Social Media: What Not To Do 101

I’ve pissed a few people off on Twitter this morning.
Even people I like and have considered buds. It happens.
And, no, this isn’t an apology, because I think offense was either a) wrongly taken or b) deserved, depending who’s doing the saying.
I ranted about business-types and how keen they are to ladle praise onto their colleagues or companions, but how little genuine thanks gets expressed for the Little Things.
Like anything sandwiched into 140 words, a lot gets painted in broad strokes, and people get hurt, and I’m sorry for some of the offense I’m sure is being felt right now. But I don’t think it makes my point any less valid or needing of saying.

As an example, I’d like to tell you about my youth and a friendship I had then.
Me, I was 13, as was my friend Joyce. Everything I was, Joyce wasn’t. I was insecure, unsure how to act with others, and generally fumbling through my life. I had this habit of saying sorry for EVERYTHING — way more than my Canadian passport demands.
Joyce one day said to me, “No, you’re not. You’re saying sorry because you think it’s expected. When you say sorry every single time you do something, it makes the word mean less. When you really do need to apologize one day, it won’t mean anything, because you’ve given it all away so freely. Sorry, sorry, sorry.”
I’m pretty sure Joyce didn’t say it like that, but my 36-year-old mind remembers it that way. It hit me like a brick. She was absolutely right. If I was sorry all the time, I was never really moved by that sorriness, right? Sorry was just my state. *I* was sorry.
That’s what “daytime” Twitter strikes me as, when everyone’s bouncing around platitudes about their favourite service folk, et cetera.
And you know what?
As someone who’s not selling anything, who is a member of the buying public, if I think these service-provider tweets praising colleagues, exalting services they received as a business exchange, et cetera, SOUND inauthentic, isn’t that a point of concern?
I’m pretty “average person,” you know. My money gets spent, too, and it ain’t loyal ‘cos someone on Twitter says so — it’s getting spent wisely.
And this is the problem with using social media to drum up business. It can hurt you as much as it can help you.
Social media for business needs to be authentic. It needs to have credibility. It ALL reflects on you.
If you haven’t got the authenticity or credibility, you just sound like any other company pouring on the syrup in advertising.
Don’t kid yourself. Just because you’ve got a personality and meet people in the flesh doesn’t make you have one iota more credence than Coca-Cola or Ford. Not until you’ve proven it, not until you’ve genuinely connected with people more than a 30-second latenight commercial does.
But back to authenticity.
At the risk of not making anyone paranoid, let’s pretend I’m all rah-rah keener about my good buddy who I think makes THE best pancakes in the world.
If I tweet several times a week, “@PancakeFlipper makes THE best pancakes in the world!” or “No one makes me better pancakes than @PancakeFlipper can!”, then it loses ALL power. I’m not SAYING anything. It means NOTHING. It’s just words.
It’s like any kind of writing. Don’t TELL me, SHOW me.
“BREAKFAST! I can’t decide whether I should have the blueberry or the maple, because @PancakeFlipper makes it all so damned good!”
That gives @PancakeFlipper’s service value, and your TWEET a point.
My whole rant this morning began when I took offense at a friend asking for advice about something, and I took the time, like I always do, to give the advice sought. Then, I didn’t get a reply or a thank-you.
Yes, I take offense to that. Why? Because I’m old-fashioned and I believe in etiquette all the time. What are some etiquettes I live by I think should become eponymous in social media, too?

  • I might be mouthy. I may swear constantly. I may say THE most inappropriate things — and say them very, very well. But you know what I don’t do? I don’t not thank people. I don’t deliberately offend people. And when I know I’ve offended someone, I will almost always apologize. I might not take back what I’ve said, but I’ll try very hard to at least be sure I’m understood, so that if offense remains, it’s for the right reasons.
  • I have incredibly high standards for how I treat others and how I behave with my friends. I expect others to meet my standards. The good news is, I meet them too. But if you don’t? Tsk. How most of us judge people, whether you like it or not, is through little events in life. Are you on time? Are you grateful when it’s not a big deal? Do you treat little people well? That sort of stuff.
  • I don’t flatter people needlessly. When I do praise someone, you KNOW I mean it, because I say it so infrequently. I won’t kiss your ass, retweet your stuff mindlessly, or say how much you rock.
  • I don’t give my stamp of approval willy-nilly because I know it reflects on me. Until you have proven to me that you’ve earned my approval, you probably won’t get it in a public way. No one comes back to bite me in the ass, capiche?
  • I want those who get my stamp of approval to feel like they’ve earned something. I’m not rich, I’m not famous, but I’m authentic, and when I say something, I say what I mean. Hence, Steff’s Stamp of Approval is oh-so-rarely given.

