Mutual Masturbation: Why to Rethink It

I don’t know if it’s the new rage, but there’s something pretty hot about it, you know? Sitting around, toying with yourself as someone repays you in kind. It’s the ultimate in voyeurism. You’re there, front and centre, watching – and satisfying yourself in the process of – someone experiencing the deeply personal act of giving themselves an orgasm.
I had a man recently ask me if – since I didn’t engage in sex-for-sex’s-sake sex – if I might be interested in masturbating for his pleasure.
Now, you have to realize that, before this point, this was one of the sexiest, most intelligent, and thought-provoking conversations I’d had with a man in a while. If there’s an iota of truth to the brain being the largest sex organ of all (and there’s plenty more than an iota to that) then suffice to say that I was about as aroused as I’d been in a while. (Unfortunately, he was married. I don’t go there.)
Some chicks look for big cars, some chicks look for big words. Which am I?
So, he asks me this. And I seriously considered it. I know it can be a really intense experience, if you can get behind the walls of bullshit we all conjure for the world at large, then yes, it’s a pretty intense experience to share with someone.
So, I was giving it due consideration, and then I realized that, for me, it would be as intensely intimate as fucking him would be, something I considered incongruous with my own ethics, as much as I really did want to do it. And I thought, wow, what a gift I’d be giving a guy I didn’t feel like I could afford to be that way with. Just, yeah… a gift, really.
The nature of masturbation, when you get down to the heart of it all, beyond that fleeting sense of ecstasy, that arrogance of knowing you’re always able to make yourself feel like that, the prideful sense of independence… beyond all of that lies the very, very simple truth of being literally absolutely naked with yourself. You think true thoughts, have real fantasies when you masturbate. I think there’s seldom a time in which we’re more brutally true to ourselves than when we masturbate… for good or for ill. It comes down to what it takes you to go there, the imagery you need to form, the thoughts that find their way into you.
To lie there opposite each other, and get there in the manner you would if you were naked and alone, it’s a very eye-opening, fly-on-the-wall kind of moment.
Yes, it can be incredibly hot.
But yes, it can also be incredibly weird. There are those out there who believe there’s no sense in bothering with the mutual masturbation – letting your partner start & finish fully without touching them, this is the definition of mutual masturbation. And they would be wrong. It really is about the ultimate in vulnerability with your partner. Not because you need to submit to their touch, but instead, you must submit to their scrutiny in your moment.
With that experience comes a different kind of bond than one just forged by sex and love alone. Vulnerable is the hardest thing to be in a relationship. I struggle with it. My independence and strength have been towers of power in my life, and to submit to vulnerability is to give up all that’s gotten me through to now. A small little seemingly insignificant act like mutual masturbation is enough to bring all that to the forefront. In sex, it’s easier to hide behind those eyes-closed moments.
Anyhow. I just need to clarify, as much as I believe mutual masturbation is a really important stage in your sexual evolution as a couple, and as much as I think it benefits on an emotional level, too, it can be a really intense emotional experience sometimes, and you sort of need to anticipate that, particularly if trust issues are something you’ve had in the past.
I honestly think, though, that it can do nothing but good for a relationship. And, hey, if you’re single, it’s truly safe sex.
In the meantime, please feel free to comment on experiences you’ve had with it, thoughts you have on it, whether I’m right / wrong, why, and if it applies, why you won’t / will be doing it anytime / sometime soon.

6 thoughts on “Mutual Masturbation: Why to Rethink It

  1. chelsea girl

    Go, Steff. You’ve been on a hott, hott buttered roll these days.

    What stamina! Color me all shades of inspired.

  2. sartre

    I tried it once. It was a little bit weird, because it multiplies the normal self-consciousness that being naked normally has. She was a fairly uninhibited woman though, and that helped me get over my inhibitions. Having “normal” sex was actually a relief after that. Of course, the fact I wrote that indicates that I was never going to be able to keep up with her wild spirit, so the relationship did not last that long.

  3. scribe called steff

    oh, dude, i can’t do the “googlewhack” site. i’ve done far too many drugs in my past to be looking at pages like that. a strange trip to the psyche, and the weird thing is, you know all those word-inventors are all people who’ve ironically don’t do drugs, but who simple need to get out more. heh.

    yeah, just a little intense there. weird.

    _ _ _ _ __ _

    personally, i find mutual masturbation odd — but i’ve always found that it’s a pretty interesting step to take with someone. you really sort of figure out where you are sexually with them in a hurry. obviously that was a downside for you, but hey. if the relationship ain’t gonna last, better to know sooner than later, right?

    _ _ _ _ __ _

    chelsea — one of my fave things to say is ‘butter me up and watch me roll” so i quite loved your comment. thanks. 🙂

  4. eccentrica

    I’ve never really been able to get into it. Partly for the reason you mention, that it seems a bit weird to have two people there who are both up for sex, but not touching each other.

    But also because masturbating properly is something I can only really do alone. I have to be on my own to have those orgasms where you really lose control of what you look like and sound like.

    If there’s someone watching me, even my long-term partner, I am aware of myself from the outside and I can’t prevent myself from performing, just a bit, for them.

  5. Tashe

    I remain awed by your very existance…I know I sound like a whacko but here’s the reason why…

    You are a perfect example of a women who KNOWS HERSELF, LOVES herself, inside and out. You are a woman who makes NO excuses for the person that you are and is authentic.

    …When you are coming into that self actualization yourself, you wonder if there is anyone else going through such a spiritual experience in the same way.

    The more I listen to you…

    …yeah, it’s that good! I can hear your tones and inflections. I hear your passion for your topic…

    …the more I’m sure that I am on the right path when it comes to discovering myself fully. I thank you for having had the insight to find somewhere to tell your stories, speak your truths so that others will stop, read and wonder…then they’ll do more for themselves and see such positive profound change. Become better, healthy, sexy, confident…

    Or they’ll squeeze themselves, deliciously sure that they were right after all…

    You did that.

    Well done.

    I’m hoping to achieve the same things you are…

    I walk by your side, hoping to contribute to the aquisition of “Magnitude” by as many women (Hell, and men!)as possible, by speaking my truths about this wonderful thing we call sex, lovemaking…and showing people how to incorprate it into their lives to make each day greater, brighter, wonder…

    I’ll tell you about the “Magnitude” story sometime…it’s a legacy over on this side…I taught my sisters about it early; they’re exceptional, my friends are outstanding because of it…I’m truly blessed, thus, I create…

    I would like to know you, you can contribute to my life…I may contribute to yours one day…

    “But today, I stand at your alter…”

    Thought you’d laugh.

    Shit, I got carried away…

    Mutual masturbation should only be expressed between two prepared to be authentic; comfortable in their own skin; sure and confident in their abilities and not ashamed about it Honey!, emotionally balanced people Period.

    If you have to do it and you’re pretending…shouldn’ta done it.

    If you’re struggling to stay aroused and in the moment…shouldn’ta done it.

    If you’re running to tell your friends about it and you couldn’t even make yourself come; when you know how; in less that 4 minutes; Dude, shouldn’ta done it.

    I can go on, but I don’t know how much space I got…

    From one writer to another,
    (I tell myself the more I say it (I’m a Writer) the more I’ll believe it…
    From, one writer to another…


    On, Money! Your shit is right on!

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