RANT: “Whine, Whine. #FML! Fuck My Life!”

ED. NOTE: This posting is meant for people who say “FML” and mean it. Like they say, people love the internet because they get to whine on it, and that’s fine. Go ahead, grumble. Just be interesting about it! And don’t be some snivelling fuckwit hyperbolizing and going “FML” because you woke up 30 minutes before your alarm, all right? I don’t care about grumbling, but I _hate_ the saying “FML”. Which is why we’re at this dance. Shall we?

Oh. And this may contain swearwords. Be careful of your fragile little vocabulary thresholds now.

fuck_you-1Trendy these days is the acronym “FML”, short for “Fuck My Life.”

No, fuck your attitude if you’re saying that crap.

Forgetting your lunch is not “FML.” Having to deal with a friend you find annoying because you’re too pussy to deal with it, that’s not “FML”.

That’s “fuck, I’m dumb” or “fuck, I’m a pussy.” You’re to blame either way. That ain’t “FML”.

I’ve been pissed off about seeing “FML” all the time for quite a while now. I see it from spoiled rich kids who have a bad day, or people with ordinary lives who have victim complexes about every little thing that happens. I see it from people with more good luck in a week than I’ve seen in a year sometimes, too. I see it from people who blurt it without really thinking about what it means a lot. People are whining on Twitter about forgetting their lunch and tagging the comment with FML. Seriously?

And this week, THIS WEEK, I’m done.

Shut the fuck up.

People in Haiti? No food, no water, 10% of the country homeless, and the rest, their life just went from bad to shit in an instant. Now, no roadways, dysentery and other diseases soon arriving, live people still buried after 6 days, tropical summer heat and no shelter or shade in the most populated regions, relief having trouble making it in?

THEY can say “FML” this week. They’re allowed.

95% of the people who use it, though, can just shut the fuck up, grow some balls, and face life like the grown-up they ought to damned well be by now.

They’re like the existentialist whiners I hated in college. “Why me? Why me?”

Why YOU? Because it’s your turn. There’s no big mystery here, pal. Sometimes you’re the pigeon, sometimes you’re the statue. Life’s tough, get a helmet. Time to break out the shiny clichés, ‘cos anything’s better than “FML.” Fuck, man.

Fuck your life? Bend over.

When I went through seven years of endless shit, I never whined about “why me” or thought along the lines of “fuck my life.” Maybe I thought “my fucking life”… but never FML. I knew I was getting dealt shit, but I took it for the dumb sequence of bad luck it probably was, and deep down inside I believe it makes the odds that much better that I’ll enjoy the opposite one day — year after year of confusingly good fortune.

But, at this point, I just know what 7 years of mostly shit feels like. And that’s okay. I’m not the only person I know who’s had year after year of tough stuff chucked her way in a row. It happens. It happens a lot more commonly than I wish it did. And I’m not the only person who’s had a pretty resilient attitude through it, either.

Now, though, I feel all John Wayne-y and shit. It makes me feel like a fucking survivor of The Great Depression compared to the weak-ass sissy bitches I see cluttering up the works on the internetz. It just kills me when I see people justify being whiny just because “everyone’s doing it.”

It’s not okay. Words matter. Attitude is everything. You’re fucking with the VIBE, yo!

FML is whining. It’s pathetic. It’s INSULTING to people who really are facing terrible adversities. Those people don’t have the LUXURY of thinking “fuck my life.” They have to get up thinking, “There has to be a way that I can survive my day. There has to be a way I can pay my rent. There has to be a way I can beat this disease. I have to make it through today. Today will be okay.”

Seriously. I could go on and on about this, but let me set an example for you and just shut the fuck up. YOU: Find a better way to complain that doesn’t insult people who really know what a “fucked” life is. Get over yourself.

Life’s gonna stay tough. Get that helmet. And shut the fuck up about “FML”.

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