Things I Love to Do, and Can, 'Cause I'm Single – #7

Note: If you’re wondering why the list started at #6, it’s because I thought “sleep in, get drunk, masturbate, burp, and wear pajamas for the whole day” were really obvious as a solid lock for the top 5. I mean, really, come on. They’re universal. We’re not proud that we like to be that way sometimes, but we secretly love to do ’em all. And on the same day? Ha, yeah, score. It’s the Catholic way to sin: In a bunch, so you can be penitent all in one shot and get the guilt over with sooner. I thought it only fitting I take a moment to acknowledge what should be obvious but, in the Puritanical age we sometimes seem to live in, may well not be obvious, in tribute to the dear departed George Carlin, who I know would really understand.

Saying “My holiday can’t end this soon!” and sleeping in till 8 on a Monday, then casually cycling to work at 11 after an eggs-and-sausage brekkie, and getting home at 8:30, with supper getting on the table around 9:30. Like I did today and tonight. πŸ™‚

5 thoughts on “Things I Love to Do, and Can, 'Cause I'm Single – #7

  1. Anonymous

    Now see, if you find the “right” partner, then…
    Sleeping in, getting drunk (having someone to hold your hair while worshiping the porcelain god is priceless), burping, and wear pajamas (or nothing) all day… apply to some of the top things about being “in” a relationship.

    If it’s a really really good relationship, then masturbation should be moot 90% of the time.

  2. Scribe Called Steff

    Anon, you know what? I get that, I appreciate where you’re coming from, but that’s just another “Yeah, well, you can do that in a relationship” thing that, those of us who are trying to celebrate what we think are good things about single, since single is what’s on our plate and we have the choice of either being pissy about it or celebrating it, and your comment winds up just being another depressing “Well, it works great in perfect relationships” thing too.

    So fucking what? I mean, no offense, but of course it’s great with the perfect partner.

    I’m just sick of people assuming that folks like me, who are celebrating aspects of their conspicuously simplified life, are idiots that don’t understand these things have values in relationships, too.

    I mean, fuck, it’s like someone’s gonna turn around soon and say, “Well, picking your nose is so much better in a relationship!”

    Sigh. πŸ™‚

    And, yeah, masturbation should be a moot point in a really good relationship MOST of the time, but there are things to like about NOT having sex, too, and not having to sleep on the wet spot, and not having to make sure both parties enjoyed themselves, and all that shit that is usually wonderful but sometimes wears thin.

    So, in very long and made now very short: Please don’t rain on my parade.

    Y’know? But thanks for the comment. Ha ha. πŸ™‚

  3. Scribe Called Steff

    Okay, so that was a little harsh, but hey, it’s one of those times when I’m feeling a little inundated with the whole “Wow, so if things are going so well, you should start dating!” crap and they just don’t get that, a, as much as I’m attempting to do the whole flirty thing and seeking online and all, that, b, I have not got the energy for a relationship, so contenting myself with being single makes my life a lot less challenging right now.

    I mean, I’m trying to make myself thin… not spread myself thin, and it’s important we know when we’re not ready to give what should be given in a relationship, for whatever our convoluted reasons.

    So getting reminded once again that everything’s spiff and good if it’s a good relationship makes me a little bitter on a few fronts. Mostly because I totally know you’re right, and although I want THAT, I’m not willing to put up the bullshit that comes from all those OTHER relationships I need to fucking trudge through to get there.

    So, for now, I’m doing the single thing, and I’d like to, on my own blog even, kind of indulge the fact that my sometimes sucky single life does have its small joys.

    There, I explained it better.

    Harsh, but it’s still how I felt when I first read it. This is some salmon and chocolate chip cookies later, so I’m feeling a little more placated. πŸ˜›

    Also, yes, as I say alllll the time, I’m keeping my options open, and even hoping I somehow stumble into something fantastic, but in the meantime, I’m not gonna apologize anymore for enjoying what I can while I’m single, and I wish we single types could say so every now and then without being reminded that being “two” means doubling your pleasure. We’ve all taken remedial math. We get it.

    So apologies if I offended ya, but try to understand.

  4. Brian

    #8 rule the tv
    #9 walk around home naked
    #10 leave the toilet seat up (or down if you are a woman)
    #11 Let the washing up slide a day (or two)

  5. Anonymous

    so, I had a feeling… and brian makes a very valid point with #8 and #10. not to mention
    #12 the food in the fridge is yours and yours alone, and
    #13 don’t have to “check in” if you decide to take a detour on the way home.

    Truth be told, I miss being single sometimes (especially when it was pre-kid), which opens up the whole new ball of wax on the benefits of being single.

    The point is, happiness comes in many different forms and doesn’t matter if it is table for one or table for ten. It is what fits the individual(s) in that moment of their life.

    I take no offense in your harshness. Relationships are, I think, an effort no matter how “right” they are and in this game of life, it is good to be in the crowd watching the rest of the crazy people playing. I know for a fact that my relationship has definitely had some rocky points- and in those moments, I am envious of your current situation.


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