really, if you avoid a lover who’s just been indulging in your bodily juices and such, it communicates that you’re repulsed by yourself. It’s not that sexy. Own your sexuality, own your body, and prove it with a post-oral kiss.

When it comes to swallowing, I’m not one of those “good girls swallow” proponents. I often don’t. It’s different in a relationship, I suppose, and it depends entirely on his hygiene and his personal flavours. I’ve occasionally swallowed, and the first time I ever did it, it was by accident and I was surprised it wasn’t anywhere near as bad as I thought it’d be. I’ve sometimes chosen in the past to let a guy ejaculate in my mouth, and as I’ve snaked back up his body, kissing everywhere I go, I’ve deposited bits back on him, and then we kissed and squirmed happily together. I think it doesn’t really matter too much, but guys absolutely love a girl that swallows, not only because her lips are around him as he orgasms in that happy, warm place, but because it shows she accepts him in entirety, and that’s arousing no matter what sex you are.

If you haven’t brought him to orgasm orally, then it comes down to either finishing inside you, or by manual means, in which case either a condom catches the ejaculate, or it “goes where it goes.” Again, what happens with his come in a manual situation’s pretty much up to you, him, and the moment. There’s no real etiquette involved. Want it on your belly? Great. Want to take the chance that he’s not a squirter and your walls or floor won’t catch it? Great. Do whatever strikes you as the right way to go.

________________

In keeping with this topic, I’ve been asked a few times and just never get around to answering it:

What can a guy (or gal) do to change the flavour of their ejaculate/personal juices?

It comes down to general health as well as diet. Are you prone to infections? There might be little you can do to change flavours if UTIs and/or other infections find you regularly.

But usually it’s a diet-related thing. Most sources tell you that a meat-heavy diet can result in a more bitter-tasting sperm. Rumour has it that vegetarians have the best taste out there. (For some reason, I just find vegetarians a little less sexy, though. There’s something odd about a man who doesn’t like sinking his teeth in meat, you know?) Focusing your diet on more carbohydrates, fruits, and vegetables, as well as drinking a lot of water and other pure, non-sweetened juices can do a lot to giving you a better flavour (and odour).

Smoking, coffee, and alcohol can also result in a bitter, unpleasant come.

You want to eat foods rich in anti-oxidants, high in fibre, and with lots of juice content. Pineapple juice is thought to be one of the best things you can drink in regards to improving your flavour, and is great for overall health anyhow. Drinks like blueberry juice and cranberry juice are also great in this regard. Celery is said to be a terrific food for come.

If you’re really wanting to get serious about things, you could invest in quality juicing at home. Cucumber, celery, pineapple, ginger, and so forth, all mixed together with some protein supplement can really help you develop a sweet, nutty flavour.

There are pills on the market that swear by improving the flavour of come, but what they don’t tell you is that the pills are rich in things like ginger, aromatic herbs and spices, and vegetable supplements. Sticking to a diet that’s rich in spices like ginger, low in sodium, high in natural sweeteners, will do the same trick.

________________

There are women who resist having men go down on them. These women are resistant for a number of reasons.

One, maybe they just don’t like oral. Strange, but true. Oral’s a very intense experience, as most of us know, and for some, it’s simply too intense.

Two, they’ve had bad experiences. Lovers can be idiots. We can say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, and it can turn a pleasant experience into a scarring one. It’s hard to shake the memory of someone who’s been a thoughtless lover, and it takes patience and encouragement and support to overcome a negative experience.

Three, they have a history of infections. Some women are predisposed to infections. Maybe they swim in natural bodies of water too often, maybe they have a bad habit of shaving their legs in the tub, maybe they have poor post-workout hygiene, maybe they’re just built that way. Whatever the case, a history of infections can leave a woman with a really negative sense of herself and her privates.

Four, they simply have a negative sense of their personal odours. Like most women, I’ve had times when I’ve been self-conscious about my odour. I’ve avoided intimacy with a guy based on paranoia, not reality. In the end, I’ve come to learn that I generally smell the way I’m supposed to, and I have an average, if not desirable, taste to me. The only way a woman overcomes these sensitivities is by way of supportive, open lovers who offer compliments and kindness, not crass observations. The odour a woman emits is filled with the pheromones that turn men on, but the pheromones don’t work on us. Instead, it makes us paranoid. I actually worked in a fish restaurant as a teen, and was belittled by guy friends for smelling fishy after work. For years, I’d have issues about any odours my vagina emitted, and was never able to relax when a man went down on me, not until my mid-20s.

Five, your guess is as good as mine. I recently did the piece “Twats and Knives: Together at Last” in which I discussed the new trend of women getting cosmetic surgery done on their pussies. Why would a woman do that? Who knows. It’s not always something we’ll understand.

The point is, whatever the reason, some women aren’t into letting a man perform orally. If you’re a woman and you’re really, really concerned about your odours and tastes, you might want to try douching. It’s not something you should do regularly, as it kills natural bacteria that can fight infections, but if it’s something that gets you past the fear of having a man perform on you, then maybe it’s something worth trying. Including things like pineapple, ginger, celery, and other juice-altering foods in your diet might also give you a better sense of your emissions and scents.

If you’re a guy and you know she won’t let you go down on her, then don’t force the issue. Instead, sometime when you’re fingering her, you can lick your fingers and tell her you love the way she tastes, and you wish you could try it firsthand sometime. Comment on how her natural scents get you aroused. Linger by her belly, kissing her groin and surrounding areas, and toy with her, breathe her in. Don’t be obvious and say all the positive comments all at once, just occasionally make statements, and you’ll probably slowly wear down her resistance.

