HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I started the Bonus Resolution plan for FREE and I get a whole extra month of kicking ass and taking names! My 2010 started on December 1st!

It’s the Olympic year in Vancouver, you know. “Citius. Altius. Fortius.” Faster. Higher. Stronger.

Considering a couple years ago I weighed 65 pounds more, couldn’t run a block, do a single push-up, and was 8 sizes larger, being faster, getting higher, and becoming stronger than I already am will be a challenge. And I’m so up for it!

I’ve had a really hard time not going all medieval on my psyche in the last few months. I know when my workout will broke. Hell, my will shattered. June 13th, when I blew out my back again. Spent the next 2-3 months rehabbing TWO back injuries. Oh, joy. So, I stopped everything.

Then, of course, began the mental heavy lifting this summer, followed by therapy (begun because I found out I could get it for free, and you’re a fucking idiot if you don’t at least give it a shot when you literally have nothing to lose), and the last thing I needed was more mental pressure.

But, game’s on, kids.

Bought my gym membership yesterday. I’ve gone two days in a row now, and plan to keep it up. I don’t give a fuck if you’re skeptical. You can be anything you wanna be, honey.

Anything you wanna be. But you just wait.

Getting my mental game back on has been hard — it means overcoming a lot of fear, mostly because I know EXACTLY what I have to do to have more of the success I’ve already tasted. First, I have had to walk right past the angst I have about stagnating for so long, because I also have had to understand that we simply do what we need to do when we need to do it. And I’ve done just that.

I have the comfort of knowing it took me a couple months to throw things into gear the first time I had my massive weightloss. This is apparently how I roll, it’s my process.

Being back in it, though, means making choices — knowing where my priorities lie. That’s tough at a time like this, socially, when everyone’s out and eating before Christmas. It gives me an excuse to avoid parties and unhealthy food, though, for the most part. I’m trying to hold off being really social for ONE more week. Lay the ground work, start the battle. You know. Socializing at Christmas is great and fun, but it’s also a lot more empty and pressure-filled. There’s only so much you NEED to do to feel a part of the holidays.

It’s been a long time since I’ve gone into Christmas with such positivity around me — promise for the year ahead. It’s one thing to tell yourself it’s promising, but it’s another to see it unfolding. There’s something incredible about just quietly believing inside that everything’s going to be fine again. Much better than the quiet fear you never want to put into words.

Well, 2009, you knew how to pack a whole lot into my life in one year — starting with my father nearly dying on New Year’s Eve & going into ICU, all the way to me magically clearing up my finances weeks before the year-end, and all the rehab and victories and grief in between.

What a ride. 8% remains. Let’s see whatcha got. And, 2010, you look fab, baby.