Love Me or Leave Me

“Makes me think of the ideal woman: smart like an academic, jokes like a buddy, sex like a whore, makes chicken pot pie like Paula Deen.” @neilochka

There you have it. I am the ideal. Almost. I’m more a brazen hussy than I am whorey. Can’t help it, I was brought up well. Hussy’s as far as my standards can lax.

Still: Sweet and good enough to take home and have Mom give you the thumbs up, but bad enough to keep it interesting and show you new ways to make use of your childhood closet.

I’m sure there are plenty of men out there who still want the demure kitty-cat girl 24/7, but they’re not my type anyhow. Men who think like Neil are the sorts of fellows I gravitate toward, because letting me being myself is about as big a gift I can receive.

I can be, uh, inappropriate. I’m impulsive, I’m boisterous. Blunt. Provocative. I’m an acquired taste, and far from a universal cup of tea. As with stinky cheese and red wine, those who acquire my tastes tend to become somewhat fond.

And it’s like the good Dr. Seuss always said, “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

The trouble with most of us feeble human-things is that we judge ourselves for what we think are our weaknesses and faults, just because certain authority figures or parents have pointed those things out to us over the years. But what if they’re not flaws?

What if your irreverence is what makes you special? More importantly, what if it’s what makes you really you? What if it’s when you feel most like you fit in your own skin?

Then why fight that? Why change? ‘Cause the teacher said you’re gonna hafta if you’re gonna be anything?

Pfft. Don’t.*

There are qualities you should change — negativity, pessimism, fearfulness, dishonesty, narcissism, et al — but irreverence, goofiness, provocateur tendencies? No.

If you’re too much to handle, honey, maybe you just need to find better handlers.

Anyone who rejects me these days is doing me the favour of saving my very valuable time from being wasted upon them. And I thank them very kindly. Because there’s a whole lot of other people who might enjoy a little dose of this, and life’s too short to be spread thinly upon those who fail to appreciate what they’re receiving, isn’t it?

I look for people who not only appreciate me but who make me laugh and think and feel. When someone accepts me as I am and doesn’t expect me to dress up my language or subside into a tidal wave of social propriety, then I find myself similarly wanting to invite them to be themselves too. It’s easy, it’s good. It’s the right way to be with others.

Too bad so much of our society is still hung up on living up to Mommy & Daddy’s expectations, being in the “right” crowd as opposed, or having a trophy-ish lover to present at the office’s Christmas party.

Love’s not just about digging the person you’re involved with. It’s about how much of you they not only allow you to be but truly appreciate and enjoy.

There aren’t a lot of the “traditional” marriage vows I can get behind — and don’t even start me on the “love, honour, and obey” line — but one of the greatest lines in it, and one of the greatest things to aspire to in love and friendship, is “for better or worse”.

Me, I’m a loose cannon. I’m a match looking for a spark, and when I find it, I go off. I’ll launch into mini-rants all the time. They’re usually pretty funny, though, if you have a sense of humour. But if you don’t, then I’m some negative windbag (hardly!) you want to move away from. Fine, whatever, man. But my best friends always start giggling when yet another thing finds my Displeasure. And I love them for it, because I never feel like I have to apologize for expressing myself. Especially since I enjoy my rants and usually wind up laughing at myself by the end of them. Shouldn’t we enjoy ourselves that way?

That’s what we all need to aspire for. Friends and lovers who don’t need apologies often. Friends and lovers who just understand we’re “just that way”, who make us feel not only comfortable enough, but entitled, to be who we are and say what we feel.

I like myself this way. I’m not fucking apologizing. I’m not cleaning up my act. I’m not going to kowtow to civility and normalcy.

Don’t like it? Walk away.

‘Cause I’m staying.

After all: I’m the ideal woman. Maybe you didn’t get the memo?

*It’s funny, though, this whole “don’t change” thing is something I need to accompany with saying that I think it’s just like the philosophy of selfishness as a virtue, egoism — the premise is only as good as the moral grounds under the practitioner. If you’re not a moral person, then your practice of selfishness will be amoral. If you’re a good person and you get something out of helping others, then you being a selfish person will benefit others.