The Relationship-Saving iPhone App

iphone_iperiod2_5If there’s anything I love about my iPhone, it’s that I’m starting to be able to micromanage my life.

There’s an app for everything!

Like iPeriod.

Men, before you go “ACK, NO, NOT PERIOD TALK” — think about the brilliance here. AN EARLY WARNING SYSTEM. A bitchy-factor crystal ball! All for you! You wanted it… they invented it.

What if you KNEW when your wife’s period was due? What if you could plug into your little iPhone what days she’s being REALLY bitchy for no reason, and your iPhone could track patterns and warn you about when to expect her moody days, when her cycle will start, and when you should be worried?

iPeriod is making a lot of women very happy because they finally have a more scientific way of knowing when Nature’s Course Will Run, and also because it’s teaching us more about how cycles work — not really something we’re ever taught by Moms, schools, or doctors.

If men think our periods are confusing, wait’ll you try living on the other side of one.

Either way, this app is fucking brilliant. Its applications for women AND men are fantastic. I wonder how much simpler it’d make some marriages if guys could just check their iPhones and go, “Uh-huh. She goes on the rag on Saturday. Jesus, now it all makes sense.”

Personally, I think the Vegas rule should apply to PMS too.

What happens during PMS, stays in PMS. After all, we all know PMS is easily one of the stupidest fucking phenomena around. I mean, it’s a DEFENSE FOR MURDER! Let’s not kid ourselves here. BOTH sexes can prepare for the Stupid Asinine Parade of Shitty that comes wrapped up in the guise of Women’s Bodily Mechanics? Wow, well, both sexes COULD use a little less randomness with that crap.

Perhaps even MORE encouragement for men to be interested in this? Well, any SAVVY guy knows a women is most, um, aroused and horny the day before a period arrives. Imagine what that kind of powerful knowledge might do for the average undersexed suburban husband, huh?

I open mine up today and an alert flashes that tells me it looms in a few days. I can cancel things if I want, plan my work week as well as workouts in anticipation of it, and just generally be aware that, yes, I’ll be increasingly short-tempered for no reason in the next few days, and now I can plan ahead to try and out-think the stupidity of PMS.

But if I was a man, I’d be just as thrilled for the early warning. At least I could hide or arrange a golf-day with buddies.

iPeriod, saving sanity one cycle at a time.*

*Worth noting that the same developers have come up with iPregnant, worth investigating if you’re expecting.

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