Insecurities are a hard thing to overcome, and as women, we’re barraged by advertisements on television that tell us we have to worry about our smells. Once every month, we get periods and there’s always inevitably that moment where we discover it’s a little on the ripe side. It’s not a wonder that women have insecurities about their sexual juices and aromas; it’s a wonder we ever overcome it, considering all the crap we see in the media. Any woman who’s ever had a yeast infection and has seen that look on their doctor’s face as he/she describes the “cottage cheese” within her knows how awkward it can feel to be aware of this thing growing inside of her.

It’s a struggle to overcome the paranoia, but supportive lovers get us there.

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This entry was posted in Best of Steff, better sex, Communication, Dating, dysfunction, Etiquette, Foreplay & Arousing, Hygiene & Health, Men's Department, Opinion (Editorial & Commentary), Oral Sex, Psychology & Moods, relationships, Romance, Sex, Sex Education, sex tips, sexuality, Women's Department and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

10 Comments

  1. Justin
    Posted March 31, 2006 at 5:23 pm | Permalink

    As someone who doesn’t suck cock, I can’t speak directly to the taste of cum, but I’ve been told by many women that the largest determiner of overall taste is the frequency with which the guy ejaculates.

    I’m a red-meat-eating, coffee-drinking, wine chugging smoker, and the only response I’ve ever had is that mine tastes ‘sweet’. That’s apparently what a daily habit does for you.

  2. scribe called steff
    Posted March 31, 2006 at 7:02 pm | Permalink

    Great point, Justin. I’ve heard that, too. I haven’t really seen it documented that much, but I’ve certainly heard it mentioned.

    I eat red meat, drink coffee daily, used to smoke copious dope, love drinking wine, and I’ve never had any complaints. I can only speculate the volume of water I drink and my fondness for carbs are part of the reasoning.

  3. JeN
    Posted April 1, 2006 at 4:41 am | Permalink

    “I think it’s rude, really, not to kiss your lover after having received their oral services.”

    I am all for kissing after oral, but I do make the exception for the obligatory pre-kiss wipe of the mouth. I don’t want to kiss a guy who has got a face dripping in drool/pussy.

    As for those women who don’t like oral. I just say they’re crazy! ha ha ha
    Once you’ve experienced it, you’ll realize what tongues were truly intended for
    ; )

  4. Thaϊs
    Posted April 1, 2006 at 12:42 pm | Permalink

    I could give you an example of a “not crazy about oral” perspective.
    I love being enveloped by a male body, the sense of connection when your limbs entangle, your skin melts into his.
    Compared to that, receiving oral feels too physical and isolated.
    It’s good, but to me intercourse feels so much better.

  5. MTSeven
    Posted April 2, 2006 at 1:24 pm | Permalink

    I love all the scents and tastes of sex. Necking in bed and getting the scent of my lover’s pussy as the covers get shifted. Licking her to orgasm after I’ve cum in her. Kissing her, and smelling my scent on her breath after she’s taken me in her mouth. I’m sure it’s the phermone thing at work, something primal that heightens my interest in sex.

  6. Anonymous
    Posted April 5, 2006 at 12:53 am | Permalink

    i’m a guy who’s always liked giving oral sex to women, so I was surprised to learn that some women don’t like it. (call me stupid; maybe i am.)

    i think, though, that some women may not like it because it’s so INTIMATE. i heard a woman friend explain why she did not like it, and I think that is what she meant.

    maybe for some women it’s easier to be face-to-face and penis-to-pubis with a man than it is to have his face against her pubis.

    just a thought …

  7. tendernfine
    Posted April 6, 2006 at 4:57 pm | Permalink

    Violet Blue just recently did a podcast on this exact topic! Though it kinda sounds like a lot of work, she has put together her own tested recipe for sweetening your own cum!

    See: open source sex 33.

    (annoyingly, you’ll have to open that link in a new window…)

  8. The Menace Within
    Posted April 7, 2006 at 3:58 pm | Permalink

    My lover squirts when she cums.… YUMMMMMM!!! and she tastes sweet and ohhh just so good. That’s all I could think about while reading your post. BTW we keep waterproof mattress covers on our beds…so when we’re done we can change the sheets and pad and go into a deep sleep, completely inter-twined with each other.… The menace transforms to a sex god..

    LOVE YOUR BLOG!!!!

  9. evie
    Posted April 7, 2006 at 10:14 pm | Permalink

    thaiis — I agree, sometimes I’m in an emotional space that I want the closeness. As much as I like receiving oral, sometimes it feels like it creates too much distance.

    You could always try the 69 position even if its just you “receiving”. It keeps the physical touching aspect that the normal receiving position doesn’t.

  10. Bruce
    Posted April 10, 2006 at 12:56 pm | Permalink

    Just recently had the pleasure, for the first time with this delectable lady, to spend half an hour between her thighs. Mid way through and between moans, she asked if I liked the taste. “Absolutely love it. Now be quiet, I’m busy.” I replied.

    Ten minutes and one arched-back spasm later I arose from the bed and headed to the bathroom to wipe away the dripping reminans of her deluge. My previous girlfriend had detested her own taste and so I was in the habit of washing the juice away befoe continuing with the snoggage and all things coital. However, New Bird said ‚“And where do you think you’re going?” “Erm, just to wash up for you.” She immediately replied ‚“Don’t even think about it. Come here and kiss me you fool.”

    It was only at this point that I realised I had been missing out on this wonderful mutual sharing of fluids for too long and so I launched myself back onto the bed and into a slavering clinch. I’ve never supped an emission that I didn’t like and as my experience has grown so has my awareness of the differing hints of flavour available. Last night (and I hope for many to come — she’s definitely a keeper) it was nutmeg. Had to share this becuase I’m presently over the moon. Great blog — keep it up, as the bishop siad to the…etc.

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