I Give GREAT Face!

Not too long ago, I rearranged my bedroom. For the first time in the seven years that I’ve lived here, the layout really, really works. I’d been hesitant to move my 7.5’ long self-designed writing desk from the window, as I always enjoyed looking out at the world when writing. Finally I realized it wouldn’t ever allow for a good bedroom layout, because it meant my bed had to be positioned in the centre of the room, taking up too much space.

So, much to my chagrin, I moved the desk against my south wall, a chocolate-brown accent wall. I moved my beautiful antique window-frame/mirror over top the desk, and figured it was just an aesthetically superior choice and nothing more.

The strange thing is, though, that now whenever I’m stuck, I either stare into the chocolateyness of the wall or I tend to stare into my eyes in the mirror.

I was sitting there just now, staring, and thought that if there’s one thing I dislike about my eyes, it’s my short little eyebrows.

I then remembered that there’s some alternative theory that you can tell about a person by their facial features. So, I looked it up. According to Chinese face-reading theory, my short eyebrows tell you I have few siblings (1) and that my life would enter a period of extended personal and professional grief from the ages of 31 to 34. I’m 33 now. I’d say that’s pretty dang bang-on. The fact that they’re straight eyebrows apparently reveals that I am a person with incredibly strong convictions, and a tendency to argue fiercely for them. No, you think?

That they’re low-arching/straight tells you that, one, I’m impulsive, and two, that I have both an aesthetic and sensitive temperament.

Other eye-reading beliefs say that because my eyes are exactly one eye-length apart, it means that I have a clear and fair perception of the world, and balanced judgment. Hmm!

If the extension of the eyebrow is the indicator, then I have deep-set eyes. Apparently this is common with many writers, and also often means the person is “romantic to the core”. My relatively square-ish chin apparently dictates that I’ll be a more pragmatic romantic than a fluffy, skittish one. This is kind of creepy it’s so accurate. I mean I would NEVER scatter rose petals on the bed! There is no so-called “romantic” bit of décor I think is more idiotic than scattered rose petals. Christ, a flower had to die for that. A dozen of ‘em! And I don’t want them stuck in the crack of my ass. Really. Who wants to stop to pick that out, eh? “Pardon me while I… Okay, carry on.”

My shade of green in my eyes apparently conveys that I’m a very inventive and enthusiastic person. Hmm. Somewhat.

My full lips tell you I’m caring and sensitive, and I have rather luxurious tastes in life. That my upper and lower lips are relatively the same in thickness indicates that I have a well-meaning, communicative personality. My cut of jaw belies my stubborness and my pragmatism.

My cheeks state I am “a forceful individual who is combative by nature. [I am] reactive to the circumstances and people around [me] and am learning the lessons of graciously living and letting live.” Okay, I’m learning the lessons, I don’t actually know ‘em yet, all right? Work In Progress should be my middle name.

My nose, now, it tells you I’m cordial, I’m empathetic with others, and I set high standards for myself and I’m both well-mannered and warm. Hmm!

My very thick hair apparently speaks to my physical prowess (heh heh) and my natural resilience. Ooh!

Who knew it was all in your face? Gotta love the internet. Remember back in the day, if you wanted to know something, you either had to go to the library, or look it up in your encyclopedia. (I still have my complete 1986 set of Funk & Wagnalls.)

Now I’ll stop fretting about my short eyebrows. :)

(Here’s where I found the neatest stuff.)

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