If you’re using Twitter and the like to drum up business, you better be aware that you’re not the only mouthpiece out there.
If you’re constantly lauding praise on “friends” in business, you better be sure your business practices are impeccable. If you fuck up, if you hurt clients or business relationships, all those people you’ve been singing the praises of, it tarnishes their reputation as well.
For most, this isn’t a worry. For some, it should be. There are those out there that would make me cringe if I received their approval, because we play from a very different rule book.
What else do I mean when I talk about “authenticity”? Hmm. Let’s see if I can nutshell this.
Happiness: Put a lid on it. Too much of a good thing is too much.
There’s a lady in my neighbourhood that I feel more sorry for than anyone — I think she had an accident and can never stop smiling. Seriously. Her eyes are so tragic, but her face has this awkward strained smile ALL the time. I’ve lived here for 10 years and that smile and sad eyes have never, ever left that face.
Imagine, never being able to show displeasure? Well, that’s what some people on Twitter seem like.
For some reason, when I think of all the happy-happy frou-frou types who are only ever cheerful, only ever singing the praises of others, and are never, ever authentic, I find myself thinking about the Dalai Lama.
See, one time I saw the Dalai Lama admit that he ALWAYS looks in people’s medicine cabinets when he visits private bathrooms. He’s fascinated by the reality behind that door. This makes him, among the holiest and most unattainable of men in the world, human. He’s nosy. He looks.
I’m pretty sure that when the Dalai Lama stubs his toe, he says something colourful, too. Because he’s human.
And that’s what some people are missing on Twitter. Humanity. Have a bad day. Share something boring you were thinking when you brushed your teeth. Be real. Look in the Twitter medicine cabinet, then comment about it.
And if you have something nice to say about a person, say it with meaning — give it value by showing us an example of why they’re awesome, like with @PancakeFlipper.
After all: Words are cheap, why should I buy yours?
Finally: I don’t care that we live in a faster, more harried world. You’re not entitled to my time. When I give you the advice or help you seek, then say thank you. Acknowledge it. Acknowledge anyone who takes the time to help.*
Life’s getting pretty stupid in the 2010s. Everyone’s on their hamster wheel, running like mad, seeing and doing all the same old shit, so lost in their days and ways that they forget what life was like when it wasn’t all about getting the next commission.
Stop it. Stop it now. Be real. Be grateful. Be genuine. Be present.
Otherwise, this whole social media shit’s going to the dogs.
*Sometimes, I get so many Twitter replies — I mean, I have 3,000 plus followers — that there’s no way I can thank everyone individually, but I do say general thanks in my stream, and would hope it’s noticed.

8 thoughts on “Social Media: What Not To Do 101

  1. Jason Tryfon

    Thank you, for the below as I needed it. I have no idea whats going on right now for you, but for whatever reason I was meant to see your tweet and link to read this. Great, great, great article.
    Thanks, Jason.
    “Life’s getting pretty stupid in the 2010s. Everyone’s on their hamster wheel, running like mad, seeing and doing all the same old shit, so lost in their days and ways that they forget what life was like when it wasn’t all about getting the next commission.
    Stop it. Stop it now. Be real. Be grateful. Be genuine. Be present.
    Otherwise, this whole social media shit’s going to the dogs”

  2. Susan

    Right on! The suck-up factor can be huge on Twitter. Sometimes I wonder if it’s better to DM “thanks” or just use an @ reply – but I believe thanks is an important word said far too rarely. That’s why I force my son to write thank you cards for all gifts! No sucking up intended, but I love your tweets because you’ve got the huevos!
    .-= Susan´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.

