Our young protagonist, involved in an unlikely affair with a considerably older woman, one that all outsiders would state an “obvious fail”, just shrugs at his dubious confronters and says, “I know what I’m doing. I’ll be all right.”
And me, there on my sofa, I scoff and chuckle, “Oh, sure you will.”
Because I know. I know that, no matter how old we are, love makes bitches of us all.
Whatever your age, power status, social stature, or financial means, when love comes knocking and your heart starts racing, almost every one of us knows the cloying struggle between terror and exuberation.
My god — someone I like? Someone I need to be vulnerable for? Someone who’ll require me breaking free of my thou-shalt-not-enter comfort zone? Someone else to be responsible to?
I know all about the terror and the desire to run. Been there, done that. Yet it happens every time.
Why? Because I’m too fuckin’ smart for my own good. Continue reading
Monthly Archives: March 2009
Tube or Not Tube, That is the Question
It’s Monday and my weekend has vanished. My place isn’t a complete disaster, but I won’t be inviting any company over just yet.
I’m all right with that, though, because I enjoyed my downtime. I caught up on some TiVo and accomplished a few little things. Most importantly, I met cool new people and had some fun in the sun.
It was such a contrast to the holing-up and hiding I’ve been doing so much of for so long. Oh, sure, call it “me time” and it seems so deliberate and purposeful. Most of the time, though, it was really just hiding. Not because I was scared of anything, but just because it was easier. Continue reading
In Vino Veritas: Turning Points
[One of those into-and-almost-done-a-bottle-of-wine postings. Bear with me here.]
So, Mission: Get a Life is underway.
Making friends, for me? Not very hard. Not if I am myself. If I’m relaxed, content, sociable, people warm to me quickly and easily. And why not? I’m a good person. Better yet, I’m funny. I even make the aesthete’s basic requirement of being “smart” in the broad yet defined “non-Wikipedia” kind of way.
Bonus: I’m brutally frank. This makes me unpredictable. I still regularly shock my best friends of 15+ years, because I’m unflinchingly honest — always. Fortunately, I’m often (definitely not always) tactful, so it’s a little more easily swallowed. Even my employer calls me “honest to a fault”, but she laughs when saying it, and I notice coworkers will actively eavesdrop when I speak, so it can’t be that offensive. Yet. Continue reading
Taking a Moment to Appreciate a Moment
It’s Friday morning. I should be leaving for work. Instead, I’m enjoying the dregs of a French press of black, black coffee, and smiling rather enigmatically as I appreciate the changing daylight as thin clouds waft in front of the sun, toying with the quality of light seeping past my linen curtains.
It is a fine, fine morning. For the first time in… I really can’t tell you how long — I feel better this morning than I did at the start of my work week. My back feels great, I’ve got energy, I’m happy, I’m looking forward to my day, and I’m relatively stress-free.
It’s been a long, long time.
So I’m smiling a lot. Big! Continue reading
About A Girl and Her Scooter
It’s 5:27am. I woke up at about 5ish, just lying there and thinking.
About my scooter.
It’s funny, my scooter technically runs better than it has in its entire life. Completely rebuilt engine, yada, yada. Looks like shit, since The Kid* cracked and broke the hell out of its shell, but what are you gonna do?
All winter, however, my scooter has languished in the corner of my parking lot. Continue reading
When Waiting Can Be Worth It
The trouble with being a fast-food nation is that it’s become the norm to want what you want the way you want it, when you want it.
We’re led to believe that every single day is so important — which is why we need the iPhone, the laptop, the netbook, the fast car, the microwave — that to waste a single moment or wait a single day is tantamount to a national disaster.
And it’s easy to fall into the expectation that because there’s never going to be another today that tomorrow just won’t do, especially when it comes to relationships.
We often don’t have a lot of patience anymore, particularly in love. Me, I’ve never really had it. Continue reading
Purdy New Digs
Lookie, lookie! At long last I got rid of the intense-and-cool but hard-as-fuck-to-read black-black-black blog design.
Now, since this is one of those literary-type places, it’s all easy-to-read and simple.
I’d like to extend my gratitude to the very literary, well-written, ever-so-kind gent behind the fabulous blog www.wordshepherd.com, who gave me technical help for my stylings. Continue reading
The Desire to be Spent
It’s before 7 on a Saturday morning. The naive plan was, I’d get up and go swimming. I’m up. My body tells me I’m a fucking fool. Sleep, it says.
So, I’m going to. I’ll go back to bed in a few. And I’m all right with that.
The reality is, though, that I’m starting to realize between last night and today, just how much this not-working-out thing is killing and deadening my soul.
It’s worse than not getting laid. Far, far worse. Continue reading
A Lazy Morning Status Report
I am lazy defined.
I slept till 7:30. Did a set of exercises and stretched. A nice breakfast. I’m knocking back a French press of strong, strong coffee, watching some television. Continue reading
Fuck the Catholic Church Too
Dear Pope Whatsyerface:
I imagine that, if I ever really wanted to know what an “asshat” looked like, you’d be Exhibit A. I mean, what other excuse is there for that ridiculous hat?
And it’s funny, such a big hat for a man who has such an obviously small brain.
You’re now speculating that condoms are part of the problem with AIDS.
Right. Because rubber is so sieve-like.
You prick. Taking another promotional tour across Africa to again preach your message that using condoms is a sin, and now you’re blatantly LYING, you hypocritical fuck, and saying condoms make the AIDS situation worse?
The BBC reports this:
On his way to Cameroon, the Pope said HIV/Aids was “a tragedy that cannot be overcome by money alone, that cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which can even increase the problem”.
People die every single minute from AIDS in Africa. On a continent where education is so hard to come by, and society is rife with discrimination against those afflicted, and the governments have, for the most part, abdicated their responsibilities to care for and protect its citizens at large?
How DARE you? Motherfucker.
Love Steff.
*** *** ***
I’ll cut this short, because I think one of my best postings ever (of a political nature) was on this very subject. Without ado, I give you: Fuck the Pope.