I’m thinking a lot about time today. The right time, the wrong time, the in-between time, never enough time.
I’m about to head down to this little stretch of beach that only the true locals to Vancouver know about. One of the last bits of truly natural foreshore. It’s one of those places I retreat to at the best and worst times of life. Everything seems a little disconnected there.
I’m in an in-between time, but I’m at the curtains-almost-up stage of the right time. Things are on the verge.
But it’s gotten me thinking. See, I’m just a two-bit pop-philosopher. I watch my old DVDs with my lazy Sunday breakfasts and think there’s something divine to be found on the silly discs. You want to know the sad-ass truth of what I’m watching right now? Dirty Dancing. I know, I know. But I’m getting all philosophical because it’s just gotten to that point where Jennifer Grey blurts out, “But most of all, I’m scared of walking out that door and never again feeling in my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you.”
So Patrick Swayze takes a deep breath and, in that I-actually-paid-for-acting-classes kind of way, emotes that he knows this is the wrong time with the right woman for the right reasons in the wrong setting. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t, he figures, and then decides to err on the side of the booty call. Ah, love.
But this is the story of my life. I have this wicked above-average likelihood of meeting the right guy at the wrong time. Hell, I’m the Queen of the Shady Timing. I’ve had so many relationships start that coulda been something phenomenal if only they’d happened when the timing was better. One of the two of us always falls into this rut of challenges in life, etc. It’s eerily common. The trouble is, I’ve allowed it to happen. I could have set the example and proved that it was a time worth overcoming. I doubt I ever managed to demonstrate that.
The older I get, though, the more I realize that seas tend to always have a little choppiness to the water. Glass-like surfaces of calm and stillness are truly few and far between. Life’s the same way. The great bits of peace and contented calm come intermittently. We want to believe that’s not the case, that all this struggle we’re going through is someday going to subside and things will get simpler, but we’re all living under delusions. It’s not about ending the struggle, it’s about learning to dance in time with the struggle, and seeing it for what it is… just another challenge to overcome, and a memory in the making.
Yet most of us still want to believe that there’s this magical time for when it’s right to get into a relationship. When it’s the right time to take that chance. I know I’ve been that way. I’m realizing, though, that change requires only one catalyst. Change one thing and you could domino your way to a whole new life.
Matters of the heart are scary. They tell us that the devil we know is better than the devil we don’t, but that’s supposing that all we’re being dealt is devils. Maybe, somewhere in that cosmic mix, we get dealt the card of bliss. Maybe we get dealt a chance that shouldn’t be missed.
If there’s anything I’ve come to love in this life, it’s the power of a maybe. Could be. Might be. So close to a “will be”. One little twist of fate, and who knows. But without a chance being taken, all that’s left will be “might’ve been”s.