This is my interstellar craft of truth and wit. Buckle up. If you want celebrity gossip, this is not the blog for you. If you want comfortable postings that’ll fill you with happy fuzzy thoughts about the world at large, or self-help guru shit, this is not the blog for you.
Category Archives: Consumerism
Every year, without fail, I'm forced to write yet another posting saying pretty much all the same things. Like, if you can't be romantic the rest of the year, you don't deserve a lover. If you can't remember to live with passion when it's not February 14th, then you're wasting oxygen.
Dear Toilet Paper Manufacturer: You lied. You said your paper was soft and pure. It is, you claim, a “premium” paper. Sadly, my clitoris disagrees. I don’t know if you realize, but girl parts are sensitive. Nice soft fleshy bits, hypersensitive to touch and even sensation? Very? My clitoris feels your product isn’t premium. That [...]
Body image. Stand any one of us in front of a mirror, ask us to reveal what we dislike about ourselves, and an unhesitating list would be quickly forthcoming. Industry knows this. They count on it. All the way to the bank. If you’re happy about yourself, why would you ever spend all that disposable income [...]
There I was, desperately locking and re-locking the bathroom door in the back of a Subway sandwich shop, panicking that I might be heard, or maybe the Catholic in me felt the location was just morally wrong for that sort of thing, but I didn’t give a shit. The time was nigh, now or never, [...]
My couch is gone. My piece of shit, black vinyl couch is gone. In its place is a new, black-and-blue cloth (presumably piece of shit but thus far unproven as such) couch that I was given as a warranty replacement. Also gone is its history. All those nights spent cuddling with cute guys, the dirty [...]
I get a lot of emails from readers from time to time, and for some reason, this past week has been filled with emails. Some are easy answers, some are ones I don’t want to tackle, some involve giving instruction (which I dislike doing, so I take my time), and some are just total mind-fucks, [...]