  3. artsyshell

    I find Twitter so confusing. I have so much too say regarding your post, (and no it’s not negative, it’s just my side as I understand it). Unfortunately twitter doesn’t give the space to convey anything, and I’m not sure how much space is allowed on the comment section 🙂 I would need a lot though!
    One minute it’s said don’t convey anything negative, don’t be a downer, unless you have something positive to support it with.. Then if you say something positive, it’s too positive, and one shouldn’t be so perky.
    If I’m promoting my work, it’s cause I genuinely like/love what I’m promoting. (can’t speak for everyone). I don’t get paid to talk about my work, or promote anything. I do it cause I genuinely love and believe in where I work/what I do. I do it on my own time. Was told I could twitter from work, but when I’m at work, I’m busy working. Would rather do it at home, on my own time. If I left my job or got fired, I would still promote it, because I think it’s a great place. I don’t mean to antagonize anyone, but there are also a lot of foodies who follow me who are interested. I can’t speak for other businesses /promoters. If I promote someone else it’s because after tweeting with them for awhile I feel they are valid people with respectable companies/businesses and I’m willing to share.(I don’t tweet about a busisness I don’t believe in).
    I carry on a lot of DM tweets,as I am sure do many other people. Everyone I have ever tweeted with has been more than thoughtful, thankful and genuine in my opinion, (granted that doesn’t mean a whole lot).
    I wish you could be more specific, so I could understand more of what you’re trying to convey.
    Do some people irk me on here. For sure. Sometimes it’s just sporadic, sometimes it’s continuous. The latter I stop following, the former I ignore, when I need to.
    I know and am certain, I irk a lot of people with my tweets, but I’m just being me.
    One minute you say don’t thank people for things, such as #FF’s or following etc,then the next you’re telling people you’re irked cause they aren’t thanking. (not critisizing, just trying to understand).
    I’ve erased so many tweets, because I feel they don’t follow in the twitter criteria, or that people won’t like that I’m complaining, or being too positive, or I’m tweeting too much about promoting the company I work for etc.
    I’ve met a lot of amazing people on here, found new businesses to support/ frequent/use. Gained valuable information, as well as learned tons.
    I enjoy your tweets. The good/bad/negative, but sometimes I’m afraid to post, as I’m afraid to offend someone.
    Am I positive all the time…no. But I am mostly when I’m on twitter, and for sure when I’m at work. Even if that’s not how I’m feeling. A downer attitude, is going to reflect and bounce back downer attitudes.
    Yes it’s true. Whenever anyone says something is doing something wrong on twitter, I for sure think they are talking about me…
    I try to do everything in moderation, but being a talker, yeah, sometimes I overdo it.
    People like praise. It perks them up. If you’re having a down day and post about it. What is going to make you feel better? Me saying suck it up get over it..shit happens. OR..Sorry you’re having a bad day, hope it gets better soon. Everyone needs and loves that little mom pep talk, (At least I do).
    What I wrote isn’t an argument against what you’re saying. It’s my take on twitter an mine alone.
    Just trying to convey another side, and appreciate
    the fact that you take the time to convey yours 🙂
    (please ignore the lousy writing skills. 17 years at home as a mom, kind of does that to you ).

