Twats and Knives: Together at Last

I was sent this story recently by a reader, detailing about this new trend of women going under the knife to alter aspects of their vaginal regions. I’m sure there are valid reasons to do so from time to time, but really… what the fuck are people thinking?

Plastic surgery is something I despise. Packaging, that’s what our bodies are. I’ve spent my LIFE trying to come to terms with who and what I am. I grew up believing that my ample ass was something disgusting, and I was always under the impression I was far more than just imperfect, I was just physically wrong.

But, hey, the first thing guys seem to wanna grab is that ample ass. And now I have no intention of taking it all off, despite minimizing its spread in the recent past. Hey, real estate’s the best investment you can make, and mine seems to be going up in value.

Fact is, we’re constantly under scrutiny – from our banks, our lovers, our employers, people on the street. Hell, about the cruelest thing one can do to themselves is to buy one of those 10x magnifying mirrors, don’t you think? Why don’t you just run out and buy a lifetime subscription to therapy while you’re at it?

Me, I use a standard mirror. I just lean in real fuckin’ close, you know? Does the trick. For now. One day, the eyes are gonna go and I’m gonna need one of those big-ass look-at-me now glaring glimpses at my imperfections, but I’ll be ready for that day when it comes.

Now, one of the fundamental differences between our sexes – get ready, here’s a newsflash – is the fact that the cock is on the outside of the body, and vagina’s bits and pieces are all inside us. Everyone knows guys are hung up on their dicks. But what about chicks?

Fact is, we’re twat-conscious. Most chicks are as clueless about their twats as the guys we latch onto are. Ever taken a look at your vagina? Yeah? How’s that workin’ out for ya? Tricky, hey? If not, well, you’re probably not missing out on much, since you’re liable to feel a tad self-conscious once you rig up the mirrors to angle a look at your privates. You gotta spread ‘em for a look at it, baby, and that’s seldom ever the best way to get introduced to your kitty.

I remember seeing a posting on someone’s blog a long time ago juxtaposing an image of a woman’s mouth in a sexy pout, and another woman with her mouth wide open, readied for an invasive visit by a dentist and a drill. The author asked the question, which would you rather see? He then alluded to the overwhelming tendency in porn today to show women spread-eagled with their vaginal lips spread wide open.

As a chick, I find it unattractive. But I’m a chick, and I know guys see things differently, so I’m over it. I do, however, agree with the post’s author, and I have to wonder: These women going under the knives, are they seriously looking at these porn-based images as a measuring stick for their own attractiveness? Why?

Taking cues on genitals from porn is like expecting to look like a Vogue model after you’ve showered and made yourself up. How about a fucking reality check? How about realizing that the beauty of vaginas is the fact that each has its own characteristics?

An interesting artist in the UK has done a line of photographic collages called “Cunt Flowers,” and one of those images is what you find here on this post. The artist gets what I’m saying – pussies offer an incredible assortment of appearances, and the beauty is in the variety. We’re not cookie cutters, people, so why the hell are we trying to cookie-cut our cunts?

It’s time we stop letting the beauty industry and media inflict insecurities and doubts upon us. It’s time we stopped paying thousands of dollars to fix what we perceive to be imperfections. We would never fix the exterior of our cars and ignore the engine, would we? So why the fuck do we apply that methodology to our bodies?

Start thinking from the inside out. Touch your cunt. Believe your men when they express passion for all you have between your legs. If he wants to go down on you and enjoys tonguing and playing with you, then get the hell over yourself and let him. He’s the one who sees what you truly offer; you and your headspace probably don’t know dick. Or, twat, as the case appears to be.

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11 Comments

  1. Spicy Little Pi
    Posted March 21, 2006 at 9:40 pm | Permalink

    i love my vagina.

    just the way it is.

  2. scribe called steff
    Posted March 21, 2006 at 10:17 pm | Permalink

    And so you should.

    I think this ranks up there with anal bleaching as one of the dumbest things the average person could do.

    Hmm, my ass looks like shit. I should bleach it.” How… weird.

