Hand-Jobs: Things You Need To Know, Part One

Handjobs can be one of those awkward moments for women. It seems so… odd. How hard is too hard? How soft is too soft? Where’s the sweet spot? What in the hell should be done, just tugging, rubbing? What, what, what?

Every chick’s had a moment when they’ve caused a man to wince, or even cry out, from accidentally hurting his testicles or penis. We’ve all seen that terrible moment on the playground when some kid inevitably kicks another in the sack, only to see the victim crumple to the ground and begin crying like a girl.

I’ve only ever been violent once, and it was in a 7-Eleven, when a boy started clawing at me and trying to grab my then-growing boobs. I told him to stop, he didn’t, and I kicked him in the nuts, which surely looked different with me in my Catholic school kilt and dress shoes (poor fucker). I was 12, then, and didn’t really mean to kick as hard as it looked like I did, but boy, oh, boy, did I feel badly when I saw him balled up into a fetal position on the floor, whimpering like a kid whose dog just got mowed down by an 18-wheeler in front of his eyes.

Even as little girls, we learn that the cock is oh, so very sensitive, and yet, there guys are, tugging viciously on their members, it looks like, and so we think, “Well, that’s how to do it, then.”

Naturally, we reach out, manhandle that cock (or we do the opposite), and invariably hear, “Not so hard! Gently!” (Or “Harder, more like this.”) Our synapses start firing. “What the fuck? Look at YOUR technique, buddy! What’s wrong with mine?”

Let’s see if we can clear some of that up right now. Oh, I should mention, specific moves come next time. This topic deserves some depth.

First off, guys need to be lubed up. Hand cream, baby oil, Aquaglide, whatever, but lube up. Chicks might sometimes use spit, but it dries quickly. Try tugging your finger, repeatedly, the way you would normally tug a cock. If you just rub up and down with no lube, two things happen: one, it burns, and two, it becomes raw. Not exactly the sensation you’re going for. And don’t forget, when it comes to sensitivity, there’s a world of difference between your digit and his.

Lube’s a great way to go, since you get the glide-effect going on. Personally, I find too much lube makes it hard to keep a little control over my hands. I mean, I’ve made good friends with my friendly neighbourhood penis, but really, I’m not sure I quite have the key to his house yet, if you know what I mean. Too much lube loses that little bit of control, and I’m more liable to overshoot my mark and have my hand keep slipping off his cock. Moderation.

Another great option that more chicks need to explore is that of using a condom for handjobs. If you’re wearing rings and forget to take them off, it’ll protect his crown jewels. If you have dry hands, it won’t be an issue. First off, the condom’s lubricated anyhow, but then there’s the pre-cum that also adds to his lubrication. (You can even use studded or ribbed condoms to heighten the experience further.)

The bonus, though? No need to worry about sperm shooting half-way across the room, or landing on you, or sullying the sheets, sofa, rug, or whatever. It’s tidy, it’s easy, and it takes the awkwardness out of the experience. Personally, it’s my favourite way to give a handjob. Starting to use condoms transformed how I felt about the experience (and made me realize how anal I am about having sperm shooting randomly across the room or wherever it’ll land, given my snazzy digs). Now I love giving a handjob and try to prolong his pleasure as long as I possibly can, since I know I can give a really, really intense orgasm, yet don’t have to exert myself too much, which means I can give him a handjob no matter how tired or not in the mood I may be. And, really, seeing the end result and knowing how satisfied I can make him, that’s a reward in itself, no matter what my mood was previously.

Handjobs, and some may not like the word since it seems so perfunctory, can truly be a beautiful, intimate moment between you and your guy. You’re able to keep eye contact, yet smother his body with kisses in between, as you stroke him towards nirvana. One reader even states he gets a much more powerful orgasm from a handjob than a blowjob, and perhaps it’s because more control can be had over what’s done and where, plus, you’re better able to see the reaction to all you do and gauge your actions as a result.

I wish I could have a penis, just for a day, so I could learn how everything feels. When I see what touching different parts of the penis can do to a man, it makes me curiouser and curiouser. Every time I give a handjob, it seems I learn something new about his penis. If, just as an example, I rub the base of it between my thumb and forefinger (always the flat part of your fingers, never the tip), just as if I were playing with a stone or something, rolling it back and forth, the reaction is pretty amazing… far more than I’d have expected, just seeing the standard rub-and-tug guys seem to get engaged in.

