Viagra: It Won’t Solve Everything

I was amused this morning to catch a news clip revealing that American Idol‘s curmudgeonly judge Simon Cowell (“if it’s not black, grey, or pale blue, I won’t wear it”) rejected an offer by Viagra to be their new spokesman. Cowell said he was “offended” by the offer.

Good for him. I think Viagra’s too popular. It’s ridiculous.

There are men who really require it and I’m thrilled they have that option. A lot of men, however, simply don’t seem to be properly in control of their penises. It’s a muscle, guys. Learn how to make it stronger.

Christ. One of my friends back when once commented that the greatest thing he ever did for his sex life — and his penis — was to start taking yoga. Yoga* isn’t the sissy exercise it looks like, it’s hard, but it’s a mental thing, too. It teaches you how to isolate muscles, how to mentally focus on tensing and relaxing them — a skill many of us are lacking, even when it comes to things like simply knowing how to relax our whole bodies at bedtime, let alone how to fire individual muscles.

Instead of learning how to master penises, a lot of young guys are running to their nearest doc and trying to score Viagra. They want to think that because their penis is fired up and ready to go for hours that their lover’s somehow going to want exactly that.

Some women will, yeah. But I guarantee you, most women would rather be with a guy who’s naturally ready to go for that length, who can ramp his performance up and down to match the mood of his lover. Those women, when confronted with Energizer Bunny man who wants to fuck for hours just so he can say he did, will probably wind up making mental to-do lists of their chores around the house by the time he finishes his redundant fuckfest, since he’s so focused on just being a longtime lover rather than a good one.

The number of women complaining about “Vaigrafied” men will, I guarantee ya, be escalating in the future. Women physically need more stoking before the sex stage of the game, and given how many women can’t come from intercourse alone, this whole Manly Man How Long Can I Last game just doesn’t compute.

Yoga* is directly related to the ancient art of Tantric Lovemaking. You’ve heard about Sting and his magical penis that can have sex for hours and hours without coming? Sting does yoga, man.

But, no. I guess that’s too much work. Or is it just that? Maybe it’s just another symptom of our I-want-it-when-I-want-it flash-cooking, fast-food Instamatic society of ours.

We live in a society where everything needs to be fixed with pills. Pills should be our last choices. I know taking an anti-depressant was my last choice after nothing else I was doing made a dent in my horrible depression two years ago.

But men are running too easily to Viagra instead of trying to see what else they’re doing wrong with their lives that might be affecting their ability to stay erect. Bad diets can deflate penises. Being overweight can deflate penises. Not exercising can make a penis sad, too.

Is it a simple thing to overcome? No. Yoga’s hard. Eating well is hard. Exercising regularly is hard.

Being a good lover is hard. It is. It’s work. It’s being self-less and tuning in to what your lover needs. It’s ignoring your wants in order to deliver theirs. It takes focus, stamina, understanding, empathy, versatility, flexibility, time, patience, and, shit, even psychic abilities. Being a good lover takes time, man.

It ain’t about a little fuckin’ blue pill. If you’re running to a bottle of Viagra in the hopes that it’s going to save your sex life, the reality is, your problems are probably far more reaching than just a soft-too-soon weenie.

Yes. Some men really need to use it, and it’s recharged their lives like nothing else.

The rest of the men, however, really need to learn how to better use their penises. For that, they need: yoga, KEGEL EXERCISES**, a better diet, regular exercise, and the ability to understand that a woman’s orgasm is about her body and not just about yours.

**Kegels: Many online resources write about them only for women to do post-birth as a way of tightening up their vaginal muscles again, but this is bogus. Kegels are good for men and women of all ages and will help with your ability to control your orgasm. If you’re a woman unable to orgasm, this will help you towards that goal by empowering you to better control your physical reactions. If you’re a guy who doesn’t get hard enough, it will probably help you get harder, plus it helps your endurance (but if your cardio sucks, having a penis stay hard longer isn’t your ticket to ride, friends). Read about Kegels on Wiki, but try the external links at the bottom, or do a Google search for a Kegel method of exercising that works for you. Plus… you can do Kegels sitting at your desk at work. You can get paid to enhance your own orgasms. Lovely thought that, eh? Once you figure out how to isolate and fire your pelvic floor muscles for Kegels, firing the same muscles during yoga will further enhance the effect of Kegelling your way to better sex abilities.