  4. John

    I WASN’T going to comment for fear of being labeled “gushy” but as someone genuinely interested in helping you find your voice and knowing that that ain’t going to happen by blogging to a dead stick I’m going to give my two cents…
    Twitter is as Twitter does. (forgive me for focusing on one specific brand of social media) I’ll admit I originally came on to Twitter with an agenda. I was going to promote my personal brand and fill my stream with crafty links that drove traffic to a still un-developed blog which in turn would drive traffic to my business entity and make my dream of early retirement a reality. Delusional I know… that went out the window right away. But rather than leaving I decided to stick around and see if I could make some new friends.
    I learn by doing…jumping in and taking part. I learned early on that on twitter, ultimately content rules…if you don’t have something to say then why take part at all. I also learned that engagement is a close second. Without engagement the beautiful potential that exists thru connecting like minds in a two way medium is lost as it becomes a broadcast medium.
    So is the state of social media. {Not at all professing expertise in the field…just being observy} Why is everyone so over the top and ge-golly just dandy thank you for asking and how are you doing? I gotta go back to the popular metaphor of twitter as a cocktail party. No one wants to spend hours listening to the guy in the corner talk about himself…or the nut bar who wants you to know about the wacky diet that they are on or the jock that only talks sports …individually they can get tiresome but collectively…that can make one helluva party. It’s up to you to decide what you do while you are there. Do you let yourself get drawn into a debate about the best tooth whitener? Do you get terribly offended when someone breaks off from conversing with you because an old friend of theirs has shown up? Do you blow off your good friends in order to meet new people?
    Like a rl networking event, everyone has their own reasons for being there. To meet new people, to promote their event, to catch up with good friends. And everyone makes their way through the crowd in their own way. And just like the drunk that sits in the corner with friends critiquing the choices of other guests…no one likes mister negative except maybe mr negatives friends…and sometimes even they get tired of him. You limit your opportunities to for meaningful engagement or even spirited debate by bringing “mean mug” to the table right off the bat.
    So imo the back slapping and the praise heaping is just part of the territory. Like it or leave it. I talk up my friends because I’d like to introduce them to some of my other friends. It’s up to them to decide if they want to engage or not. If they have a bad experience with one of my friends i know it affects my reputation to some extent but I don’t waste a lot of time worrying if friend A is going to piss off or annoy friend B. They are big kids…they can sort that shit themselves.
    As a mentor of mine says “take the best and trash the rest” It applies as much to what you get out of twitter as it dose with what you get out of life. Tired of the chatter…don’t listen. There are so many apps that allow you to squelch users if you tire of their posts without risking offending by following. {If that’s important to you}
    I agree that saying the same words over and over diminish their impact but that should not remove the sentiment behind them. If you’re a habitual thanker then u have to be crafty and think of other ways to express thanks. The perceived sincerity of that thanks is in the hands of the receiver…that’s their burden in a two way communication.
    Two cents…I’ll take change back if you don’t want it.

  5. John

    *”There are so many apps that allow you to squelch users if you tire of their posts without risking offending by following. {If that’s important to you}” Should read “UNFOLLOWING” $%*&’ing spell checker… no help for the truly stupid and lazy. 😉

  6. Kyle

    I started following you on twitter a week or so ago (based on a retweet of some kind, but I don’t remember who RT’d or what the actual message was). I noticed at the time that you had a blog, but when I looked over here at that point, I realized quickly that this was not the half-assed once-every-three-months type of blog that most people link to, and that I’d have to set aside some time to read through it (or at least read through a sizable chunk of it) so it went in my list of bookmarked “to read when I have the chance” sites. Then, today, you RT’d someone’s quote about friendships, and I thought I glimpsed the dim lightbulb of wit come on above my head, so I replied to you, “Snarky and angsty I can handle, but inspirational quotes about the nature of friendship kinda squick me. :-P”
    I sent it thinking it would be funny, but at the same time I had my misgivings. I was sending off this snide message to a perfect stranger in which I was criticizing the content that I had signed up for by following them. Not my best moment. I tried to follow it up with something obviously self-deprecating, but it’s been bothering me ever since. I’m sorry. I typically make an effort not to be sarcastic to people, especially strangers. I didn’t hold myself to my own standards this time.
    I came over to your blog to read and try to learn more about the person I had just been so rude to, and I find that your tweets, while entertaining, don’t do you justice. You’re more insightful than I expected, which makes my behavior feel worse. I don’t know if it will do any good, but I thought I’d leave this apology here (you do say in one of the other entries that you see all the comments, so I’m assuming you’ll get this). I’ll try to do it on twitter, too, but I’ve never been good at short apologies, so I figured I’d write it up somewhere without the extreme character restrictions. I’m sorry.

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