Shades of Grey: Of Age and Happiness

Being the ever-watchful eye I am, I’ve noticed a disconcerting trend amongst the circles I travel in. Like most issues I tackle, this too is neither black nor white; instead, it’s many varying shades of grey…

…Hairs, that is.

My friends and I are now clearly showing we’re older, more damaged goods. Specs of grey appear weekly, like has-beens at the clubs we once frequented.

Now and then I avenge myself, pulling out the tweezers, I pluck the weathered-looking straggling greys out. I’ll usually max out at about 5 or so hairs, which tends to be all I can find (so this is no epidemic here) and then I wander off, pleased with myself that yet again I’ve turned back the hands of time.

Age: Foiled by the sneaky Steff once again! Tune in next week when we see what crafty devices our ever-youthful heroine employs against the dreaded arch-nemesis “Age”!

Weeks will pass before I notice new grey hairs. Conspicuously always in the same region…

Don’t kid yourself: If, in fact, once a hair goes grey, it will always come back grey, thanks to evil-grey follicles, then I don’t want to know! Don’t tell me the truth. Don’t rain on my mostly-non-grey parade. My ignorance is my bliss and I’m coddling it fiercely.

On the flipside, though, part of me is steadfastly thinking “Fuck dye! I’m not dyeing my hair, even if it is going grey!” Me, I like the idea of a little salt-n-pepper action. Sexy sage still-naughty librarian, that’s me.

Ahh, I’m torn… as, I suspect, are all who start finding that they, too, are slowly being turned toward The Grey Side.


But maybe I can put the tweezers away after all.

Last month, the good folks at the University of Chicago released a study that says people get happier with life the older they get. Except for the baby boomers, who are all apparently about 7.2 minutes away from a bell-tower with a shotgun. They’re discontented and too driven, it would seem, them baby boomer types.

The secret to getting happier with age? The old folks say it’s pretty simple: Appreciate what you have, and worry less about what you don’t. Hang out with people, take life easy, and you’ll find it’s good.

Huh. Who’d have thought it was as simple as that? Yeah, right, simple.

Overthinking stuff’ll getcha every time. Cut out the overthinking thing and we’ll all just be hunky-dory. Consider it. People stop overthinking things, just accept things, and see what it does to society.

  • All of a sudden traffic accident numbers will radically decline.
  • Women will stop being distracted in sex and will orgasm better, easier, and every time. Ch-ching!
  • Politicians will just do their jobs instead of trying to work every angle.
  • We’d start doing what we want instead of “what’s best”. Fast-food stoner jobs will become the rage with over-40 types, a la American Beauty.
  • Dr. Phil could simplify his show even more to a blurb about someone’s stupidity, then he confronts the guest with, “That’s just dumb! What the hell are you doin’ that for?” and the guest could say, “Because I’m dumb?” Phil would blurt, “Well, stop!” “Okay.” Then the show would be over.

But that’s just ludicrous… People no longer overthinking? Ending the distraction? Accepting things? Being content?

It’d be terrible for reality television, and that’s just for starters. Think what could happen to my wee blog! No, I think the art of overthinking is too advantageous to our society. A happy world? What a droll, dull idea. People will never buy it. Just the old and feeble types will fall for such a silly notion. Happiness. Silly fools. What next, pride?