A 2009 Wish for Smut Writers

[Note: These opinions of mine are strong. Aren’t they always? But it should be said that I think it’s with irony, too, as the majority of sex bloggers I’ve followed on Twitter tend to speak of condoms as necessity, not options. I believe the sex blogging community is indeed having responsible sex more often than not; this posting isn’t about their personal practice, it’s about the image they’re portraying in their writing, which I would like to see more match their reality.]

I know the perception is that condoms aren’t sexy.

I know it fucks with the cadence in real life, stopping the action to fumble for protection, but putting on a condom CAN be hot. It CAN be incorporated into the play.

So why don’t smut writers include donning protection during casual sex scenes they write?

People are using less protection than they were 10 years ago. In fact, reports in the UK are that a staggering half of over-30 singles regularly have unsafe sex.

How fucking dumb are these people? Well, pretty dumb. If you’re having casual sex without a condom, I think you’re a fucking moron. If you’re not in a longterm absolutely safe monogamous relationship and you’re not using condoms, guess what? Yup, moron.

STDs have been caught by an amazing 1 out of 4 current teenage girls. I don’t even want to think about my generation. The stupidity, it seems, is endemic.

Sex bloggers want to carry this “rah-rah, we’re sex-positive!” mantra, yet I notice a conspicuous absence of proactive sexual protection happening in their stories. Unsafe sex, people, is NOT sex positive.

There is a growing apathy about the dangers of AIDS, HIV, and other STDs out there. The Bush administration made sure of that. We’re still at an infancy in science and medicine. We don’t really know the far-reaching implications of things like repeat yeast infections or vaginismus. You have to wonder, though, what medicine might suspect if American health carriers will often reject women for coverage if they’ve had multiple innocuous little yeast infections, since some suggest it leads to higher instances of cancer.

We take too many risks as a society. So many problems today are so easily fixed after the fact and for so cheaply that we fail to take the precautions we would be well-advised to take. Look at the economic recession, for instance. Thinking about consequence isn’t exactly today’s society’s strong suit, now, is it?

Casual sex is a way of life for many, and that’s just fine, we likes the sex. But it needs to be safe. Not only for you and your would-be partner, but for all those who’ll come after the fact. You owe it to society to use a rubber.

Sex bloggers are on the cusp of what I see as being a new kind of sexual revolution. We’re changing, opening, and lightening up, en masse. As a society it seems as if we all suddenly woke up and realized that getting laid’s kinda a fun thing to do, and often no one even loses an eye. Besides, it’s a recession: Sex is cheap! As long as you skip the dinner-and-a-movie thing and stay home with a pirated DVD and a box of Kraft macaroni, you can get your shag on for less than $10 for two. No date in the world can match that financial payoff.

Sex bloggers make sex hotter, make it more ubiquitous and attainable. Bloggeurs de smut come in all shapes, sizes, incomes, styles, and genres, and they represent us. They’re real. But if they/we’re not talking about the supposedly unsexy things like condoms in a way that sensualizes them, then I feel they/we’re shirking some of the responsibility I think they/we need to uphold.

We, in the literate and informed public, want to shame the mainstream media for failing to be thorough in their reporting, for often failing to take the proverbial “greater good” into account when creating stories for our consumption. Yet sex bloggers do the same, crafting stories of convenient appeal without including the not-so-exciting necessary behind-the-scenes preparations leading up to the end results we see so gloriously splayed for all to enjoy. It’s deceptively neat and tidy.

Hollywood has failed to uphold its social responsibilities in showing condom use in motion pictures and television. My hope is that sex bloggers can be better, more socially responsible, and more realistic than Hollywood has proven it can be.

If some 17-year-old happens upon some smutty story and reads that a condom was used, and they think about it before they get to shagging that next or first time, then isn’t that something that we sex bloggers as a community should be pursuing?

Can’t we take the preaching out of condom use and bring it back to being a bit sexy? I know we’ve all had those times when getting the condom on was actually half the fun. Isn’t it time we make that more known?