Christmas in July! Steff Gets a Big Box of Sex Toys!

Is there anything more fun than walking out a postal outlet knowing that, under your arms, is a big-ass box of sex toys, and no one there has a clue?

My local postal outlet’s in a 7-11. So there I am, walking out with a box of orgasms under my arm, and everyone else has got a Slurpee. Hardy-fucking-har. Enjoy yourselves. Clearly different notions of wetting one’s whistle.

The box, of course, was just your basic brown cardboard box. Within, however, were six sex toys and a nice big bottle of Liquid Sex lube. Yep, prepared for all eventualities now. A very exciting experience, receiving more than one GOOD toy at once.

The folks at Vibe Reviews asked me if I’d be willing to play around and write some reviews for them. No real rules, I can say what I want, yet I get the toys for free, and that’s that.

Which is good, because when I’m broke off my ass and barely getting by on what I’ve got now, the last thing I can afford to splurge on, sadly, are orgasms. Besides, I’m rather adept at, urm, “knocking one out” the ol’ manual way.

So, free sex toys? Score! Yeah, sure, I can do dat.

What, pray tell, have my newest Santie Clauses sent me? Ooh, goodie! Well, let me give ya the rundown:

This is the Gigi, and I can’t wait to tell ya about it. No, really. This is the sex toy for the modern art fan, the lover of the iPod, and anyone who wants a little something “special” to turn to… rechargable lithium-ion battery inside, LED touch-pad… I giggle for the Gigi! It’s pictured here, but mine is purple, which makes me happy.

The Stranger II is waterproof, and was the first vibe I picked out in the bunch. Love that.

This is Vibe Review’s own Silver Bullet.

Based on the popular “Rabbit” type toys, the lamely-named Lovely Rose is a much more affordable toy for folks who actually know there’s a recession goin’ on.

The Stubby G aka G-Swirl is another Fun Factory product and is geared for those who want to play with their g-spots. Which means, like, every woman, doesn’t it?

I challenge your Hitachi Wand to a duel with my Miracle Massager! Except I also have the handy attachment for penetration, too.

Last, but not least, is The Sunflower which is designed by a woman for a woman, claims its makers, Doc Johnson. We’ll have a lookie-see at that, too, down the line.

Like I say, I’ll give you the lowdown on ’em all, including negatives. I’ll start posting reviews at least weekly. So much work, so much! But I promise to put them through their paces, and you’ll be hearing from me soon. Methinks my Gigi should be charged right about now. Giggle! I can’t wait.

Nighty-night, minions.