Tag Archives: women

Steff Rants: On "Letting" Women Masturbate

All right, I read a comment this morning from “The Dating Master” on my posting about why 40% of women don’t masturbate, and I’ve been a little riled ever since.
I should be cleaning my house before my friend arrives for a barbecue later, but he’s seen the mess before, and I’ve got a groove on with some classic Verve playing, so fuck it, let’s tackle this.
The guy, and I can’t be entirely sure of whether he’s serious or not, but I’m leaning towards “yes,” based on his own blog, said: “the problem is if we let women masturbate then they will say hey why do we need guys we men are sexually starved as it is.”
The thing IS, though, that even if he’s NOT serious, there are men out there who think like this. So, I’m gonna take ’em on!
Normally, I’m kind enough to fix people’s grammar, but his stays as-is. All right, rant mode ON. I just voted, I feel EMPOWERED, baby. And I feel like swearing a lot — I am one with my inner-trucker tonight. (This is NOT an anti-man bash! It’s an anti-sexist-guy/anti-lousy-lover bash! There are good guys out there. I know it!)

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First response: What the fuck?
Second response: “LET” us masturbate?
Third response: Why, you…

All right, no one needs to LET US do a goddamned thing. This is why I’m telling women to talk charge of themselves and get to know the fine act of self-love. It’s 2006, buddy.
If you men are “sexually starved as it is,” maybe it’s time everyone stop, sit the fuck down, and think about why that might just be. Here, I have a few ideas. Let me share.

  • Almost every guy thinks he’s some kind of stud when he gets in bed. The guys are thinking, “Nah, that’s not me,” and the women are thinking, “You fucking tell ‘em, sister.”

You do not just insert your penis and see us crumble into ecstasy. You can’t just rub our clit for 30 seconds and think we’re done. You can’t just work us for the average 14-18 minutes that statistics say the average man lasts. There’s a reason foreplay exists – it’s so that WE orgasm, too.
You may be sexually starved, but you ain’t getting the fucking job done when we do let you at us, in most cases, so why the hell should we bother? Seriously. I’d rather read a fucking book than have lame sex. You want to underperform? Go masturbate, I’m having a bath. Yeah, seriously.
Educate yourselves. Learn what the hell the g-spot is, where it is, and why it works. Learn that less than 30% of women orgasm every time they have sex – and their partners have a good deal to do with the low results, but I’m not suggesting a woman NEEDS to come every time she’s getting laid, but men NEED a reality check on the matter. Learn that less than 40% of women are capable of having an orgasm vaginally. Learn that our BODIES are one giant erogenous zone – not just three regions of it. If you don’t work it, we won’t want it. Period.
You want us to want you more? Learn how to make us shudder. Learn how to tease us, deny us, prolong us, then satiate us. And learn how to have better longevity with your erections. I mean, Christ, it’s a MUSCLE, and very few men ever do exercises to strengthen it, other than masturbating and deflating.

  • And the other part of the problem? Women who are still being fucking subservient to the men in their lives, and completely disrespectful of themselves, who aren’t putting it on the table and saying, “THIS IS WHAT I WANT. This is what I enjoy, and THIS is what you need to do to make me orgasm.” And why not? Because they’re ashamed to talk about sex, they think they’ll hurt their lovers’ feelings by being honest, or they think they’re not entitled to say anything, or worse yet? They’re as fucking ignorant as the men they’re fucking.

Men, it is in YOUR interest to educate your lover, to educate yourself. By simply having sex in the standard formation – missionary, whatever, for 15 minutes – you’re denying yourself. You’re making your woman apathetic. Women NEED to be titillated or they just won’t care. Men are hardwired to have their dick inside something, we all know this, and that’s a good day out for just about any guy, really, but women, most of us can cope without sex and without you, just fine, and you really, really want to avoid having us feel that way.
When you take the apathetic way out with sex, you’re essentially dining at the sexual taco hut. Sure, it’s a great thing now and then. But there’s a big world out there – homecookin’, upscale, little quickie snacks, and you’re relegating yourself to the same goddamned thing every time.
Women, they’re BORED. And you’re doing nothing to affect it.
The butthead who made this comment, he’s blaming his woman for the lack of sex drive. Take a long, hard look in the fucking mirror, first. And then ask yourself why you’re so damned threatened by the notion of having your woman actually understanding her own sexual organs.
And women, speak the hell up. Why in god’s name do you not?
I was exposed to something at work today that just makes me shake my head at the state of the sexual union. God, things are fucked up in the world of sex these days. I’m not really into the whole reading-erotica/surfing-porn thing. I’m concerned about sex, and that’s why I write all this and seldom visit sex blogs. I’m on a mission, really. I think it’s time we deserve good sex, all the time. I think it’s time we learn to communicate about it.
Masturbation is the starting point. Then talking. Then practice. Then experimentation.
But guys like the above, they just want the third step. All the goddamned time. Unfortunately, these are the men (specifically the sexist breed above, I mean) who will NOT respond to a woman saying what she needs or wants. He thinks he knows, and that she’s just asexual. A good portion of men become excited when their woman wants to actually talk about sex, so don’t let this guy deter you. And if you’re with a man like this, you need to seriously consider whether or not that’s something you can live with – you sure as hell deserve better, but can you live with it? Better yet, why should you?
Jesus, I hate sexism. Thank god most men are smarter than that. You guys, I love, love, love. This guy, I wanna slap.
Someone thought this was an anti-male bashing. It’s not. I’ve been fortunate to have mostly wonderful, considerate, thorough lovers, and I’ve repaid them in kind — like it should be. There are women out there who are lousy, lousy lovers, and they piss chicks like me off, because they lower men’s drives to learn more about pleasing us. Sex takes two, and every position can benefit from mutual involvement. If you’re guilty of the “dead fish” lay-there-and-love me sex, women, smarten the hell up. You’re getting the lousy sex you deserve. I’m gonna rant on YOU on the weekend. I got something else up my sleeve next, to get back on the masturbation topic.

