A Little Reflection in the Morning

A year ago this week, I was hanging on with the grimmest, thinnest of threads, as I completed the last week on a job I probably never should have accepted.

I worked in close quarters with one of the most negative, depressing people I’ve ever known, for six long months. By the end of it, I’d gained 20 pounds and found myself being a constant complainer, just like that toxic person I was working with. I hated who I had become.

My old employers offered me my old job back, which was nice of them since I’d been a bit of a flake in the two years preceding, but I guess I’m more charming than I know.

I promised myself, upon returning to my old job, that I’d take it with the intention of improving every area of my life.*

I’ve done that. Yesterday I was a bit down, thinking how much I’ve blown the last couple of months, fit-wise, and how much more I could have accomplished. This morning I’d been trying to tell myself that, sure, I could have accomplished more, but what I have accomplished is pretty darned good.

But remembering this week last year, that really put a grin on my face. The closer I got to my last day on the job, the more and more I realized how much I was doing the right thing. I just up and realized how much I hated being around that toxicity, and how much I loathed feeling like my life was owned by work. My entire life had become devoured by my job.

In fact, that was true even to the point that they had found out about my blog, and not once but twice said, “Well, we know you blog about sex. This isn’t good. We’re not sure what we think yet. Don’t ever write about work. And be careful what you write about.”

The first time they said something, I thought, “Well, I need the job… I’ll see what happens.” But the second time they said something, I thought, “Gee, I wonder if the old job still wants me back.” Within 10 days I gave my notice.

There’s something hugely empowering about opting to leave a situation that’s hurting you, and immediately getting into a situation that helps you, regardless of what that situation may be.

So it’s a year later. I’m still broke, but I got a token raise on Tuesday, which is great considering I’ve been only an average employee for about three months now as life has been pretty stressful off hours and all, but hey. Finances are sorting out, I’m back on page fit-wise, and I’ve completely eliminated all the toxic people from my life. This is good.

It’s nice to sit back now and then and realize just how far you’ve come in a year. Change, day-to-day, feels slow and tedious. Baby steps don’t seem like much until you get to the end of the block and turn around for some perspective, right?

It’s been a good year. And, again, I feel the winds of change stirring. Dating’s getting interesting, money’s sorting out, a bit of freedom’s coming my way. And I’m actually happy to be turning 35 in 12 days. I’ll finally be out of the 18-34 demographic. It was so much pressure being so coveted by the marketers. ;)

Gonna be busy the next couple days. New stuff’ll be up on the weekend. Check back.

*My job offers only security. No promise of advancement, no possibility of big money, no changing of responsibilities, ever. But when I walk out that door, work stays at work. I go there when I feel like it, have flexibility not only in when I work but how much I work, and can completely make work fit my life. They don’t even ask for overtime, except for leading up to Christmas, and it’s paid overtime, so how good is that? I’m incredibly fortunate. It’s like being self-employed but without all the worry. When I quit there two years ago after five years of the same-old, my friend said “Well, I can see why you’d quit… but I can’t see why you’d quit.” It’s one of those jobs. You could change… but why would you? Fortunately, I came to my senses.