And that’s the thing women need to realize works to their advantage. Guys typically have a favourite method of masturbating, and they seldom vary it. Because of the angles we can have over them when it comes to doing the job on their behalf, we’ve got so many more approaches we can take. Because it’s foreign to us, even exploring new moves and ways of handling it will surprise and shock him, usually in positive ways — if you’re watching the pressure you’re applying. It’s in the way we vary and switch things up that we’re able to bring that pleasure to a new plateau for them. It’s a new peak, a new high, and it’s never, ever what they would do for themselves.

Next time, I’ll be writing about specific moves. What you need to know now, though, is this: Every single part of the penis and the balls are sensitive to touch, even the inner thighs, and none of them should be neglected during a handjob. It’s not about “tugging one out,” it’s about variation, changes in speed, changes in technique, watching his reaction, knowing when to pull back, when to speed up, when to move your hand down to massage his balls or trace a finger up his thigh, and no guide book or scribe will ever be able to explain that. Every time you deliver a handjob, it should (and likely will) get better and better and better, because your knowledge of your lover is escalating… if you’re paying attention to him, that is.

Handjobs shouldn’t be awkward or strange. They should be something you can do for your man when he’s had a bad day or is feeling a little out of sorts, or when he’s hot and bothered but you’re tired and have a headache. It’s five, ten, fifteen minutes of your life, and hardly difficult to do, but immeasurably rewarding to him, and a terrific tool to use in keeping your relationship healthy and happy. If it’s clean-up and lube and grip that trouble you, keeping a pack of condoms around just for handjobs makes giving them far less of a chore, and really transforms them into the go-to move for keeping your lover happy. And becoming a master? Well, he’ll probably never be sorry you’ve compromised to give him manual stimulation, and in fact may come to look forwards to it. And hey, a surprise handjob during his favourite show or when he’s just lying on the couch might be a great way to shift gears for the evening.

You can do it, grasshopper, and next time, I’ll tell you how.

[Part Two is finished, with select moves and tips. You can read it here.]

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This entry was posted in Advice, Battle of the Comments, Best of Steff, better sex, casual sex, Dating, Gay or Straight?, How To Guides, keeping it real, Kink, Life 101, Marriage & Other Commitments, Masturbation, Men's Department, relationships, Sex, sex tips, Women's Department and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Post a comment or leave a trackback: Trackback URL.

12 Comments

  1. SemperSexualis
    Posted April 21, 2006 at 8:50 am | Permalink

    Hmm. I’ve always read women tend to be too gentle with the cock and too harsh on the balls. Myself, I certainly started out with the lightest of touches and have moved up in the world. Also, excepting maybe my first lover, I have asked many of the men I’ve slept with and NONE of them use lube. Husband really dislikes it when I use lube to stroke his cock despite my insistance that he should like it better.…

  2. Knattyb
    Posted April 21, 2006 at 9:32 am | Permalink

    great post, and I love that it’s a two parter.

    The subject deserves it.

    I think that handjobs too often get brushed off as something you do in highschool and is now only a minor sex act. But everybody likes to be selfish sometimes. Besides; what could be better than sitting back and getting slowly lost into blissful oblivion?… having it done for you.

    two thoughts: to add to Odalisquek. Masterbation, personally and I’m sure more generally, is mostly preformed sans lube. Hanjobs need lube.

    Also there was some talk of handjobs being better than blowjobs. But why do we need to choose? These two go hand in hand…or mouth. obvious joke, but i took it anyway.

    Great post Steff

  3. scribe called steff
    Posted April 21, 2006 at 11:56 am | Permalink

    Odal — Yeah, balls need a really light touch, and the cock can handle more, hence why I always say to ask.

    Lube: What Knatty says. :)

    Knatty — Thanks. :) Actually, I’m stumped, but it MAY wind up a three-parter. The Second part is done and has some great techniques, but I’m trying to think of whether there’s more I can include. It seems like, well, too little, actually, even though part two has no “extra” writing — all point form on techniques. Very moves-specific, and it’s 1200 words already, so yeah, I’ll see what I can think of (or practice, heh) on the weekend, and see if I can throw any bonus moves in the mix.

    And yeah, I never took handjobs very seriously, but now I do. Without saying much, my guy wants to please me, and he does, but there’re times when I see how much his injury’s taking out of him, and sometimes I’d rather please him than see him more tired. It’s the first time I’ve ever REALLY enjoyed giving handjobs, and it’s been a great learning adventure for me that way. And that’s what it’s about, getting confident, seeing the purpose, and trying new techniques.