  3. Thawtz
    Posted March 21, 2006 at 10:22 pm | Permalink

    i swear if my wife was to even come close to letting something like this fall out of her mouth, she’d get jackrabbit slapped. i think this idea is just as stupid as the brass knuckle implants

  4. Goose and Gander
    Posted March 21, 2006 at 10:33 pm | Permalink

    Yeah, I was just going to mention the ridiculousness of anal bleaching. Good god.
    What aren’t we all willing to do to ourselves. Lord.
    Me? My pussy stays as is.

  5. scribe called steff
    Posted March 21, 2006 at 10:42 pm | Permalink

    Thawtz — Why don’t you tell us how you really feel? Heh.

    Goose — Actually, I wrote a fun rant about anal bleaching last year on my other blog. Maybe I’ll take the day off tomorrow and re-post that one. It’s fairly amusing.

    But yeah, Jesus, how dumb people get some days. Of all the things to be insecure about, an ass that looks like shit about takes the cake. For porn stars, maybe, but for everyone else? I’ve heard about the pain that comes with that procedure, and I can’t fathom sphincter-clenching acidic burning. No, thanks.

    I’d rather be a dirty girl. :) And my pussy and I get along just fine. We play nicely together, so why I’d go and cut’er up is beyond me.

  6. -h.
    Posted March 22, 2006 at 12:01 am | Permalink

    I’m with you on the ample ass part. When I learned to celebrate my ghetto booty, I really came into my own sexually. No pun intended.

    Self confident women (the comfortable in their own skin) types are HOT.

  7. Anonymous
    Posted March 22, 2006 at 12:02 am | Permalink

    I love pussy.….….plain and simple. Big, fat, thick, skinny, tight, loose, all shapes and forms. ;)

  8. Justin
    Posted March 22, 2006 at 1:30 am | Permalink

    I can’t associate flowers and pussies anymore without thinking of the sex columnist for The Mirror (one of Montreal’s free weeklies) performing at a sex & woman positive poetry event. All the poets got up on stage and talked about lilies and orchids and Georgia O’Keeffe paintings, sometimes with a harp going in the background.

    Then Sacha gets up and says:

    My pussy isn’t
    a delicate flower,
    a summery veldt,
    or an aromatic greensward.

    It’s a cunt.
    And it feels good
    To stick things in it.

    Nice touch of reality, that.

  9. scribe called steff
    Posted March 22, 2006 at 1:42 am | Permalink

    H — Absolutely. Ghetto booty. Nice. Yeah, mine’s kinda like a low-rent project these days, too, but I dig it. Heh.

    Anon — I think most guys are in that boat. Too bad the chicks going under the knife missed the stupid memo.

    Justin — ROCK ON. See, I used the photo ‘cos it illustrates my point, but I’d laugh my ass off at a guy who tried to liken it to an orchid or anything like that. I think things like ‘aromatic nest’ and ‘honeypot’ are laughably cliche and absolutely way too euphemistically inclined.

    I chose to be the CUNTing linguist for a reason: It’s a word. That’s all it is. All this fuss over four little letters, and this stupid belief that a cunt is more offensive than a vagina… Who’s smoking what?

    That poem is absolutely kick ass. I’d have ralphed at the remainder of the chicks, I’m sure, but that’d have gotten me fist-pumping the air. Thanks for a big-assed grin.

    Maybe I’ll go stick something in mine to celebrate that.

  10. Anonymous
    Posted March 22, 2006 at 11:37 am | Permalink

    Please!!!!!!!!!!!! Leave your cunt just like you got it.….….. Someone has been watching 90120 way toooo much.I guess it must be a sign of the times!!!I spend a fair amount of time convincing my wonderful wife how she is the best for me, I love everything about her, her looks,her smell,her cunt,just everything.….…. If you are one of the few that really enjoy being in love with someone,After pondering that one, It is just about as good as it gets.

  11. AlwaysArousedGirl
    Posted March 22, 2006 at 6:39 pm | Permalink

    Mine’s perfect just the way it is. I adore it. And I’ve looked at it many times, especially since I’ve had a frighteningly good digital camera.

    The blogger you remember was Figleaf…he used a lip photo of…hmmm can’t remember who…it was quite some time ago.

    Rock on, Steff.

    Kiss.

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