The Most Annoying Conversation

I had a chance to go to a huge party Saturday night, but I decided I wasn’t very much on my social game, and that a simple one-on-one conversation would be better suited for the day I should have after a long week, so I made plans for a drink with someone instead.
Well, so much for being on my social game.
It was my first time meeting this guy. I figured, smart conversation and some drinks, a nice mellow time, right?
And maybe that’s how it would’ve felt if I could have gotten a word in edgewise. But I didn’t. So, no, not so nice, not so mellow.
While I’m often excessively articulate and pretty quick-thinking about it, I go through phases where I’m thinking more than speaking, and when I do talk, I’m a bit more measured and slow about it. I often like to do crazy things, like think before I speak, so I’ve been known to take something like 5-10 seconds to formulate my comment.
But apparently hesitation kills and no one should be allowed such time before speaking, if my night was any measure of that. My drinks-date interrupted me every single time I spoke. Not once could I naturally finish my thought. Every. Single. Time. I even got pissed off now and then at him interrupting, and CONTINUED speaking, despite him not stopping his interruption. Still, didn’t take the hint. I even said, “You talk too much” and made a couple comments that way, and, nope, didn’t slow him down a stitch.
And then the other thing was, any thing I did manage to say, he either turned it into a statement about him and his life, or else he just flat-out said he didn’t like my opinion. (I said, “I want to go to New York soon” and he goes, “I hate New York, it’s all concrete.” Well, I’m not fucking visiting there for a park, now, am I, when I live in a rainforest surrounded by ocean, mountains, and amazing land? Like New York’s competing with THAT? I’m going for a concrete jungle and “the city that never sleeps”. Fuck. Stop making me justifty myself.)
I gradually just stopped giving a shit and phoned the conversation in. Why fucking bother? Like anything I said mattered anyhow? Every time I spoke, I was interrupted, or informed that my opinion wasn’t at all correct. Way to make a companion feel like they matter and have something to contribute, huh?
I wanted to bitch-slap myself yesterday when I realized I was doing the story-trumping thing myself. You know, say someone goes, “I just climbed a mountain!” and you go, “Wow. Which one? Oh, I’ve climbed that seven times. It’s pretty shitty. Next time you should–” and it’s all right when we do that once or twice, it happens, right? But I think I did it a few times yesterday and I thought, “Wow, you arrogant cunt. Shut up.” So I shut up and listened then on.
This guy needs that inner voice to do a little shouting, methinks.
The irony of all this is, I recognize I’ve become too internal and too into myself of late, so I’ve been working to try and make myself a better listener and a more measured and gracious speaker. I was never, ever as bad as this fellow is, but it certainly serves as a reminder of why I’m trying to take myself to a new level as far as the give-and-take of conversation goes.
If people tell you that you talk too much, you probably do. Maybe you should listen.
If you like interrupting people because you think what you have to say is so brilliant, maybe you need to understand that it’s rude and it’s offensive, and it’s essentially saying to people, “I don’t give a shit what you have to say, because I’m wittier and better than you.”
Next time I want to feel not smart enough or not appreciated, I know who to call.
But, you know, I’m gravitating toward people who know how to make others feel appreciated and liked. It feels good. Who knew?

7 thoughts on “The Most Annoying Conversation

  1. John Hays

    Since you’re most likely never going to see the guy again, might I request that you do the gender a favor and end the conversation by instructing him on his rude ways? I know that I have been guilty of doing this in the past, and it would have been great help if I had been corrected for my own good. He may not seem to appreciate it at the time, but he’ll think about it later and hopefully improve, and your time will have not been entirely misused.

  2. Scribe Called Steff

    Well, he’s pretty much bound to read this posting.

    I hope he does. Nice guy. I just don’t have the fucking patience to feel so second-class around anyone right now, and I’ve had a rough couple weeks and just don’t feel like dealing with confrontation.

    So. I’ve taken the admittedly passive-aggressive route and done this.

    Could I handle it better? Yes. Right now, the last thing I want to do is “handle” anything else.

    ‘Sides, my hints throughout the conversation were completely ignored and dismissed. He’s a reader, in general, in life. This’ll have more impact.

    But thank you. πŸ™‚

  3. John Hays

    I hear ya. You should take a week to just totally relax and not plan anything outside of mandatory stuff. Go somewhere for a drink one night by yourself and just people watch. Enjoy being outside of it all for a moment. I always find that relaxing.

    With regard to the talker, I think some guys (read: most) aren’t even concentrating on what they’re really doing when talking with women, they just keep talking to avoid silence and hoping whatever they say will be taken as witty and clever. We all need to remember the two ears one mouth rule from time to time!

  4. Scribe Called Steff

    Yeah. LOL. I need me a “fuck off, will you?” week, for sure. Hah!

    Or maybe it’s just today. Whatever. πŸ™‚

    I’m cutting back on the meeting-men thing for a couple weeks. It’s just been somewhat ludicrous. Something like, what, 8 or 9 first dates in August? Not bad. Pity no one worked for me.

    As for the talking thing, well, yeah, I love a guy who’s eager to talk to me and loves conversation. Please, by all means, talk. Hell, interject from time to time. But if I have the floor, let me have the floor. Slow down sometimes. Invite me in, too. Don’t just fucking go, go, go and not show any interest at all by way of inviting personal story or explanation from your companion, y’know?

    It goes back to what I learned in pursuit of my journalism degree: Never, ever ask questions that can be answered “yes” or “no”, and always, always listen more than you talk ‘cos you never know what they might say if you give ’em enough rope to hang themselves.

    And, the more talking you’re doing, the more ammunition you give your date for judging who you are and what you stand for.

    Less is more. And it’s also a little insurance to protect oneself with.

    Besides, listening can be extremely erotic when done well. Lean into them, drink in their words. Ask questions that reflect how well you’ve heard them. Empathize with their emoting. React during their speech — a half-turned smile, sparkling of the eyes, a sympathetic brow furrow…

    I should put this shit in a post. And I will. Ha. Anyhow. You see where I’m going.

    And when you do none of those things, the opposite happens. The other person feels unappreciated, unnecessary, and disrespected.

    Shitty. It happens too often, too. I’m just putting my foot down after one too many times.

    Especially after a month with 9 first dates.

  5. John Hays

    Exactly, exactly. I like how the point we’re both making is playing itself out with this very conversation! πŸ˜‰ You should definitely post it, since it’s insanely valuable to BOTH genders.

    So yeah, how does a week of 2 or 3 friends instead of several random dates sound, just to switch things up? You’re probably just as likely to randomly engage in a stimulating conversation with some cute guy while out with your friends, and there’s no expectations that way!

  6. Scribe Called Steff

    Yes, but they also won’t get me laid, which brings us back to why the stupidity of dating appeals in the first place:

    Now and then we get to score.

    Trouble is, all the fuckwits we need to run through before we get to goal line.

    However.

    Plans with best friend Friday, brother Sunday.

    Both cute, both fun to talk to, and both will never, ever get me laid.

    So, yes, uncomplicated. Wise, likely.

    Saturday: NOTHING. “Fuck off, will you?”

  7. John Hays

    Ah, see I meant more the types of friends who will go out with you to social places where you can randomly run into people who might end up at your place later. There’s something to be said for the occasional cannon ball into the deep end of the pool!

    Enjoy your Saturday. In fact, take a camera and just go walking somewhere looking for good shots. Again, you never know what might happen!

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