I Was DENIED and It Felt GREAT

I asked someone for help this week, and the most delightful thing happened.

They said “No.”

*blink*

Yes, you read that right. They declined. Took the high road. Waved me off. Said hasta la not bloody likely.

Oh, yes, they did.

And it was w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l.

A nice little note: “Life’s overwhelming. You’re great, I’d love to help, but life’s having its way with me.” Or something to that effect.

WONDERFUL. FUCKING FANTASTIC.

Thank you for acknowledging I asked! Thank you for being real! Thank you for saying you simply can’t!

I’m an adult. I get it. Hello, resident of Planet Earth here — you can reach me Care of: Overwhelmed Nation.

I’m just happy to get a letter back!

You know who you are, you passive-aggressive motherfuckers.

“Oh, sorry, never got the email.” Or, worse, they just never reply — then you email again, text, and then the message is loud and clear.

I’ve had people AGREE TO HELP ME, say “thrilled to help!” and when I send the follow-up email, they’re gone. When I text, no reply. When I Facebook, I might as well be invisible.

You PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MOTHERFUCKER.

(Ed. note: The above passage is aggressive-aggressive. Feels fucking great.)

Okay, so you’d rather flush the friendship than have the balls to say it’s not a good time? Yeah, screw you too, you lily-assed pussy.

Look, I asked for help because THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS DO. If you can’t help, SAY SO. It’s FUCKIN’ COOLIO, BRO.

If ANYONE gets being overwhelmed by life, cold-cocked by fortune, slapped-silly by suckage, IT’S ME. I wrote the book on it, took a pass on the t-shirt.

I don’t understand this whole trend if “If I pretend the email (and text then follow up email and voicemail) never came, then I’m off the hook.”

You can LIVE like that? Seriously? Were you bred to be an under-the-table crawler, he-who-hides-in-corners? What the fuck is that about? Wow, must suck to live in your skin.

Saying NO is the coolest thing anyone’s done for me the whole month. It’s honest, real, and refreshing.

If you don’t have the balls to say no, grow some, because anyone WORTH YOUR TIME will RESPECT YOU for it.

And the people who DON’T RESPECT A NO aren’t worth your time.

It’s really that simple.

There you go. Life lesson #302: NO is a good thing. At least it’s real.

But ask anyhow. All people can do is say no, and the ones who do, keep them around for the future, because you know they’ll be straight with you. The ones who say yes and deliver, keep them too. Everyone else, put on probation.

The ones who dick you around, they’re instantly disposable.

Truth, yo.