Proof of Life! End Times? Nay.

A few times this year, people have alerted Meta that they’re “concerned” about me. Okay, but have you tried checking in, like normal humans do?

Hi! I’m Steff. I’ll be your blogger today.

I’m fi-i-i-ine. Just busy saving myself from the stupidity of being a menopausal woman.

[stares in exasperated woman]

It turns out that the whole Nazification Next Door thingie’s a real buzz-kill for marginal mental health. Holy heckin’ rage-coaster, eh, Batman?

And so begins this opus on a six-month mindfuck of my learning I am, thank the ever-lovin’ gods, a post-menopausal woman.

In hindsight, I was perimenopausal as a nomad. Turns out, perimenopause + multiple years of non-stop travel + a lifetime of untreated ADHD = sleep deprivation for a decade. Also, not great for mental health!

A year ago, I got on a sleep aid that was a mild anti-depressant. This spring, I was doing really well personally, sleeping well, & I got off the half-dose pill suddenly, without telling my doc.

My mood spiralled SO FAST. Having experienced such a thing once before, it was about three weeks before I recognized it was pill-related and got doctors involved. This was about May sometime.

So began a multi-month trip through all-things-health for me. We restored the pills, but over the next few months, they made my mood worse, which proved it wasn’t chemical. This coincided with learning I am actually post-menopausal, hormones likely out of whack.

We’re tackling both these things. A remarkable improvement.

An aside: I’ve learnt testing hormones often fails us because hormone levels constantly fluctuate and tests can easily be misleading.

talk therapy to me, baby

Through my constant self-advocacy, I now have a spate of weekly one-on-one counselling, plus an ADHD life-skills group. All for the grand total of not one cent. It’s effectively 3 hours of therapy weekly for 9 weeks. Whoo! Yeah, baby!

It’ll be a busy autumn, filled with self-learning and better living. But will writing fit into that? It may, it may not. Giving myself zero pressure.

We rarely, if EVER, get an opportunity to have so many people on our team at one time, getting us to a better place in life when we are ready for it, and I’m so HERE for it! So grateful, so present, and it’s all about me, this fall.

An orgy of self-growth. I’m all in! Fill me up with better livin', baby.

if i only had a brain

One problem of being a menopausal woman is endless brain fog. Oh, I loathe it.

Know how, in early movies, they used to schmear Vaseline on a movie camera lens for footage with that old-timey, dreamy feel?

Being a menopausal woman is like Vaseline has been schmeared over your entire brain so NOTHING is clear anymore. For a formerly intelligent, snappy, witty, fast, funny person becoming a blathering tool who fumbles every second word, it felt like going insane.

Seriously! So many women experience this brain fog and then panic about dementia, Alzheimer’s, and so many other conditions. In fact, it turns out HRT or hormone replacement therapy has shown to dramatically reduce women’s experiences with dementia and breast cancer! The earlier women get on it, the better their odds are.

I mean… I can TALK. I’ve given speeches! I’ve been on the radio! I’ve done TV! I’ve taught classes! I am good with words. But this past year? I’m a word-salading idiot.

Men are so lucky. Perimenopause begans a litany of afflictions of everything from dry skin to saggy midsection to cataracts to joint pain, random rage attacks, hot flashes, and so much more. Often, we’re told this is just us “getting older,” but it’s hormones ageing us prematurely.

And it can, in large part, be treated. Here in British Columbia, HRT is 100% covered by our medical coverage starting in March 2026! Good timing for me.

The problem, though, is women go to their doctors’ appointments with one complaint — can’t sleep, moods, whatever — and we get that ONE complaint treated, but it’s a symptom and not the cause.

That’s how I got treated for depression, not menopause.

But when I made a laundry list of everything and I sat there and read the whole list to my middle-aged female doctor, that was when she went, “Yep, this may be a job for estrogen.”

not my first mentally-healthy rodeo

The lack of braining ability of late has been a real drag, but getting into therapy at the same time as estrogen is kicking in is like being thrown a cerebral lifeline.

I’ve led a deeply examined life, so I’m not the usual therapy-goer. Part of the reason I recognized my mental struggles late this spring were not "real" but rather induced by something is that I'd become so proud of myself with what I’ve achieved, not just in the last five years, but over my lifetime.

Sure, I have no fancy job title, I carry debt, I keep a bit much to myself of late… but I’ve travelled the world, lost well over 100 pounds and kept it off for a half-decade, never compromised my ethics, and have always stayed true to myself.

I’ve made great strides in my finances while prioritizing a job where I can live on my terms, in a place I adore.

I am so proud of myself. In fact, this spring I found an old list of life dreams I wrote just before I found out my mother was dying, when I was just 25. I wrote that my life goal was simply to “live an interesting life,” and I’ve indisputably done that already.

