Reader: But Will She Love My Penis?

IN EXCITING NEWS — It looks like I finally figured out my fucking archiving settings on Blogger! You can now read my archives month-by-month as listed on the sidebar. Shit, Bob, this is a real, live, functioning blog now!

So, I had the world’s longest email from a guy a while back who has reconnected with a girl he was in love with some 15 or so years ago. Sorry, reader, for both the response delay and the wisecrack about the email. ;)

He’s about to move across state lines to be with her, and he’s having massive insecurities about his size, which is 6.5 inches hard. (Which is slightly above average, statistically speaking.)

I’ve written about penis size before, and my bottom line is “get over it.” You have what you have, and that’s that, says this down-to-earth, potentially naïve girl.

(It should be noted that I recently heard that, for every 35 pounds a guy loses, he gains an inch in cock size. I’ve seen no hard evidence, pun intended, but it’s a good motivator at for the boys wanting to watch their weight.)

The problem is, this chick was married for a few years to a bad boy that she supposedly had unbelievable sex with, but little else. The divorce happened, the two reconnected, and now he’s questioning himself for the first time ever because he’s madly in love with her and wants to be the best thing she’s ever had, in every sense of the word.

Here’s just a brief snippet of his email to me.

Let me ask you something, having been with someone outside the range considered average, have you been, or will you be disappointed now with less – at least a little? Do you respect a man less sexually a bit because you experienced a larger man? I’m aware that there can be great sex with average to smaller, and there are other factors contributing to the experience, but… And size must have some impact for chicks, being that most will “check out our packages” to see what the future holds.

Whew.

Well, then. Let’s talk about my perspective on this, then, shall we? Yeah, I’ve been with smaller men. I wouldn’t be happy with a guy under 5.5, and 5.5 is only “just” enough to satisfy me. But, yeah, it’s that old cliché of “it’s not what you have but how you use it” and it’s more than that. So, let’s backtrack a bit.

My first real lover was a guy I was with off and on for seven years. I’d never had anyone else so I didn’t realize he wasn’t that big, but he was probably 5.5 inches, in hindsight. He was a great lover – though I’ve had far better since.

In the years that have passed I’ve asked myself a million and one ways why I stayed. It was an emotionally abusive relationship, I could’ve had other men and in the time that I was with him, I did (as we often broke up for spells then got back together, ‘cos we kept doing the whole “let’s be friends” thing but would fall into ex-sex patterns that just reignited the relationship, et al).

And in my older, wiser years I’ve come to realize that sex is the greatest illusion of them all. When the sex is great, we women (and even men, I’m sure) can lie to ourselves and make believe that the relationship itself is working if the sex is. God knows I fooled myself. It’s even worse when the sex is great and frequent – we had sex, literally, every single time we saw each other, and usually multiple times, as many as six times in a night. We were antisocial, stayed in, and fucked. When you do that, it’s pretty easy to ignore everything else that’s wrong.

But some of us grow the fuck up. We learn that, yeah, something seems to be missing. Sometimes we even get wary of ever having a relationship where sex is so prevalent again.

In the years since, yes, I fell for a “smaller” guy, and fell reasonably hard, too, but he offered so much in all the other areas that I felt it was a no-brainer. And he wanted to please me and did everything he could to do so. Would it have been better if he had a larger cock? Well, of course! Would I have been over the moon to have that in addition to everything else he offered? Well, of course! But he couldn’t offer that. And while it might have been a thought I had from time to time, it wasn’t an issue. I cared about him, I trusted him, and I, in turn, did everything I could to please him.

Yeah, you’re insecure, there, fella. And I bet that the fact that you’re about to make a big move is no small part of it. I think you’re subconsciously redirecting fears and anxieties about that big change – and why not? That’s a huge commitment! You’re not just putting your money where your mouth is, you’re leaving everything you know for this woman. Damned right there’ll be anxieties someplace.

You know what the ray of sunshine is? It’s obvious you’re in love. You wanna be everything for this woman. Know what? You’re probably going to fall short of your goal, but that’s okay. You’ll probably still be the guy she dreamed about for 15 years through all those crappy times with that lousy guy who only offered one thing – being good in bed. You, though, bring a package. She can trust you, enjoy time with you, know that you’re that uber-combination of a friend and a fuck buddy, all mixed in with the reliability of a life partner. Score!

Yeah, you need to get over it. So do most guys. There are things you can’t change (or maybe you can – with great pain and anguish and lots of money) but there are other things you can. Ask her what she wants. Get creative about it. Buy her a nice journal book and ask her to transcribe her wildest fantasies for your eyes only, and set about making them happen.

What you PERCEIVE that you don’t have in size – even though you’re slightly above average – you can make up for in passion, in love, in understanding, in communication, in what you do “the morning after”, and what you do in times of difficulty.

Because, I’ll tell ya, it never lasted with me and the guy who was the largest, technically “best” lover I’ve ever had, and it never could have lasted because of who he was. The relationships’ demise I most regret tend to be the ones with whom the emotional connection was the strongest, never mind what happened between the sheets. But what happened between the sheets, because it was with them, was, in its own way, truly special and unforgettable. And, YEAH, that sounds incredibly cheesy, I know!

It’s obvious that some people are far better company than others will ever be for you, and it’s why we tend to pair-bond with them. Some, though, fit our bodies like a glove, and we might wish like all hell that they’d be perfect in other ways, but that usually doesn’t tend to happen. For most of us, we can’t settle for that. But if it’s the other way around? Yeah, that’s something most of us will settle for.

Sounds to me like you’re half way towards that, if you can forget about yourself and focus on the moments you’ve been fortunate enough to have been given.

And I bet 90% of women would agree with me (but don’t just sit there, girls, comment or something!). A lover who’s obviously trying to please us, who listens to what we want, knows how to melt us with a kiss, is kind and loving and doting towards us, but lacks an inch or two of Ideal Cock? It’s almost a no-brainer.

Besides, that’s why you have a tongue and fingers. Use them. Feel the Force, Luke.

One last, flippant comment? This paranoid insecurity guys feel about their cocks is right up there with that bullshit you hate to hear from us — “Does this dress make me look fat?” (My all-time favourite response, from Sealab 2021, I think, was “No, but your ass does.”) You guys think we need to get over whether we look fat? Yeah, well, get over your cock issues and then maybe we can talk about that. ;)

(As for the photo, shit, man, I couldn’t resist! Beats the heck out of “make love, not war”, even if I agree with that motto.)