This one sounds really innocuous, until you start thinking of the implications of language. In reviewing my webstats just now, I came across someone who landed on me via this search string:
“How do I position myself when having sex with my honeymoon partner?” Honeymoon partner. Wow. Bet that’ll be an unbridled night of torrid passion. Honeymoon partner. Not lover, not mate, not even spouse. Honeymoon partner.
One should make love on a honeymoon, don’t you think? Not “have sex”? Unfortunately, I don’t know what page they landed on, since I’m too cheap to pay for a full stats package and the info switches over too quickly. Sigh.
If you can’t call the person you’re about to supposedly spend the rest of your life with your lover, you might want to double-think those vows. Lover. I absolutely love having a lover. Not just a boyfriend or a partner or whatever, but a lover. Doesn’t it just roll off the tongue? Don’t you get a little hot just thinking of the word? Isn’t it almost… tasty?
But having sex with a honeymoon partner? I mean, it sounds like there’s gonna be a chaperone standing in the corner, throwing out coaching lessons as they go.
“No, no. To the left. The left. There you go… right. Now again. Again. Deeper. Oh, come on, do it like you mean it. Deeper. Yep! That’s the ticket. Let’s have some more of that! Fabulous. You’re almost getting the hang of… oh, slippage. What a shame. Just when you were fulfilling your potential, too! All right, let’s try that again. From the top.”
Sigh. And this is why people need to stop overthinking things and go more with their feeling. Life’s too short to be clinical.
Rachel, of Wicked Ink, popped by here to inform me this morning that I’ve been tagged for a Meme. Now, I hate memes. “Answer ‘em yerself,” methinks, “But don’t drag me into the fray!”
But, since appeasing people’s a rather special skill I have, I thought, “Hey. Sure.” It’s a relevent topic, and I think I have a couple different twists to my list. So, I sat my ass down and spent the last half hour doing this. In keeping with my personal feelings about memes, I shall not poke others into the act of doing such a list. But, I invite any readers to do their own and to clue me in if they have.
Laughter – Must have it, mujst engage in it, must produce it. I was once with a man and during the coital act, some sound emitted – a particularly strange slurp or gloop sound – that took me by surprise, like some bad Foley F/X editor had laid a particularly weird sound effect over the sex act. Within a minute, I was laughing hysterically. My partner got all sensitive, even though I was saying, “Well, did you HEAR that?” and stormed from the bed, unable to see the humour. I was never aroused by him again, and the relationship ended within the week or so that followed. I just couldn’t get over his inability to exploit the moment. It was FUNNY. Life is filled with weird, awkward, breathtakingly odd moments, and if you can’t laugh them away, then get the hell away from me.
Sexuality – Must have a high libido and a creative drive. I’m one of those chicks who likes sex a lot (muchos, senior) when I’m involved. Short-term, long-term, just gimme some — every single day, usually. You’d think it’d be a wonderful thing for guys, but oddly, some just can’t keep up. It’d be nice to have someone wear me out for a change – and that I want him to be skillful, open to new experiences, and as much a romantic as I am is just obvious.
Intellect – I can be pretty irreverent and silly here from time to time, but I’m a smart chick and I need a guy who not only doesn’t get intimidated by that, but who can contribute to it by turning my lightbulb on to things I’ve formerly not been aware of. I love long conversations on the beach that hold out until sunrise in the summer. There’s an incredible sexiness about a man who knows things about the world at large, not just his chosen career. Woo me with vast knowledge about Ancient Incan mating rituals, how a star is born, and the dire news of the changing global warming scenario. Yes, it does turn me on. “My, Brad, what big brains you have…”
Compassion / Awareness – I try not to let my heartstrings dangle too loosely on this site. I was recently told that my vulnerable/soft side’s a really endearing thing to share with folks, but sometimes some things need to stay inside until the moment warrants it. I’ve been guilty of living that way, but hey, it’s my choice. It’s also something I’m trying to work on. But I’m a profoundly compassionate woman when the time demands it. I’ve been through a lot in my 32 years and I’ve been taught the hard way what difficulties and struggles can do to a person, and as a result, I’ve changed my worldview drastically. Pairing my eyes-wide-open view on the world with someone who’s lacking that, well, that’d just be dumb.
Creativity – Whether it’s in the bedroom, in making plans for the day, in the kitchen, in his humour and conversation, or in what he does with his hands, creativity is a huge, huge factor in my life. I take new and different routes to my destinations often, even though I’ve lived in this city all my life. I take ingredients in my pantry, mix them together, and invent meals I’ll likely never make again but were awesome for that one experience. I’ve painted and decorated my whole home. I’m a good photographer, I write in every genre. I’ve designed furniture I hope to one day gain the skills to build. Creativity RULES my life. A man absolutely needs to not only grasp that about me, but celebrate it for himself. (Creativity is living life in colour, folks. I long ago tired of grey, black, and white.)
Honesty / Virtue – I’ve been told that my honesty is disarming. Everyone knows I tell the truth. You want an honest opinion, I’ll give it to you – in real life or in this silly cyberkingdom. Honesty is what it’s all about. What are you scared of? Tell the truth and deal with the fall-out. I need a man who gets that I’ll be pissed if I catch him in lies, but if he tells me the truth, “Well, honestly, I just really feel like hanging with the guys and watching a game tomorrow, I just need to be a little stupid for the night,” then I’m almost always gonna let it go. It’s not an issue unless you let it become one, and the honesty is always a great thing to have. God knows he’ll be getting it from me.
Irreverence – I’m irreverent way too often, but I love the way it feels. It keeps me young, fun, and interesting. It keeps my brooding intellect in check, and allows me to still feel like I’m a rebel, even though the system bought and sold me long ago. It’s not just a behaviour, though, it’s a lifestyle attitude, and personally, I find irreverent men as sexy as hell. Sexy in the “oh, God, I wanna take him home and tie him up and teach him a thing or two” kinda way. There is just nothing sexier on a personality.
Articulate / Open – Well, that’s just asking for quid pro quo. I’m articulate and open, and I absolutely need a lover who can express himself and what’s going on in his world, or what he wants from me. I’m not asking that he be Deepak Chopra or Dr. Phil, I’m just saying that it’s hard enough negotiating the big bad world of relationships without having all the required information. The more a man communicates with me, the more I drop these mighty big walls I tend to have around me. If he’s open, expressive, then I will be, too, and moreso than him, likely.
Other things a guy needs to be: Somewhat motivated – not in the “I’ll be CEO by 36” kind of way that honestly makes me ill, but motivated in the sense that he knows what he needs for happiness, and he pursues it. Whether that’s playing guitar, swimming in competitions, cooking, whatever. There’re passions we all have, and doing nothing with them does nothing for us. And he has to be sort of active. I’m not talking “he scales mountains on Saturdays,” or anything, but yeah, he breaks a sweat and helps keep me in line, in bed and out.
Thanks for the Food for Thought, Rachel.