I’d love to have financial security with more experiences than I presently do, but I grew up without money and modest means have been my life.

I get by. I lack nothing. It’s not a problem, you know? I shill for no one and my integrity is 100% intact every day. Not shabby.

so, hey, how 'bout them nazis?

As for Nazis and all those evils? Well, yeah, not a fan. Greatly concerned about the future. Absolutely. We should be! Yes.

But there’s nothing abnormal about being scared/concerned about these things. That's humanity at work.

If I can walk by the ocean and go “my god, what a sunset,” then that’s an indicator that the political world hasn’t overwhelmed me. I’ve the ability to seek balance, see beauty, feel present in a moment, and that shows I’m okay.

We should be worried. We should be alarmed.

But we also need to see beauty, enjoy music, cook delicious foods, hug friends, laugh, have lazy days, cheer on our team, and whatever else it is that makes us remember there's far more to our world than just the headlines.

It’s just like Samwise Gamgee tells Frodo when he’s unsure of getting the Ring to Mordor.

The world is worth fighting for. We can have better. And those motherfuckers won’t win.

But, for now, I need to do me.

better livin' with beans + vitamin sea

I'm learning so much! One upside to all this is all the testing I’ve done to get answers.

My bloodwork is phenomenal. Made of awesome, darlin’. After five years of better living, everything is where it needs to be. From blood sugar to cholesterol to blood pressure, I’m a model of health. But not hormones. Now we’re on that like white on rice, baby.

I am wildly optimistic about myself, my life, and my health.

I am wildly pessimistic about the geopolitical landscape of the next five years, especially Stateside.

These are not the oxymoronic. It’s a wild dichotomy to live with. Pessimism isn’t an alarm bell; it just means we have a heart and a brain, and we aren’t ignoring horrors in the world.

But there’s nothing to be hopeless about. Nothing is impossible. There are no easy paths to where we need to get to, but nothing is insurmountable either.

And whatever happens, think of all the historic eras people have survived. The genocides, the wars, the famines. People survive, and for a while, they become better. We’re cyclical, humanity. This is a downturn.

It’s not forever, and they will not win. (And you wanna be here when we make them pay.)

brain, perchance to brain again

My not writing here? Good for me. However, it’s also “not me” because I love to write, I love to blog, but it’s just been very difficult for me for a long time, because brain.

It’s so wonderful to know I’m not losing my mind. I’m just a menopausal woman who ran out of fucks to give. Estrogen has had a near-immediate effect(!), but it’ll be a while before it’s squared up so I’m back to myself all day, every day.

I already believe it will be life-changing for me.

our health is more than "one thing"

Let’s not kid ourselves. Female health is wildly understudied, underdiscussed, and underfunded. We know so little, and with the cuts to science down south, that’s unlikely to change rapidly.

I don’t intend to be the poster child for women’s health, but I do want to encourage women to make a list of EVERYTHING wrong with you and take it ALL on a list to your doctor, because, hormonally, there’s a good chance much of it is related and able to be managed. Show them the big picture of you.

And men, give women a break. We’re so fucking tired. Help a girl out.

[as arnie]: i shall be back!

Anyhow. I know: I’m not blogging, but I’m not invisible. I rant on Bluesky. I rant on Threads. I don’t post much to Facebook, and never to Instagram, ‘cos fuck Zuck.

But, these days, I’m doing well. I sit by the sea. I do good things for me. I never go a day without a smile or a laugh, somehow, I don’t think.

I’m proud of pushing for answers, of believing there’s a better life for me, and never giving up on trying to achieve it. I’m so close, too.

Worry about someone else. I’m fine!

I hope to be blogging again soon — if/when the brain fog clears, there’s nothing I’d like more.

before i go, some politickin':

1. No Nazi tattoo is excusable in this era of laser-removal, and you should fucking expect better of candidates.
2. If you can’t quote Ronald Reagan to Conservatives or Charlie Kirk’s own words without reprisals, they’ve lost the plot and they were never “Republicans”.
3. There’s never a wrong time to get on the right side of history, but luckily some of us (HIYA!) have always been on the right side of history.
4. Fascism always loses.
5. When someone shows you who they are, believe them — especially when thar be Nazis.
6. We are not safe from Nazis in Canada, and we must constantly put pressure on our politicians.
7. Postmedia is a threat to Canadian sovereignty and we must hound our politicians until this threat is made illegal.

Stay the course. Keep the faith. Don’t believe the lies. And don’t let your health suffer in this storm — take care of you, or you won’t be able to punch the Nazis when they come.

[boff-boff, punch-punch]