Decoding Feminine Desire: Yeah, Right

Okay, so supposedly you’re all here ‘cos this girl knows her shit, right?
I gotta tell you, though, I’m stumped. Seems a reader who simply goes by “Regular” wants to know how a man can then get his woman all riled in response to the posting below this one, A Few Ways To Get Your Man Rock Hard.
Would that it were so easy, my friend, but we all know women are complicated. Them’s the facts. Anyone who tells you different is full of shit. There’s no Magic 8-Ball easy-peasy decoder ring to turning women on. We’re a chore.
Women talking about how hard it is to understand men sometimes strikes me as laughable. The truth is, we got it easy. Your buttons are so goddamned easy to push. Whether it be stuffing your suit pocket with our panties after a ritzy meal out, or dropping our clothes in front of you, it seems like that’s all it ever takes.

Excepting the occasional so-called “dysfunction” episode, of course. I hate that word because it implies that guys should have a money shot every time a thought about sex occurs to them. What kind of fucked-up expectations are we encouraging here? Can’t they just be aroused on a different level for a change? Not if you listen to the goodly folk like Pfizer pushing a Viagra-sized solution on the masses. “A man needs a manly response,” seems to be the spin of the decade. Seems we missed the memo explaining intimacy sized up to a lot more than just seven inches rigid, or whether a chick comes.

Chicks, though, our hot buttons come from a world full of different places. For us, it’s not as visual as it is for men. It’s something almost intangible. A expression, a phrase uttered, that way you’re sitting all cross-legged and peering at us like you can see right through us as we regale you about our childhood, or any other number of absurdly impalpable means of getting stimulated. Or at least it’s that way for those of us in touch with our sex drives. We all know there’re some pretty fucking androgynous folks out there.
I’m turned on by everything from the way a guy sits with a guitar to how he focuses in on me in conversation. He can make me insane by delivering a hard kiss against the wall, or by lightly tracing a finger up my jeans as he approaches from behind, or by tugging me down to the ground for a hard massage that soon goes awry. I’m so fucking turned on by earnestness and honesty in a guy that I wish it could be bottled. Often, it ain’t nothing he does… it’s how he is that’ll draw me in.
I don’t know what the margin is for chicks who initiate sex, but I’m pretty fucking sure I’m somewhere near the head of the class. I like sex, and in a relationship, I’m not afraid to express the want to have it — in any number of ways and often, very often. This means I’m pretty in touch with my sex drive, and as such, I probably get turned on by more with a man than your average chick might. Maybe. I’m speculating.
I really want to hear from the chicks on this one. What do the boys do that really get you hot? How can they best press your buttons?
For me, it’s a guy that strokes my legs or ass in a really nice, intimate, gentle manner, just as we’re watching television or something. Over and over and over again. The longer he does it, the more I move towards Meltdown Mode. It’s a guy who shows absolute interest in me. Who leans towards me whenever I begin to speak, who hangs off my words, who drinks me in. If I get that, I’m absolutely fascinated. It’s about intensity and intimacy, and it’s no one thing a man does that makes me want to jump him. It builds, escalates, then implodes on me, and I attack.
In general, guys have all the tried-n-true methods at their disposal: massages, surprise candlelit dinners, a good pair of jeans that advertise your goods, a blanket and a bottle of wine on the floor before a fire, love notes hidden in her purse, biting her neck, and so on. As for specific make-her-want-me-now moves, I can’t really help you. I’m an odd duck.
So now let’s hear about it from readers. Well, girls? In what ways can a guy best delicately manipulate his fuckability factor with you? Hmm?
And guys, you could add a little more to the posting below, so we know what else we can do to/for you. Before you begin to feel transparent and all, just think, what’s the worst that could happen? You’ll give more chicks more means for knowing how to spell out “Fuck-me-now,-please” for your benefit. So, a little cooperation? Thanks.