I’m frustrated as hell today.
I know I’m PMSing. I’m getting pissed off at obligations, frustrated at my lack of time, angry at the day ahead of me, and I have nothing I can do to really change or improve any of it, other than the plans on tap.
It’s chemicals, man. I’d apologize, but I don’t want to. I didn’t ask to feel like this. I don’t want to feel like this. I also know it won’t be around long. But it’s around now, and there’s not much I can do to shake that.
For now, my life’s pretty consumed with obligation. I’ve got a lot on tap in the next week, and it’s frustrating, because what I really want to do is just get back into a routine. Any, really. I’m stretched too goddamned thin. Still. I’m tired. It’s been a very, very long time of feeling this way. Normally it doesn’t bother me much, I’m used to it, but come PMS time, I get resentful as fuck. I’d like to live on Easy Street. That’d be a nice change of address, if even for a while.
But today is yet the end of another long week, and my workday hasn’t even begun.
Sometimes my life feels infinite and unchanging. I think it’s called winter.
Tomorrow, I sleep in. Then, I make candy for cool people. Then, I party for Halloween at the most unbelievable location ever. Boy, wait’ll you get a load of me.
Then I take a deep breath, deal with my shit Sunday, and then start yet another incredibly long week. This time, without the stupidity of so many early mornings.
If anything, I’m realizing I won’t write if I’m not at home in the morning. This going-to-work-at-7am-to-free-up-my-nights thing is for the shits. My creative circadian rhythm feels like I threw it in a blender with some speed, caffeine, and a mindfuck, then just hoped for the best. Not so good. Creative on the side of a busy life, now that’s a challenge to maintain over the longterm.
Don’t worry, lowly unpaying blogreaders. I love you. I have not deserted you. I shall remedy this pesky schedule thing. I shall rock the writing soon. We shall be together again.
Meanwhile: BOO! Scared ya, huh? Happy boolicious Halloween.