Reader Asks: Why Won't She Let Me Go Down on Her?

Ah, oral sex. Nothing like a mouthful, huh?

I’ve had a guy email me a couple of times about his partner’s ambivalence and distaste towards receiving oral sex. He loves to perform it, she hates to receive it. They’ve been married a while, and it seems she can’t get past her hang-ups, whatever they may be, and he’s feeling quite deprived as a result.

Part of the problem, he thinks, is that she dislikes tasting herself on him when they kiss post-delivery.

Let’s backtrack a minute. In a moment of complete hypocrisy after my last posting, I decided to post a personal ad in an “intimate encounters” section online, figuring it couldn’t hurt if I was to perhaps find a nice ongoing sexual exchange with someone who’s on the same get-some/stay-independent page as I am.

As a result, I’m all of a sudden being deluged by men who profess to love giving oral. They’re all apparently geniuses at it, too. Sigh. Of course they are. I found myself in a conversation regarding the love-of-delivery, and I asked the rhetorical question of, “Why does almost every guy profess to love delivering oral?”

I began wondering if maybe, just maybe, men love it because it means not having to worry about whether their cocks are going to behave the right way for the right length of time. After all, there’s an awful lot of pressure on men to perform at a certain level every single time they let their hound out of the gate, so to speak. (Of course there’s the up-close visuals as she gets further and further aroused, and men do love their eye-candy of all sorts.)

I’m sure it’s not that simple, though, but I certainly have to wonder if the pressure thing is a factor. Any guys want to chime in on that one?

I do digress. We’re talking about this guy and his woman. I’ve written about oral in the past, here, and probably in dozens of other spots that I’m too lazy to seek out. I think probably every woman’s a little self-conscious about whether she’s tasting the right way for her man of the moment. I could certainly understand why a woman might despise tasting herself on her guy after delivery, too. Personally, I don’t have that hang-up. I certainly have had it, though.

I remember being rather self-conscious about it a couple years back and the guy I was seeing at the time simply decided to go down on me, came back up, kissed me, and said, “So, how do you taste?” I was taken by surprise, but it was one hell of a kiss, and suddenly I just wasn’t concerned anymore. Salty, but sweet. Nifty.

But that hasn’t worked for this guy. The only thing I can really suggest is, keep mouthwash by the bed and a bowl to spit it into. If she can’t handle her tastes on you, then maybe a little minty goodness will go a long way to circumventing that issue.

Guys need to appreciate, though, that there are a lot of times women will have different infections or odor issues that can really impact how they feel about what juices they might be secreting. Unlike men, who pretty much only secrete upon orgasm, we start pumping fluids out as soon as we’re aroused.

Couple that with the reality that there are marketing machines at work in every media imaginable, trying to force us to feel shame or embarrassment over scents that are actually biologically built to attract men, and it’s not surprising women can have hang-ups about a guy nuzzling his face into our twats.

What’s the secret? How do you get past that? Beats the shit out of me. This isn’t a t-shirt, there is no one-size-fits-all solution that’ll enable you to push a magic button and nix all her anxieties.

This is also about trust issues. She, for whatever reason, doesn’t trust you’re telling the truth when you say you can’t get enough of that salty scent and taste of hers. A lot of women aren’t into swallowing cum, either, and for that reason they can’t fathom why you’re wanting to gobble their juices up instead of being repulsed by it.

All you can do is try and get her perspective on it. When she’s saying she doesn’t like it, you ask why. There’s a fine line between pushing and really wanting to know, and good luck to you in trying to toe that line.

Finally, how do you know she hasn’t got some oral sex nightmare story in her closet? I’ve known a couple of guys who’ve told me how they responded with utter disgust upon getting their first real whiff of a woman’s vagina, and they’ve told me how they high-tailed it outta there (and felt riddled with remorse later, but wouldn’t have changed a thing on their reaction, oddly). I even had one guy friend tell me about how he tried going down on his girlfriend and vomited between her legs shortly after he began to tongue her. Turned out it was food poisoning, but it was the end of that relationship. So, who knows their history?

All you can do is keep on trying. Always ask them “what can I do to make it a more comfortable experience for you?” But sometimes there’s just going to be no solution that’ll make you happy. Some of those hang-ups are legion, man. It’s a rough thing to overcome for some women. All I can say is, good luck with that. Keep trying. It ain’t an easy problem to solve, and I’m at a loss for suggestions. Anyone have anything they’d like to suggest?

(Drinking tropical fruit juices, like papaya and pineapple, is great for changing the flavour of ejaculate, and might give just the right twist to her juices so that a post-delivery kiss may change the reaction she has. You can certainly try that, too.”

8 thoughts on “Reader Asks: Why Won't She Let Me Go Down on Her?

  1. Anonymous

    It is great to watch a woman get off, but it’s more than visual! It’s nice to be able to fine-tune things to make her really like it, and you bet it’s nice to be able to count on the results. It’s not that I love giving oral sex, it’s that I love what happens when I do–is that different? I guess the guys answering your ad erred on the side of brevity!

  2. ...a little of this and that.......

    Hmmm, I think I’m gonna have to try the whole fruit juice thing……

  3. Sal Laughter

    Why do we love to give oral?

