A Game For New (And Old) Lovers

Part of the fun of a new relationship is that of getting to know each other. We get to make a mental checklist. You learn their mannerisms, routine comments, favourite phrases, what their contemplative expressions are, how they look in that moment where they’re truly relaxed, and so forth. In the bedroom, it’s no different.
(But let’s be honest. The beauty of a great relationship is that you continue learning about your lover over the long term. Hell, we never stop learning about ourselves, so how could we ever stop learning about them?)
We forget, sometimes, how truly expansive the land of lovemaking is. It covers vast territory, and the amount of activities at our disposal is legion. Sometimes, it might be nice to have a map at our disposal.
Enter this little game I’ve thought of. Let’s call it “School Me, Baby.” It’s a lusty little literary exercise, the kinda thing that turns a geek like me on.
You and your lover go to the bookstore and you each pick out a book on sexuality that best appeals to you. Now, it’s not rocket science, this book-selecting thing. Most of them will cover all the basics, but the question is whether or not it covers the best for you. I mean, self-help books are like underwear; almost any will technically do the job, but which best fits you is a highly subjective matter. In this matter, you want to ensure that the book covers everything from foreplay to positioning. If you’ve got kinks, you may have to buy a second book to reflect that, too, so go right ahead.* Take the time to scan through books. If you’re not really pro at deciding what books work for you, simply pick one subject to look up in each; say, oral. Read. Whichever passage evokes the experience best for you, that’s the book that best fits you.
So, you pick a lazy Sunday morning, head into the bookstore together, and spend an hour or two just browsing through sex books in the corner together. Decide which one each of you wants to take home, buy them, and head back to the pad.
Now you get to either head home to read in different parts of the house, or you can separate for the day and read in different areas. The only thing is, you’re going to decide how much you’ll be reading, and if you want to, what sections you’ll be covering. (Foreplay? Oral? Anal? Kinky? Old-fashioned lovemaking? Something rougher? Waterplay?)
You’ll make arrangements to meet again soon – that night, the next – for dinner.
Between now and then, your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to read the required readings with a highlighter in hand. Anything that turns you on, gets you revving, or has you touching yourself, you highlight.
You can make an evening of reading the passages together, if you like, or you can trade books and get together again the next night, after you’ve done your homework. I think it’d be kind of sexy and hot to get a bunch of candles going, toss a blanket on the floor, scatter pillows about, and open up to, say, the highlighted section on oral. Naked, sprawled on the floor, the receiver reads the passage out to the soon-to-be-giver, and when the giver’s suitably inspired, they get down to work – possibly even while still being read to.
I have this image of the guy going down, hearing about, oh, say clitoral sucking techniques, and after he gives it a valiant try, looking up, and saying “Like that?” This is one of those times you can have a dialogue while you’re doing it. Have fun, exchange feedback, make it a game where you try slight variations of each technique, and see what one provokes the best reaction. Call it the “compare and contrast” segment of the evening.
Any which way, the point is that you learn from your lover’s perspective, in clear and certain terms, what it is that they find works for them, or what it is they’d like to experience.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, no two bodies are the same. There is no one surefire just-add-water instant-orgasm trick. Everyone has different needs, and for many people, it’s really hard to express exactly what it is we’re desiring. This is one of those little tricks designed to take care of those differences between us all.
Not only can you highlight what turns you on as far as having done to you, but you can also highlight, in another colour, the things you’d love to do to your partner.
You can buy the book for your lover, highlight all the things you’d like to have done to you, and put Post-It notes opposite those sections with little suggestive notes, such as, “And in return, I would pin you down, and then perform – turn to page 94.” On page 94, you’d highlight raunchier parts the passage of what it is you’d do. Use page tabs to mark sections.
When reading your lovers’ book’s highlighted passage, if anything smacks of something you’d like to experience that wasn’t covered in your own book, underline it and mark the page for your lover.
As mentioned above, there are kinks in the world. Kinks are made, not born, and if you’re entering a new phase with your lover where kinks are something you’re wanting to explore together, starting that phase with an exercise like this, except using books focusing on BDSM and other alternative lifestyles, might ensure you’re both on the same page when you’re starting out, or give you an overview of the possibilities the new lifestyle you’re considering might offer to you as a couple.

12 thoughts on “A Game For New (And Old) Lovers

  1. Jim

    Wow! Your prose is enlightening, provocotive, and voluminous (without being overpowering or inducing ennui). The capaciousness and accuracy of your journalistic ramblings lead me to suspect (this only relates to the physical aspect of your postings)
    a) You are the fastest touch typist on the face of the planet
    b) You spend every waking hour at the keyboard
    c) You have one of those voice to text programs, and just speak your mind at will
    d) None of the above

    In any case, keep up the good work. After reading your blog I have the strength to cary on through the rest of the day, even though I am surrounded by sycophants, idiots, and arrogant jackholes.

  2. Anonymous

    You are the most invigorating writer I can ever imagine! I can’t wait until the next day to read your blog. You are so down to earth and believe it or not everything is so true! I wish you were MY girlfriend…. keep it up girl!

  3. vagueBoy

    That idea fucking rocks!!! Makes me wish I had a girlfriend to try it out with. But I will be keeping it in mind for future reference.

  4. scribe called steff

    Jim — I do type at a decent clip, but it’s not like I plan the posts out or anything. I generally know what I’m thinking of and fortunately think in a linear manner. But I force myself to write daily. Work ethic.

    Glad you enjoy it. 🙂

    Anon — LOL. Thanks. 🙂 I’m glad you’re a regular reader. Down-to-earth? Nice compliment, thank you.

    Vagueboy — Heh. 🙂 Yep, make a mental note… or maybe you could have a little fun hunting the book down now for when you land a chick?

    MC & Anon — Coolio. Glad you’re both liking it. 🙂

  5. scribe called steff

    April — Thanks. I’ve never gone for the experimentation into the realm of the BDSM lifestyle, personally, but if that was something I began thinking of exploring with a lover, I’d definitely want to have parameters to work in — not only for the safety factor of kind of knowing where I was going, but for the anticipation of knowing it, too.

    It’s like travelling; sometimes it’s easier to look forwards to your trip abroad when you know where you’ll be visiting and staying.

    Or so I think. The trick is, leaving enough flex for change.

  6. scribe called steff

    Anytime, baby. Thanks for the question, since it got those wheels turning.

    People need to realize that comments and questions are so damned important in this realm of give-and-take blogging. We’re different from the regular media in that you have a very, very easy way of interacting with us and creating the direction in which we take our work.

    The question is, is that important to you, the reader? It’s sure important to me, the writer.

    So, thanks.

  7. Miss Syl

    A fabulous, very hot idea. And very steamily described, too. Thanks.

    Kind of reminds me of this “sex experts” show I saw on HBO where they had a couple make lifesize body tracings of themselves on paper and then mark up all the areas where they like being touched, and all the ways/techniques they wanted to have that part touched. Also marked all the “stay away from” areas. Then the couple got together and looked at their “pleasure diagrams” together. You could see them getting turned on just by the conversation.

  8. Haaaaaaa

    I finally read this. Thanks for pointing it out. What I really like here is the non-threatening way you can communicate what turns you on. My wife has a hard time verbalizing her turn-ons. This would be a good way for her to check them off and have me read them.

Comments are closed.