Harnessing the Wind (or Something)
Hi, friends.
I am checking in from the eye of the hurricane here in Stefflandia.
One of my most recent posts alluded to the struggles of freelancing. Emotionally, I’d hit the wall after a really dark start to April, one that sort of shook the foundations of everything I’ve been working towards. Unfortunately, things got darker in the next week or so after that post.
For about a decade, I’ve had a saying: “Sometimes, you need to get uninvited from the party.”
Like, getting laid off from a job is maybe the universe saying “Well, shit, you don’t seem to be taking initiative to find the life you SHOULD be living, so how’s about I give you a hand and show you the door?”
For me, that “wrong thing” was that I kept praying for new freelance work. And it’s funny, you hear people talk all the time about creating your reality and “attracting” opportunities.
But the problem is – all that hinges on you KNOWING what path you’re supposed to be on. Sometimes, you’re on the right path for years and years, but then all the old things you did for success stop working, and nothing you do seems to right the wrongs.
That’s because it’s not the path for you anymore – there’s a new way forward, but you haven’t figured that out yet.
PHOTO: California poppies bedazzle a derelict house in my hood.
For me, that’s where I am. Turns out the old freelance path doesn’t seem to be the right path anymore. (Note: That doesn’t mean freelance is wrong for me though; it means the freelance I’ve been doing is possibly not right for me.)
So, I had a day two weeks ago where I hit the wall and let all my audiences in social media know that I was ready for new opportunities, especially that of traditional employment with full benefits.
Within a day, something popped up. And then a few days later, something else popped up. And then something else.
Now, I’m in a holding pattern. I have three distinct opportunities that are in three wildly different areas. But guess what? I can do ALL THREE and STILL have time for taking on the odd freelance project that makes my heart go pitter-patter.
However, I’m still in talks on all sides.
The good news is, I’m apparently dialed back into the “law of attraction” thing, since I’ve corrected my aspirations and have a different, better-for-Steff horizon in mind.
The bad news is, my brain feels like it’s the little white ball from the first-ever video game, Pong, bouncing off walls without a path forward.
(It’s a good week to get back into meditation and staring at the sea, basically, which I have indeed been doing much of.)
So, for now, I’m avoiding writing the Substack and all other things, just because, for me, the most impatient person in the world, it’s so hard to keep my head in the WE’RE DOING THIS headspace while my fortunes are in others’ hands.
Plus, all the negotiations and hoops – never mind the suspense and distraction -- have done number on my work productivity and I’m struggling to get caught up, hence neglecting this column.
I will be back, though, because I really love writing this letter. It’s fantastic fun and great therapy for me.
But all this distraction does not make for good writing right now. It is, however, a terrific headspace for baking breads and tending a burgeoning garden! This is probably why I have now made my first pita breads, ciabatta buns, and flour tortillas in the last two weeks. It’s also why I have consumed ALL THE CHEESE and you can’t find any on the shelves anymore. (hicc!) Oh, look, there’s some Velveeta I’m too snobby to eat, so you can have that – enjoy!
Sorry, eh?
In the meantime, keep your fingers crossed – I think the next two weeks will be fantastic for me. Here’s hoping! Thank you for reading. Please sacrifice a goat (mm, curry) or burn some sage in my honour.
Love Steff
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