You Asked? A Guy Denying Himself Before a Date

Yesterday’s tip, in which I suggest women should masturbate themselves to the brink of orgasm and then stop, just before a date, in order to leave themselves in a heightened state of arousal for an evening that they know should culminate in sex, provoked an interesting comment from Figleaf.

I’m dubious that the tip would work for men, as I suspect too many guys would have, as Fig called it, a hair trigger after the fact, resulting in underwhelming sex due to premature ejaculation. But I know some men have great staying power, and it might just work for them. Figleaf’s comment on the matter spoke of just that, but then he went on to ask how I would feel if a guy informed me of it. But, here, read Fig’s comment, and then I’ll tackle his question:

Masturbating to the edge and then stopping before a date sounds like a great tip, Steff. Mentioning it to your date is *definitely* a great tip. (It’s way more direct that “I’m not wearing panties,” which shows up in so many how-to lists its approaching cliche status.)

As for whether it would work for men too I started out thinking it wouldn’t be such a good idea since it might put you on a hair trigger when you finally started having sex. I used to really worry about premature ejaculation so, perhaps ironically, since I also recover quickly I’d usually take the edge off by masturbating to orgasm before going out.)

Now, though, I think I was probably missing a wonderful opportunity to seethe all night the way you like to. It couldn’t possibly hurt to try it.

Ok, and one last question from a shy-er than I sound man: would a partner letting you know he’d done that work for you as well as you telling him does?

I think that’d depend on the relationship. ‘cos, I’ve got to admit, I’m shyer than I sound, too. I think, if it was at the beginning of a relationship and we’d only been together a couple times, it might put me on my guard.

That being said, if it was a little further into a relationship and I knew I trusted the guy and he’d seen me behaving badly — y’know, answering the door naked but for a men’s dress shirt, having administered bondage, that kind of stuff — I might even go so far as to demand him to do that before getting together with me at some fairly inocuous evening with friends or something, where we’d have to behave publically before going home for a sin session.

I think that the best way for a guy to bring that up with me would be to ask if I’d be all right with him trying it with me next time we were going out or something. I have a lot of conversations about sex and behaviour when I’m with a partner, so I’m sure any guy I was with would feel comfortable bringing it up in a post-coital chat or something. If he did, well, I’d greenlight it the whole way. I’m the sort of chick who likes to count on sex happening in advance because I love the thrill of anticipation finally meeting the happening. It’s like Christmas all over again. Knowing there would be a new thing in the mix, him denying himself that edge, might make me a little hotter and more bothered before the fact — particularly if I get in on the who self-denial act.

Lord knows I’ve prebooked pre-dinner quickies in the past. Not much of a stretch to do the deny-wait-deliver plan, either. For some reason, I’ve never talked about the denying-self plan with a lover before. Maybe it’s time to do so for the next loverman that comes my way.

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