I Hear My Monthly Train A-Comin'

Something’s snapped in me this afternoon. I awoke with a spasm in my neck from having slept wrong after my before-the-crack-of-dawn inhalations of an illicit nature, and my mood has steadily declined since.
I won’t bore you with my shit. Suffice to say my day is a heady stew of money woes, persistent battles with the flu, a turn to shit for the weather, and being overwhelmed by several things that loom ominously before me, like rent. My inability to do a single productive thing today has resulted in a blackening of my previously “just dark” mood, and now the forecast for my evening has me thinking I should’ve started this fucking thing with, “It was a dark and stormy psychic evening when our protagonist…”
And it clicks. Coupled with my stresses and the full-fucking-moon rising somewhere on the horizon is the dreaded bitch of PMS.
There is a reason, my friends, that PMS has previously been used as a “diminished responsibility” defense for murder: Sometimes, you go right fucking nuts.
And the funny thing is, most of us, we know it’s coming. Every single month you get that day or two where nothing’s going to work. Your mood’s gonna get worse and worse no matter what’s going on, and all you can do is just cope – that is, you would cope, if you actually realized it was just biology fucking with your head again.
Trouble is, it’s usually not until you’re half-way through the ever-increasing darkening that you remember: It’s that fucking time of the month again. It’s your early warning system for the red tide, and the villagers better get the fuck out of the way.
Women despise PMS. Women loathe the emotional charges that come from being victims of estrogen. We wish for days of smoother sailing, when everything would be a little less turbulent. Some days there’s just nothing a gal can do but wait to ride out the storm.
You guys think it sucks? Try riding the wave from inside the barrel sometimes, boys. You ain’t fucking woman enough to deal with half the head games brought on by that fickle bitch named Estrogen.
Personally, when moods like this fell me, I stay out of everyone’s way when I can. I keep the conversations short and sweet, I keep to myself, I keep my mouth shut, and I keep out of trouble.
‘Cos god knows I just don’t have the patience for a court trial, diminished responsibility or no. Just be happy I’ve got cheap, dull kitchen knives tonight is all I’m saying, man.
If I had any Midol kickin’ ‘round tonight, I’d grind those bad boys into powder, let ‘em swim in vodka and cranberry, and I’d call it the Red Tide Rising martini. At least then I could be a bitch in style.

11 thoughts on “I Hear My Monthly Train A-Comin'

  1. scribe called steff

    How about I let you live in exchange for, oh, say, a roast chicken dinner or something?

    Besides, by said time that tide should have subsided.

    If not, I recommend filling me up on red wine so as to compromise my aim.

    There ya go. A user’s guide. 😛

  2. mhorts

    Gee, your hair looks good today. Have you lost weight? LOL

    I did want to say that I like your new picture. Gotta love those green peepers. 🙂

  3. JeN

    Don’t forget to add in all the emotional instability.
    one week out of every month, 3 months out of every year us women go nuts.
    and I don’t even plan on having children.
    the hormone surge is so not worth it…

  4. scribe called steff

    Mhorts — LOL. Actually, I have indeed lost weight. I’m down about 5 or 10 pounds so far this month, it rocks. The hair’s the same, smart ass. 🙂 But thanks for the compliment on the eyes. I’m probably going to write something about that, actually. It was a weird experience, taking that photo, really looking at it, photoshopping it. Definitely something to write about.

    Jen — No shit. I plan to be childless as well. I’m toying with the idea of a cycle-suppressing IUD, but considering I’ve never had kids, it could be a painful experience to try and I’m a little hesitant to go there just yet.

    It’s a definite plus of being on the pill — you become more conscious of where you are in your cycle, you know better when to expect things. I can tell by a window of a day or so just by where I’m at in my pill pack what my mood’s likely to be. When I’m a total cunt like I was yesterday, I try to keep my social interaction to a minimum, but it’s really unfortunate that it needs to happen that way.

    I think guys need to know, though, just how incredibly volatile those swings are — and while it’s shitty to be at the receiving end of it, it can be absolutely overwhelming and devastating to be caught underneath it all. If you’re already depressed, already stressed out, and THAT gets thrown into the mix… my god. Sometimes it’s too much to handle. I can remember days when I was in my depression and PMS would hit — I’d be a fucking emotional mess. Thank god that’s behind me.

    It’d be interesting to see studies of how damaging the PMS can be in real terms — how many suicides does it cause? Murders? Divorce? Crime escalation? I mean, it’s a sudden emotion, I’m sure there are sudden actions taken with dire consequences, too. Depressing topic, but it’s a real one. That’s for sure.

  5. AlwaysArousedGirl

    But don’t you love the sweet relief when it starts?

    Do you get crazy-horny before yours starts? I do…horny as in, if I don’t come soon I will eat someone for lunch.

  6. scribe called steff

    Yep, I get so damned aroused for about two days. That’s on schedule from about Saturday to Monday this weekend. It’s insane, the arousal that precedes the rag. Oh, lord, is it.

    I’ve had days when I’ve masturbated 10-12 times during the pre-period arousal session. Crazy.

    And yes, finally getting the period usually results in a “Thank fucking god that’s done with — again” sensation, you’re right. 🙂

  7. Spicy Little Pi

    i honestly don’t know how some of you women deal with it every month.

    if you’re on birth control pills, just take em straight for 3-4 months, then stop and you’ll have a period.

    no need for shots or that ‘seasonale’ crap.

    Hell i get a period once a quarter and that’s enough for me.

    i’ve noticed that cutting out caffeine the week before-hand really reduces the pms…

    i, too, am a quiet one…snapping at the boss is a biigggggg no-no…..

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