Let’s talk sex toys today. Specifically, I’ll be reviewing The Stubby G.
First, I want to explain how a few things work for all y’all, since I know sex-blog readers see these reviews all the time, and, personally, I see that 95% of them are positive, so I could understand how review-readers might skeptically dismiss us one and all as rabid sex-toy fans who love everything that comes our way.
What you need to understand is, there are a couple different ways sex toy companies operate. Some will contact bloggers and go, “Hey, want to review toys?” and when our broke asses reply, “Dude! Yeah! I need me some O’s!” they’ll send us a box of toys, it gets opened, and inside is a bunch of shit they couldn’t sell and now the poor sucker who opened the box is on the hook to review hundreds of dollars of piece-of-shit toys. I threw out the toys One Company To Remain Unnamed sent me a couple years back — they weren’t fit for my body, for reviews, for nothing.
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Tag Archives: sex toys
Christmas in July! Steff Gets a Big Box of Sex Toys!
Is there anything more fun than walking out a postal outlet knowing that, under your arms, is a big-ass box of sex toys, and no one there has a clue?
My local postal outlet’s in a 7-11. So there I am, walking out with a box of orgasms under my arm, and everyone else has got a Slurpee. Hardy-fucking-har. Enjoy yourselves. Clearly different notions of wetting one’s whistle.
The box, of course, was just your basic brown cardboard box. Within, however, were six sex toys and a nice big bottle of Liquid Sex lube. Yep, prepared for all eventualities now. A very exciting experience, receiving more than one GOOD toy at once.
The folks at Vibe Reviews asked me if I’d be willing to play around and write some reviews for them. No real rules, I can say what I want, yet I get the toys for free, and that’s that.
Which is good, because when I’m broke off my ass and barely getting by on what I’ve got now, the last thing I can afford to splurge on, sadly, are orgasms. Besides, I’m rather adept at, urm, “knocking one out” the ol’ manual way.
So, free sex toys? Score! Yeah, sure, I can do dat. Continue reading
Sex Toy Review: The Remote Controlled Egg
(Fun for everyone! I forgot that I have a few things in my stores I can post, like this review:)
You know I’m a fan of voyeurism, but sometimes the best voyeurism is the one where no one even knows what’s going down.
An egg, an itty-bitty harmless egg came in my mail lately, and while awaiting its arrival, I began hatching a scheme for reviewing it.
Wireless remote, I thought. Why, that means, have egg, will travel. But travel to where, I thought?
Well, I’d insert the bad little egg and I’d take on the world, I thought. I’d zip downtown, egg in use, scootin’ through the masses. But I’d remove the battery from the remote for the scooter ride downtown. I mean, really, like you wouldn’t want that thing going off on the main drag.
“But, Bob, I think that woman on that little scooter is having an orgasm. Oh! She is. Oh, my…”
Bob veers sharply to the left, killing the granny in the passenger seat of the Caravan. No, we would avoid tragedy today. Battery, out.
So, on a perfect early spring day: Beach volleyball. Shirtless men. Sand. Sun.
I found myself a comfy spot on the sand, took in the view, and got cracking.
Yes, it’s a bad little egg, but I’m a fan. This summer, my outdoors life just got a whole lot more entertaining.
And, hey, who says loverman can’t get me off in a crowded room, huh? This is the kind of toy made for outdoors, made for indoors, but the wireless remote control means things can get fun not only for me, but for he who wields the remote, while the fun’s still private.
Oh, wireless, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. “Quiet and discreet.” Oh, indeed.
(The only way I’d like this better is if it were multispeed. But, then, multi could get mighty annoying if it were, in fact, some party setting where your loverman was playfully controlling the remote, and you’re there trying to schmooze with some big-wig. Loverman’s flicking through speeds like a kid with ADHD. Can you imagine? “And yes, the product launch was more successf…. errr… um, well, more successful than we — oh! I’m sorry, it must be the shrimp. Oh, DEAR. I think I need to take a moment. I’ll be right back.”
Rights and Freedoms
Money, they say, is the root of all evil. Arguable, at the best of times.
Today, though, a coalition of 18 companies are telling us that they’re gonna put a stop to that tree of evil when it comes to child pornography. While child porn is, in my opinion, one of the worst things a human can be a part of, it’s also a multi-billion dollar industry. Where there is money, there is a way.
That coalition — including the likes of Visa, Mastercard, PayPal, Wells Fargo, e-gold, Microsoft, and more — has vowed to stamp out the commercial viability of child pornography. Payments to such sites will be halted. Cease and desist orders shall be issued.
I suppose I should stand up and cheer. Hurrah for the good guys! Instead, I’m sitting here thinking “What the fuck took you so long?”
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In OTHER news… more reasons to love living under the Maple Leaf. I was chatting yesterday with a new arrival here in Vancouver, an internet sex-industry business guy who’s moved to Canada to get out from under the repressive sexual climate that the United States is becoming.
He illustrated his point with this story. The gist is this. You can’t buy a sex toy in Mississippi.
A double-barrel shotgun? Sure! A high-power vibrator? Fuck you, you sick fuck! You’re gonna do WHAT with that thing? Up the ASS? Holy shit, you sodomizing sick son of a bitch! Henry, get me my rifle!
I just can’t even begin to understand how a country –that’s clearly smoking crack– can purport to be “the land of the free” and you can’t even buy a fucking toy to use on yourself in the privacy of your own goddamned home.
And where the fuck are the people? There are those who are out there saying what needs to be said. There are those trying to fight for freedoms for all of you, and maybe you don’t think the Right to Vibe is up there with the rest of your freedoms, but how can a line be drawn? You are free, or you are not. But where in the FUCK are the REST of you? Where are YOUR voices?
America is sometimes the greatest illusion in the world. There’s the dream of America, and there’s the reality of America, and sometimes some of us just wish y’all would open your fucking eyes and see which is which.
Demand your freedom. Demand that your government not just try to pose as the land of the free, but that it seeks to define laws that are inspired by the spirit of what your constitution claims that it is.
If there’s anything more heart-breaking than the APATHY of America today, I wish someone would tell me what it is. As a Canadian, it breaks my fucking heart to see the changing of your nation from across the 49th parallel.
Rise up and stab ’em with your plastic forks, people, ‘cos it ain’t getting any better any time soon. You have voices. Fucking use them.