The Top Five Reasons to Lose Weight in a Recession

As you may or may not know, I’ve lost 75 pounds and replaced my wardrobe completely at least four times now over the last 20 months, as the economy has slid deeper and deeper and the sales grown far more vast and everpresent.

Being a lowly writer-type girl who works to live rather than lives to work, which is to say she works as little as possible, I thank ze gods for the recession because it’s saved this work-to-live ass from overtime.

And being a lifelong David Letterman fan, I like his lists. But I’m an underachiever. So here’s the Top Five Reasons to Lose Weight in a Recession.

5. Veggies & fruit are trendy ‘cos you can grow ‘em & they’re cheap, so a Krispy Kreme sneak-attack is less likely. And a banana is 32 cents, score.
4. I smell a liquidation! When better to replace a wardrobe with all those pounds lost?
3. You can’t afford to have a life, but you can afford to jog.
2. When you can’t afford to eat out, it’s so much easier to avoid restaurants & their evil hide-the-fat ways.
1. Thinner, you get drunk faster. Here’s where being a cheap drunk pays, baby!

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This entry was posted in Humour, Hygiene & Health, Life 101, Specifically Steff, weight loss and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Trackbacks are closed, but you can post a comment.

2 Comments

  1. Posted August 6, 2009 at 10:18 am | Permalink

    Another one:

    Can’t afford cable anymore, so best to spend time outdoors walking endlessly to make yourself look busy.

  2. Posted August 6, 2009 at 10:32 pm | Permalink

    Heh. I’ve started jogging (its been three weeks! Whee!). It was for health, to quit smoking, to aid in my weight loss.…and because I already owned a pair of sneakers and a sports bra. Fuck going to the gym.

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