The Double-Double: Gay Marriage and Birth Control Madness

One of my all-time favourite funny songs is Stuart by the Dead Milkmen, an old post-punk classic. The lead singer has an insane monologue he rants, and that’s the whole song. I’ll be cycling and it’ll come on, and I’ll be ranting along with him, laughing at different parts. The song just never gets old for me.

Anyone without a sense of humour might think it’s anti-gay, but what it really is, is anti-stupid-fucking-redneck, and it’s satire. Here’s the end of the song’s rant:

A few days after that, I open up the mail. And there’s a pamphlet in there. From Pueblo, Colorado, and it’s addressed to Bill, Jr. And it’s entitled, “Do you know what the queers are doing to our soil?”Now, Stuart, if you look at the soil around any large US city, there’s a big undeground homosexual population. Des Moines, Iowa, for an example. Look at the soil around Des Moines, Stuart. You can’t build on it; you can’t grow anything in it. The government says it’s due to poor farming. But I know what’s really going on, Stuart. I know it’s the queers. They’re in it with the aliens. They’re building landing strips for gay Martians, I swear to God!

I like you, Stuart. You’re not like the other people here, in this trailer park.

The whole point of the song, I guess, if you could consider it to have one is, stupid people believe stupid things. Like, gays are mutants and horrible people in the eyes of god. That’s stupid.

I know, I know, I’m supposed to respect other people’s beliefs. Really? When they’re STUPID? Am I? Yeah, right. Get back to me when you have a better idea, eh?

Today’s a big day for the gay boys and girls of America. The California Supreme Court cleared the way for gay marriage in that state by declaring the ban against it to be unconstitutional.

Watch out, there’s gonna be landing strips everywhere for aliens, and be careful what you’re growing in that soil.

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I’m potentially getting back into the dating game shortly. Might have a coffee date lined up over the next few days. Whatever the uncertain status in those realms, it has me considering birth control in my future, and the questions that arise are not fun ones to tackle.

Having come so far in my life of late– like my now-34 pounds lost and the fact that I’m officially at my college weight for the first time in 15 years, and all the other accomplishments going on in my life– the notion of fucking with my estrogen makes me highly wary.

I went completely nuts in ’06, largely caused by estrogen chaos and birth control pills, then exacerbated as life itself spun out of control. Would I have been better in control had I not been on the pill? I really don’t know for sure, but a large part of me says YEAH, NO DOUBT. Do I have clinical proof? No. I’ll never do period suppression by way of pills again, though. Should I take it at all, though?

The pill’s important, even if one’s using condoms. No birth control is 100%, that’s why we smart folk double-up. I don’t know, I’m thinking about it. I never raised the issue with my doctor today, but I’ll see him when it’s time to act on things.

In the meantime, here’s a great clip from SNL about a once-a-year period-suppression birth control regimen. I found more than just a little truth behind the “fiction”.