Remembering Ecole Polytechnique

December 6th passed by without my noting it. Dreadful.

On December 6th, 1989, Marc Lepine, a disgruntled man of 25, let his rage overtake him as he stormed through the halls of Montreal’s Eqole Polytechnique, slaughtering 14 women and injuring 13 others.

He had once applied to the school but was rejected for reasons not listed.

He entered a classroom and separated the men from the women, sent the men running, and before he opened fire on the women that remained, he screamed “I hate feminists!”

It took 45 minutes to burn itself into my brain for what will be the rest of my life.

I knew then that I could never, ever let the struggle for women’s equality fade away from my mind. What has had so high a price paid for us to have the lives, education, opportunities, and freedoms we have now, that needs to be remembered, honoured, and upheld.

So that then leaves me with two problems.

One, that I absolutely deplore, despise, and loathe girls of the generation coming up today (and I thank god there are exceptions) who persist tossing away ambition and smarts, or at the very least playing down their smarts, in an attempt to be seen as sexy, and in an attempt to get by. As Pink said, “sexy and smart don’t need to be oil and water.”

You wanna sleep your way to the top? You go, sister. But at least take your five-dollar, five-syllable vocab with you and get prepared to intellectually throw down if you must. C’mon, fucking be someone more.

And two, I want to assert right here, right now, that I can indeed be a feminist while celebrating the best parts of what masculinity is. (C’mon, there are aspects of being female I think I could do without, and there are aspects of masculinity I absolutely know I could do without, all right? I call ‘em as I see ‘em.)

I despise feminists who seek their power through the erosion of masculinity. If you need to tear someone down in order to build yourself up, I assure you – you are building on shaky ground. It’s not right. It’s not something I’m cool with. I love strong, conversant, brash, assertive men. It’s hot. It’s sexy. I don’t need some quivering metrosexual so I can feel more secure in my quest for presence in the world. You know what I’m saying?

But, hey, be what you want to be. Just don’t demand others be less of who they are so you can feel accommodated. That’s penny ante bullshit. Raise the stakes. Be all you want to be and respect them for their best attributes, too.

Sure, we could all use a little changing. Let’s just ensure it’s happening for the right reasons.

All I know is this – the sexiest kind of woman I know is one who’s secure in who she is, knows what she wants, can articulate it, and can celebrate it while celebrating those around her.

It’s a rare breed, and I wish it wasn’t.

Fourteen women died, 13 more were injured, and countless other lives were lost because someone thought chicks had it easier. This isn’t about quotas, though. It’s about hoping one day we’re all going to be able to see the best in each other and accept it, regardless of gender, of sexuality, of race, of class.

I think there’s good to be found in remembering what was lost that day, especially in proximity to Christmas, a time of joy and rebirth. I try to remember that in the smoke of that gunfire was borne a new kind of feminism. I like to think some part of me is a product of that day.

It’s the only way any of it can ever make sense.

9 thoughts on “Remembering Ecole Polytechnique

  1. myself

    Steff, one of the girls that died that day at the hands of Marc Lepine was a friend of mine (Anne-Marie Edward), so I appreciate your remembering them. She was a strong strong girl (she was only a year older than I when she died), who was really starting to come into her own (the story is long with her and I). I can see a similarity in what you and I got out of that day, because it was one of the many pivotal moments in my life when I decided that life is too short, and to be true to who I am at all times.

  2. Claire

    Good for you writing about this, Steff. I didn’t know anything like that had happened, although I would’ve been about 3 months old at the time so…

    I am in total agreement about these girls who only care about how pretty they are and practically give up on intelligence. I’m at University so must have some degree of intelligence but I don’t think myself smart, not compared (there it is, that compare word that I hate) to most of the people I have met. I also don’t think I am pretty but that is something I’m working on. It’s going to take a hell of a lot of time to get me some self-esteem, mainly because these beauty-obsessed girls drag me down.

    There is a definite culture today that being smart is not cool and it is something that I despise. I see intelligent, young people throwing their lives away to “fit it”.

  3. Mind Maelstrom

    I know there are a lot of girls here who dumb themselves down and try to look pretty because that’s what their idols do (incidentally, their idols happen to be Britney Spears or Paris Hilton, both of whom I find hideous but I’m sure that’s my bad)… but at the same time, I find a lot fewer people here are willing to judge me because I’m wearing loose-fitting jeans and no make up than back in Europe.

    At least for jobs where a certain level of competence is required, people don’t expect women to dress like whores. Back in Europe, they do. All other things roughly equal, the woman wearing the shortest skirt to the interview will get the job.

    For example, when they post ads for secretary positions, it usually says on there you have to be under 25 to apply. Your resume has to have you picture on it and if you don’t look like you have anorexia nervosa, forget it hun, you ain’t getting that job. And we’re talking secretaries here–don’t even get me started on sales girls at apparel stores or cashiers or bank tellers… I don’t know what happens to all these women when they get fat or old or both because they just disappear…

    So, yes, you’re right, this shouldn’t be happening AT ALL, but at the same time, keep in mind that to an extent it’s much better here than it is in other places (it may be just in the work place and just because people are afraid of being sued but it’s still something!).

  4. peony

    Steff
    That was beautifully written and I love and support the sentiments you have expressed.
    Thank you
    x peony

  5. Claire

    Mind Maelstrom, whereabouts in Europe is this? I’m Scottish and can’t say I have ever heard of anything like that happening.

  6. scribe called steff

    Myself– Ugh. Yeah, I knew you were from Montreal, but oy vey. Yeah, I think about that day almost every year, with or without the press. It’s the only such event that I can recall the time and day on my own, without prodding from the media. Compared to all the other massacres, this one seemed to have happened for a reason. In such cases it’s incumbent upon us to make sure that reasoning’s kept alive, so to speak. or something.

    Claire — I tackle the subject at length in my rant in the sidebar, “The Dumbing Down of the Modern Femme”.

    Mind — Hmm, stereotypes are problematic. I know it’s happening, but I’d like to think it’s not quite as widespread as you’re suggesting, but I wouldn’t know. How can America be that judgmental anyhow — it’s the fattest country in the world. I know looks-first is a huge issue in places like Brazil and Italy, they’re a given, for sure.

    Peony — Aw, thanks.

  7. Anonymous

    Steff-I don’t think that you need to worry so much about women lowering their intelectial goals. I just attended my older daughter’s graduation at UNLV. 58% women. 42% men. From what I see, this is the norm in the US for all majors other than engineering and maybe physics. The real questions is “Where are the men?”
    Kent

  8. myself

    Steff, no way you could have known, I’m an anglo and the Poly is a franco university, Montreal’s a big city. Although just the thought and a photo of either Anne-Marie or her mother (inevitable on that day on the news in Montreal) sends me into tears, I like that it’s something that’s remembered, because Marc Lepine had a reason in his head, a hatred of strong women based on issues earlier in his life (as well as being pretty much mentally ill). I hate to think that it might lead to women or girls considering dumbing themselves down. Those were 14 intellingent, vibrant engineering students, and I know for certain that my friend was attempting to show the world that she could do just about anything she set her mind to…and she wasn’t the only one of the 14 I’m sure.

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