Archie and Veronica? Let the Stereotypes Perpetuate

Reinforcing the reality that more than half of all marriages embarked upon will end in catastrophic divorce, the news has come out that Archie has popped the big question to Veronica.

Are they getting married? Well, that will all depend. This could be (and likely is) all just a big ploy to get people reinterested in a comic that has steadily but increasingly sucked for the last two decades.

Veronica? Over Betty? Really?

090528-archie-vlrg-9awidecYou see, the problem with this infinitely stupid story’s plot development — Archie hookin’ with Veronica — is largely that it’s continuing to perpetuate about a million stereotypes that one would hope we’re finally past.

Personally, I’d rather see Betty and Veronica scarfing down a pint of Ben & Jerry’s as they cuss out men, then fall into a troubling kiss, and leave the schmucks like Archie to fend for themselves as the girls enjoy a dalliance with the Dyke Side.

But, no, what we have is a geek with a shitty car who somehow manages to have not one, but two hot chicks who are totally smitten for him and doing catty things to win him over and lock the other girl out. Oh, great.

Because, as we all know, broke-ass geek-girls would never, ever have two guys fighting over her in a mainstream media piece (hence why Betty’s always out in the cold). No, instead geek-girls are shown fumbling and trying to figure out vibrators, clinging desperately to men who probably shouldn’t be clung to and who can’t get “normal” girls but who reject the geek-girl, and they’re shown praying to be accepted within the narrow confines of their geeky universe. Or else, a la most ugly-duckling-themed flicks, geek-girl transforms into hot-chick and then wins guy who never noticed her before.

Yeah, nice double-standard there.

Veronica’s a manipulative, two-faced bitch who thinks her money puts her in another class of morality. There’s what’s right, then there’s what Veronica wants. So, she wins the guy.

And even if this thing changes, and suddenly Archie realizes he’s dooming himself to taking a submissive backseat to a woman who’ll treat him like a doormat, I think, if Betty forgets the whole sordid history and agrees to marry the Schmuck, I’ll still be disgusted.

Which is sad, because I was a Ginormous Archie Fan when I was growing up. My $1.85 went out on the Archie double digest with GLEE, I’m telling you.

But then again, I was 12, and my tastes have evolved a smidge since then.

After almost 70 years, Archie‘s storyline is stagnated with stereotypes that we really need to get past. We need to stop thinking it’s amusing when two chicks fight over the same unenthralling guy. Women need to stop being portrayed as finding their self-worth through the men they pursue, because it’s not just a cute story, but a destructive pattern in society today.

The nice, cute girl shouldn’t come last place anymore. We should be past that as a society — particularly when Archie choosing the cunty girl actually goes against his character type and is bad fuckin’ writing.

It just feels so futile, sometimes. All these arguments.

It’s 2009. It’s an exciting time to be female. Things are changing SO quickly for us. I’ve been an edgy, independent chick my whole life, but now it’s becoming more the norm for younger women, and it’s fantastic. Just last week I was on my scooter in capris and sandals and this 70-year-old woman comes over and tells me how she rode a motorcycle a few times in her 20s, but that it was never really accepted for her “station” in life, and she always felt robbed by propriety because she LOVED riding. And she told me how rewarding and rejuvenating she thought it was to watch today as more and more young women weren’t being held back by appearances and propriety anymore.

And then there’s Archie. Banging the same old a-woman’s-only-good-if-a-man’s-chosen-her drum — the same ol’ chasing-men-not-life female type that SOME of us women are trying to move past.

It’s time.

It’s time that manipulative self-serving bitches and jerks are exposed as the wankers they are, and not exalted by culture.

Or maybe it’s time Archie just fucking ceased to exist. 70-year-old relationship dynamics have no place in 2009. It’s a brave new world, a place for brave new art, not tired old stereotypes, because we have brave new relationships that are defying our millenias of social history.

2009, baby. Lovin’ it.

Fuck him, Betty. Move on, girl. Get a cat or something.

Hey, wait, isn’t this how the whole chick-with-cat stereotype started? Aww, shit.