Uh, Yeah, About That “Bag Discount?”

Dear Whole Foods Clerk (and others):

Yes, I did bring my own bag.

No, I don’t want to donate my 10-cent rebate for being a conscientious shopper to Bob’s Green Yard, Betty’s Pooper-Scooper, or whatever fucking charity it is you’re backing this week.

No, I’m not a bitch because I don’t want to be generous — I’m just really sick of you making money off my dime. Literally.

See, you donate my money, and you get a tax break. Does that tax break go to charity? No, probably into the Whole Foods Whole-Paycheck bank account.

And, hey, now, that sanctimonious look you just shot me because you’re “tired” of “cheap” customers? Go fuck yourself, lady.

It’s been a fucking recession for three years. You know what I’m tired of? Being broke. But, guess what? Nothing’s changing on THAT front because YOUR employer has to keep raising prices because that’s the world we live in.

And, while we’re talking, that bag I brought with me? It doesn’t mean you don’t have to do your job.

Bag my groceries. After all, I’m paying the “We’re Whole Foods, so you’re guilt-free” premium for SOMETHING, right?

Just ring up the groceries, bag ’em, and don’t make me feel like shit for keeping money that I really did actually work for.

Even if it’s just a motherfucking dime.

Thanks!

Love Steff.