Embracing the Angst

I’m in a bitter mood. I’m sure people would do well to enact a 10-foot radius around me today. Stay back, or be armed. Those are kind of your options for dealing with The Steff today.

It’ll probably die down in a couple hours. But I don’t give a shit. I don’t get bitter very often, and I’m not about to run around panicking because it’s happpened now. We get bitter. Emotions are a wild ride. Fight it at your peril.

Or be like me, and take it lying down.

It passes quickly this way. I snap at a few people, let the ride wind down, and while I do, I do the things I know snap me out of moods — drinking more water, listening to a little music, getting something accomplished — but until it passes, I’m there with it.

The psychiatric industry would have you think I’m a defeatist. The happy-shiny people would have you think I’m defective. The scaredycats would have you think I’m depressive.

I’m none of the above. I’m a girl who knows my emotions are a part of me, and most of them are valid and understandable reactions to the realities around me at any given time.

Am I as perfectly mentally stable as I could be? Am I an unshakable force? Will I find every port in every storm?

Nah. Probably not. I have hormones. Worse, I have an active imagination. Still worse, I’m keen on both psychology and philosophy.

Like it or loathe it, I’m on the “examined life” train until my dying day, and it’ll probably always involve topsy-turvy emotions. Because one has to know the value and meaning of things for their impact to truly be felt, and I think I understand value and meaning in much of life.

I don’t mind that these emotions of mine are part of the price I pay for being a smarty-pants overthinker girl with a big heart.

If you’re really going to live life, love it, experience it, and be in it, you can’t fault the reality that you’re going to FEEL it, too. That’s the price you pay for being present. Just realize it can be shook and moved on from, too, once you’ve ridden it for a spell.

Give in, then get on with it, right?

Speaking of, time to share my joy with my coworkers. These are the days I love that my job means sitting with headphones on and NOT talking to people.