Social Media Pecking Order? Must We?

I believe I’ve put my foot in it, so I thought I might as well squish it around and make a real good mess. What the hell, right?
I’ve sort of smack-talked Vancouvers “social media” scene when I read the always-awesome Raul/Hummingbird604‘s blog post on same [Where is the Diversity…?] earlier today. First off, I should say I think that getting out to “tweet-ups” through Twitter, as a social tool, is one of the best choices I’ve made in years. I am making great new friends. I love what it’s doing for me.
But there’s a definitive class-system out there, and its obviousness at tweet-ups is GLARING. So I’m tackling my two cents from a different, more pointed perspective here.
I am a very anti-social person by nature, I’m a loner, but NOT when I’m in a crowd. I can, and will, probably meet every person in the room. I’m not effusive and bubbly and cuddly and shit, I just don’t go that way. I’m more the sly smile, twinkle-in-the-eye type. But I connect.
And there have been people at tweet-ups who are just unbelievably hard to connect with. You can, and do, hear about people who show up all excited to a tweet-up, then get snubbed entirely by those who are there because the rest of the people know each other. What? How rude.  Seriously, people, lighten up. You blog and you Twitter, so what?  Woo-woo. Any chimp can do this. Trust me.
I had 5,000 hits a day three years ago, okay? This blog’s* had over 1.5 million hits. I was in the top 6,000 blogs in the world for a while there. I made money, even. So what? It’s GONE now. Shit happens, man. Sure, it takes incredible with-it-ness to keep a blog going long-term, but the reality is, sometimes other things are just more important. Me, I walked away because I know where my priorities lie. Not with writing for a “public”, but rather, with writing.
Despite no “readers” compared to my OLD stats, I wrote for myself when I needed to, and, no, it wasn’t very good, because I didn’t care to edit it. And people rightfully continued to stop reading. So? Humility is always a lesson one needs to wring out for everything it’s worth. I think I’ve done so. I’ve managed also to remember that I made the write choice. And the right choice.
In the time I’ve been “gone”, I lost 70 pounds, rediscovered life, rediscovered myself, overcame debilitating injuries, kept myself afloat without anyone’s help when I’ve only been able to work full-time for maybe 20% of the last five years. Um… redecorated my home, took my cooking up a notch by learning to do it healthily and still kicking ass. Uh…  Fell in, and out, of love.  Boy, what else? Too much. I haven’t even touched on jobs. And through it all, I’ve written. Now I have this incredible reference of some amazing thought-processes I underwent while making some fucking awesome changes in my life, and THAT is kind of what blogging is about.
The point is, just because some of us don’t obsess over the social order, or don’t give a fuck about being seen with the “right” people (because there are so MANY to choose from, kind of like a friendship-buffet… why confine myself only to meat or potatoes or, god forbid, green things?), we shouldn’t have to feel like we’re some sort of extraneous part of the “social media” crowd.
Just because I’m not GEEKING about social media doesn’t make me irrelevant.
In FACT, I should be MORE relevant. Why? Because I care about social media for two reasons — it’s social, and it’s media. I’m reaching out. For me, being READ is more important than selling adspace, even when I’m killing myself trying to just get by, let alone pay down debt. I don’t CARE about ads or branding or any of that. I care about being read, period.
I want people to read what I have to say. I value my voice. I think you should, too. And you will, given the chance. I think I have an interesting perspective. I work hard to try to live the original examined life. I feel OBLIGATED to share my experiences in DEEPLY personal ways — because I’ve been through harsh versions of some pretty common themes in life, like survival, loss, and overcoming odds, and I think that if anyone can experience less intense turbulence as a result of maybe reading something I’ve written, then that’s powerful. Or, if I can make the hardships they’re enduring make sense, then that’s awesome too.
A woman once donated me a few hundred bucks (only time a BIG gift like that happened) for writing a posting about my mother’s death. After a couple years of her mother being dead, she could finally have a way to express to friends how it really felt — by paraphrasing me, or sending my link.
I made her pain easier to bear. Fuck “regular” advertising money! That’s awesome! That these new internet-driven social tools are allowing us to connect on deeper, less superficial planes like that, wow… this is some seriously powerful stuff.** This can change the way our world rolls. If we use it the right way.
Not if these tweetups continue being akin to high school at times, where little cliques cuddle and huddle. Don’t you get it yet? The intrawebs are for spanning the globe and shattering culture block. It’s about trying to see how we’re all the same, not amplifying how we’re different.
Blogging and social media have saved marriages, changed lives, prevented suicides, interceded in the same, revolutionized business, expedited news and information, eroded cultural divides, and, what else?
Then what’s with the whole cliquey deep-inside-it’s-grade-11-all-over-again thing? No, I don’t get it. I’m better than that. Judging by all these blogs and tweets, they’re all better than that. So let’s cut the shit and BE better than that. Let’s include people and expand experiences.
So, for a while, I’ll continue being cautious of who I align with. I’m trying to be like Switzerland, friends with everyone… and holding the really good chocolate. I’m the new kid on the block, remember? “Choose wisely, grasshopper,” I think I heard some old man on a corner whisper.
I honestly believe blogging and social media can change the world if we don’t let it all become the soulless hack of an entity that the corporate world has become. Social media isn’t just about money, it’s about shaping a new world for ourselves. It has to be kept real. Fight the power. Get past these social divides. Take the unity that we create on the web and transpose it to reality… anything less? We’ve failed.
These are pivotal times we live in.
Choose wisely, grasshopper. Live boldly.
*But this blog was called The Cunting Linguist at that time, and I do still own the URL. Thinking about making the big change back. 🙂
**And, let’s face it, it’s a much more appealing way to get sex & relationship advice, this internet thing. Let’s get that ball rolling again. Got any pressing questions I should try answering? Try dropping me a line. Smuttysteff (at) gmail [dot] com.