  4. Haaaaaaa
    Posted April 21, 2006 at 2:15 pm | Permalink

    I don’t like lube for a handjob or when i masterbate. I get more turned on by wife’s smooth dry skin and a light touch. Maybe it’s my submissive side surfacing here, but I always feel like she is in more in control when she has her hands on my penis or balls. I don’t understand the akward part of it.

  5. RoyB
    Posted April 21, 2006 at 2:34 pm | Permalink

    I don’t find a condom’s lube to be quite enough. Spit grosses me out, and I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. 2 words: Jerkins Lotion! A comdom-less penis that is very dry, with dry hands and a soft touch can be really great. But, if he (or you) starts to get sweaty, better lube up.

    People tolerate less than perfect technique when they first get together, but as time goes on, you want some refinement. This means that the guy must TALK about what he likes and possibly SHOW you. (C’mon guys. We think women masterbating is hot. Why wouldn’t they think watching us is too?)

    If the giver is not in the mood, the guy will know and you will get a phat cramp in your arm. :) A lackluster handjob is not what the guy is looking for, so it might be better to skip it.

    Nipple (nipple-ring? ;) play during the handjob is nice… Perhaps a finger wandering around the backside…

    You’re the greatest, Steff! Always insightful. (Heh. Let me know when you get bored with comments like this last one, but buttering you up is so much fun when you react to it. lol. )

  6. scribe called steff
    Posted April 21, 2006 at 2:45 pm | Permalink

    I think the condom’s gonna depend on the guy and how much he provides his own self-lube, too. A little of both couldn’t hurt.

    Jerkins Lotion? Hmm. Okie. :)

    Your comments about spit/saliva are interesting. Thanks for that! I, personally, would never lick my hand or use spit for a handjob, it’s just not my style, and I don’t find it attractive, but I wasn’t sure what the thinking out there might be.

    People are scared of expressing displeasure with a technique ‘cos the think that’ll be the end of getting anything from their partner. And SOMETIMES they’re right, because, and let me be blunt here: their partners are immature fucking babies who can’t take feedback like adults.

    And they wreck it for the rest of us who know how to talk about these things. Lame!

    And I will never tell you to stop stroking my ego. I endorse masturbation, didn’t you know? Butter me up and watch me roll, baby. ;) Compliments ROCK! But they get lame if nothing else is ever said, too, and you provide valid feedback and ego-stroking, so I’ll take that!

  7. Tashe
    Posted April 21, 2006 at 3:44 pm | Permalink

    Um, um, ummmm!

    You are so fucking good at this, girl, you have NO idea!

    I was already preparing to get sour about the fact that I’m celebrating my 5th year anniversary with my Boo and dealing with “Aunt Flo”. !P

    I’m not feeling so sour anymore…you’ve given me a GREAT idea!

    Thanks, as usual.

    My Boo will probably thank you tomorrow.

    Kisses.

  8. Anonymous
    Posted April 21, 2006 at 5:00 pm | Permalink

    Personally I’d never use a condom when giving my BF a hand job. One of the most exciting aspects of it for me is to see it spurting and cascading on my hand. Spit? No way. I use my BF’s foreskin for part of the job — huge turn on for me and pleasure for him. As long as the precum lasts that’s nice to rub in too. I also use lube but agree that you have to watch the amount or you can lose control pretty quickly and it just gets messy.

    Can’t wait to read the other parts. I think I’m pretty good at “the job” but always like to see what others have to say ;)

  9. Richard Lovel
    Posted April 24, 2006 at 4:47 pm | Permalink

    Great post. One thing I think needs to be emphasized in handjobs is do it slowly. Make it a tease. Make him work for it, and beg for release.

  10. Anonymous
    Posted April 26, 2006 at 4:15 am | Permalink

    Have you try an uncircumized guy, you will not need to use lube or a condom.

  11. Part two?
    Posted May 22, 2011 at 5:20 pm | Permalink

    Part two link is not working

  12. Posted June 23, 2012 at 10:51 am | Permalink

    I’m so scared that I won’t do it right! and I want to surprise him, I don’t want to make it obvious at all that I have lotion on my hands. How hard and soft should I do it at first? and may I just suck on the head of the penis as-well at times when I’m giving the hand job? <3

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