    Me, I love the the whole experience: The scent, the taste, the feel of her lips and hair all slippery and puffy, the look of her cunt as it gets all juicy and hot, the look on her face as she gets off, the feel of her nails digging into my scalp, and of course the sounds she makes as I give her what she needs.

    Did I mention the scent. Good god, is there anything more arousing than the scent of fresh hot yummy cunt?

    thanks for asking!
    ~Sal

  4. Oz

    Hmm….

    I’m not even sure how to start. Do I like giving oral sex? Well, hell yeah! Why? Well I guess that’s the question I’m asking myself now. I’ve never asked, “Why?” before. I know I enjoy it. There’s nothing about it that I don’t like. I love her texture. I love how her scent changes as she’s really getting aroused. The moistness is very nice. All the delicate crevices to explore, for as long as she’ll let me, definitely add to the excitement. Ok, I have to stop now…………….

    I think the scent of a woman varies. I know every woman I’ve been with has had a very different scent. Some enticing, and some not so much, but I’ve never been appalled by any of them. Everyone is different. Diet and so many other factors attribute to it that there’s no telling or really controlling how someone tastes or smells.

    It’s funny because my girlfriend has the exact opposite reaction. She is turned on when she can taste herself on me. She say’s that it’s sexy to be able to smell, and taste herself on me. Why? I have no idea. Maybe it’s the total acceptance of her. I like it too – smelling her on me. It’s especially distracting when you have a morning or afternoon romp before work with no time to shower. I end up going to work smelling her on me, and being horny the entire day because if it. It’s almost like a self imposed sort of torture. You’re going around all day with the scent of her on you while watching the minutes slowly tick by. When will work be over so I can get back in her arms, and be engulfed in her once again.

    I think it’s time for a cold shower. You’ve hit on one of my favorite topics, so I couldn’t help but respond.

    oh yeah,

    Hi Steff

  5. JK

    Like Steff mentioned, it could be that she’s had some uncomfortable situations with oral sex in the past and lingering trust issues. My boyfriend and I met when we were in high school and both very inexperienced, so everything sexual was still an adventure and nerve-wracking. I can remember being so, so nervous the first time he went down on me, with all of the typical hang ups — will I taste/smell ok?, Does everything look right?, etc. Turns out that he wasn’t that much of a fan despite my efforts to make sure I was “prepared” for everything — after pressing him on what the issue was, he said that he didn’t really like the taste. Understandable? Yes. I’m not always thrilled when I go down on him. However, I have never felt completely comfortable with him going down on me after that…even five years later and his reassurance that his point of view has changed. I think with some patience that the reader and his wife will eventually reach a point where they are both happy. Hopefully at least…I’m slowly getting there.

  6. Anonymous

    As a woman, I generally enjoy receiving oral sex, but sometimes it does make me a little uncomfortable. I’m not too sure why, since I’m very comfortable with my body and with sex, etc. One thing that I’ve noticed is that sometimes I feel very exposed because unlike most other activities in sex, there isn’t actually that much skin to skin contact when somebody is going down on you. I don’t usually mind being exposed, but in that case I do. I wonder if a blanket would help! 🙂 Sometimes, I feel like it’s also pressure-inducing for a woman. It’s all about her and I think there’s some performance pressure there – enjoy this!

  7. Markbnj

    The OLD “fart” sayeth:
    some cavaets:
    a) remember I’ve been married/living with my dear-heart/lover/wife/sweetheart for 30 years now.
    b) damn this OLD age thing. the two of us used to be like Fu@#%$@%#@ rabbits 2/3/X times a day. Now?? once in a while is good!
    c) I’m dammned happy I married my best friend. If the relationship was ALL sex, it’d be divorce court long ago…

    OK.

    1 have always LOVED eating pussy. Not only hers (before her..I’ve NEVER Ever fooled around.) but at any rate,
    it is absolutely a mind-issue that the woman sometimes feels she can’t control/lose control.

    You said, “I’m sure it’s not that simple, though, but I certainly have to wonder if the pressure thing is a factor. Any guys want to chime in on that one?”

    Yes, the biggest complaint my dearie has when I go down, is that my BiG assed nose gets right in the way. Well I move, and all is ok.
    But sometimes she feels that my “working” despite all I tell her saying I love it, still gets her nervous..

    ‘nouf said

    TTFN
    markbnj

  8. Helen

    I’m not a big fan of oral, but it’s not about smell/taste, that’s not always the issue – have you talked about it?

    Like anonymous said, it makes me feel exposed. And it’s not a body insecurity, I love showing off my body, it’s about the distance between me and him, I get detached from the moment.

    I rarely orgasm during sex, it’s something I’m working on, and being watched distracts me. It’s not like sex, where you are both getting turned on, it’s all about me.

    Like anonymous said, it’s partly performance anxiety. I feel like there’s this big expectation that as soon as his tongue touches my clit, I’m supposed to get-off there and then.

    And to be honest, it doesn’t even feel that amazing to me. Which is why I get distracted by thoughts of how I should be feeling or responding. It’s kinda nice, but not like I’m going to come. I feel more response to being fingered, there’s just more stimulation there. And a vibrator is the real way to a guaranteed orgasm.

    But ultimately, I don’t like him being stuck down there, hardly touching. I cool off on my own. I want someone to rub up against, push against, to feel with my whole body, to feel him getting turned on. That is so much more sexy, oral on me feels like a waste of time.

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