11 thoughts on “Social Media Pecking Order? Must We?

  1. Patrick

    The joy of the clique… of course… if you’re not in one, well, that just means they’re scared of the fact you’re better than them
    it’s like a gang – composed of cowards who can’t handle their own business, and need to be surrounded by other cowards who, together, feel stronger, and better, and tough.
    it’s an effective way of hiding
    that’s about it
    .-= Patrick´s last blog ..Oh zoom… =-.

  2. Raul

    Thanks for the post, Steff
    Truth be told, I do write for myself, and your post reminds me of the many reasons why I write for myself. I’ve started a “Raul is going to be a bit of a recluse” season and one of the reasons is precisely because I can feel the cliques emerging.
    I have worked REALLY hard at making the Vancouver Blogger Meetup inclusive, and I do seriously hope I can continue doing so. I want the space to be a welcoming one, and I want my friends to know that no matter what, they’ll be in my life regardless of skin color, sexual orientation or body abilities.
    Thanks for this, Steff. And for being you.
    .-= Raul´s last blog ..Where is the diversity in social media conferences? =-.

  3. Robyn

    Just because I’m not GEEKING about social media doesn’t make me irrelevant.
    Haha, Amen!! 😀
    Great post by the way. Perhaps I should head to a few “Tweetups” myself one of these days!

  4. A Scribe Called Steff Post author

    Patrick– Yeah, kinda funny how opting to not belong to any one segment sort of precludes you from belonging at all. Or that’s how it feels, sometimes. But whose fault is that, ultimately? If we choose not to belong to any one segment, then how can we be so offended when we feel like we skirt all the experiences instead of wallowing deep in them? We’ve chosen not to be a part of it, ultimately.
    Tris– 😀
    JP– Ironically, I have no chocolate. Just a big cup of fail. 😉
    Raul– Y’know, I think the 604 space is great and fine. I think it’s the membership who chooses to respect old allegiances rather than welcoming new faces with more than just platitudes. When I hear the story of people who show up at tweet-ups to never even have ANYONE approach them to say him, that chokes me. And that’s NOT on you, but you need to accept that it does happen. And it’s NOT on YOU. You can’t mediate other people. They need to step the fuck up and say HEY, WELCOME. WHO ARE YA? Because I was at a Tweetup in May and I saw a few people show up who weren’t like me, (I get my face in the mix, whether you want me to or not) and sat on the outskirts, waiting for people to say hi. *I* went over, and it was my first time meeting 90% of the people there. NO ONE ELSE CAME OVER, despite it being obvious these folk were in the same party — despite a GIVEAWAY happening 2 feet down the same table, and that’s bullshit. There were 35 people there. (You were there for all of 15 minutes earlier, before this, and you said hello to many people.)
    So my point is, this shit’s going on, and either people are oblivious to how rude it appears, or it’s happening on purpose, and either way, it should change. If we want a diverse community, it NEEDS to change. And that means people like me saying so, loudly.
    Me, I’m okay with that, as long as I get it some of the time.
    Colleen– Thank you, honey.
    Glenda– I appreciate you saying so. Thanks.
    Robyn– Hey, absolutely, get out to some. For every person who blows it, there’s probably a couple people you’d love meeting. Trouble is, you really need to make the effort to get into people’s faces and say hi, otherwise it might not be the winning experience you’d hope. 😛
    And thanks. 🙂

  5. GregEh

    Steff, I’d suggest that what you interpret as a class hierarchy is often just introverted, shy geeks being socially awkward. You’re overanalyzing and taking offense that people don’t socialize with the same enthusiasm as you.
    I’ll usually come out to tweetups because I know people I know will be there and it’ll be a good chance to have a beer with them. Meeting people is nice, but secondary. Am I doing it wrong?
    Not rude, just awkward.
    (also, it’s Vancouver, do you really expect to go somewhere and _not_ find people that are quiet and isolationist? :P)

    1. A Scribe Called Steff Post author

      Ha! Obviously geeks will be tougher to get to know, yeah. I should write a companion post about how you don’t have the right to whine about not meeting people if you haven’t the balls to wade into the club, too. There is actually a smaller segment, maybe 20-30% of the crowd I specifically think is guilty of of post to a varying degree; people who’ve decided they have their group, they’re closing rank, and who cares who else shows up.
      I mean, you wanna do the closed-table we’re-buddy-friends thing, then go out together, right, but don’t just park your clique at a tweet-up and make it obvious you’re not interested in anyone else joining you. Know what I mean? There’s a distinction.
      But I agree that it can’t be on only the people supposedly doing the shunning. I was PMSing the day I wrote.
      PERSONALLY, I’m not really taking offense ‘cos I don’t feel I’ve really been shunned much of anyplace. There was *one* tweetup I felt exemplified my posting, but it was also a really stupid venue to have a tweetup in.
      And I get what you’re saying too, about going to tweetups because X is there, etc. I think that’s doing it right, too. I think I got way off of Raul’s original posting’s topic and in so doing the original focus evaporated, but originally this was supposed to be about expanding social media. In that context, I think more interaction should be expected.
      If it’s more of a tweetup being held by individual groups that are making it public in case others want to come, that’s different, I guess. It’s inclusionist AND exclusionist by its very nature.
      Oh, a muddled mess I’ve made.
      And, incidentally, YOU spoke to ME at my first tweetup, so you’re not THAT awkward. 🙂

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