The Man’s Guide to Cunnilingus: Pt. 1

I had an anonymous request to do a companion guide for my “Good Girl’s Guide to Giving Great Head,” so here we go.

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. Oral sex is best when it’s a long, dedicated endeavour. If you want a quickie, then fuck and be done with it. If you want oral like it should be done, then take the scenic route.

Remember what I say: The devil may be in the details, but so too is the orgasm.

But it’s a two-way street. Chicks, if you want your man to really take his time, then the muffro’s got to go, baby.

Muffro? Self-explanatory, isn’t it? A little term I’ve come up with for the bushy, unshaven twat kept by a segment of women out there. Sure, there are guys who don’t floss enough and might benefit from it, but really… Muffro’s just gotta go.

If your chick does need shaving, but it’s something she does do herself most of the time, don’t be afraid to offer to help. Break out the electric shaver and ask if she’s open to having you do a little gardening for her. Trim that bush. (A tip? Obviously you’re removing hair — do yourself a favour and place a pillowcase or towel underneath her midsection before you go to work. When done, just wipe away the lingering hairs between her legs and crumple the towel and toss it aside. Now you’re ready to proceed.)

Remember that “two-way street?” There are hygiene issues for men, too. Make sure your nails are short and filed to a nice, smooth edge. You can’t possibly imagine how tender areas of the vagina can be, and those nails are a huge issue for some of us. I’ve given a man a manicure to prevent pain later. Don’t be afraid to offer such services to your man, chicks.

I had one reader mention how he and his lover (also a man) often use rubber gloves when exploring the more sensitive regions of their bodies. I can see how this would work, but it’s the quick’n’easy cure to an otherwise easily remedied problem via the above-mentioned manicure servicing. Rubber gloves, for me, are far too fucking clinical for what should be a passionate experience. It’s bad enough we have to wear condoms (not a negotiable item in any casual experience, period) but to increase the amount of clinical latex in the experience? I say no.

Fact is, sex is usually about skin-on-skin contact. Don’t be a lazy guy. Take care of your hands. Make sure you use hand cream from time to time, and make sure those nails are of insertion-level standards.

And what about beards and facial hair? A closely-trimmed goatee can be exciting for me. I sorta dig that. I also love it when a guy’s got two- or three-day stubble. It gets me, personally, really hot. The downside? It’s a little abrasive and I can’t take as much oral as I might otherwise receive. (But there’s a lot to be said for that aggressive, quicker experience on selective occasions. God, is there.)

A clean-shaven face is the safest way to go. Soulpatches can also be a total turn-on. Conversely, not mustaches so much. Because of the way the mouth and lips move, the soulpatch can stimulate all the right areas, but not overly so, since there’s so little hair to worry about.

Another issue not often brought up can be that of chipped teeth. Many chicks can attest to the great sensation of having their clit nibbled. Chipped teeth, though, can make this an unpleasant experience with that rough edge messing up what might have been a really hot experience.

If you’re new to the act of nibbling clits, I’ll say the same thing to you as I’d tell any chick teething a guy’s cock. Not every chick will enjoy this. Inquire as to whether it’s turning her on. If so, then have at ‘er. If not, then sucking will have to do.

Now, let’s move on. Should she be seated, lying down, or on your face?

A lot of guys have this fetishistic love for chicks sitting atop their faces as they eat her out. All right, I can understand it, but let’s face it: It can be murder on a chick’s thighs to stay there too, too long, and it takes a hell of a lot more concentration on her part. It’s often more for you than for her, since lying down allows her to just give in to the sensation. If driving her wild’s your destination, then keep that in mind.

If you want to do all-out, intensive exploration, let the woman lie down. Let it be all about her. The reality is that you don’t have to be in that same boring position with your head perpendicular between her legs. You can vary the geographic approach a little, even if you are horizontal, and I’ll get to that later.

First of all, though, an important thing guys need to realize is that there’s a reason it’s called “oral sex:” Because it needs foreplay, too.

Don’t just undo her pants and sic yourself on her. If you want a night where you drive her wild, I recommend the massage-to-oral transition for guys, as well. (I referred to that technique in the Girl’s Guide, too.)

If you don’t know, there are flavoured/edible oils out there that really make massage a delicious way to arouse and relax your partner simultaneously. The folks at Kama Sutra (the brand name, not the centuries old guide to the art of Tantra) make a number of sumptuous oils, like Cinnamon Spice, Raspberry Kiss, Ambrosia, Cherry Almond, and a couple more.

(Kama Sutra also has a nifty 5-oil sampler pack so you can have a smorgasboard of tasty experiences. Here’s just one of many retailers selling it online, just so you can see what I mean. These prices are very good. Kama Sutra products are awesome. Something that can do wonders for the yummy-factor of your skin, for either sex, is dusting with their Honey Dust before you meet your lover for the night. It leaves your skin tasting sweet like honey, particularly after you start getting a little hot and bothered. Very erotic and really helps bring out the carnivore in a lover.)

If the notion of giving a “good” massage leaves you with a little stage fright, then how about some pointers?

If she’s already willing to be naked, then get that out of the way. We’re picking up there: She’s naked, stretched out on the bed. An auspicious start, yes?

You can either be at her side or seated atop her bottom. The latter gives you better leverage and a more useful angle to do your work from. Plus, it feels good for both of you and always heightens the arousal aspect ever so slightly. Always my favourite position for a well-applied massage.

Now, a good massage always starts around the neck. Slow kneading of her shoulder-top muscles is a great way to instantly help her relax into the moment. An important issue to point out that’s more relevant to male-on-female massage is that of intensity. A lot of women are more sensitive to deep-tissue work — and not in a good way. Don’t just assume your pressure is good. Ask her. Don’t ask, “Do you like this?” but rather, ask “Is this too hard?” If she says “yes,” then find your way to what works for her. Don’t take it personally and don’t question her tastes. Do what she likes.This goes both ways.

Back to the gameplan. You’re kneading her neck the way she likes. Don’t forget to dote on that area at the top of her neck, where the skull meets the spine. This is the area that most contributes to relaxation. Spend a moment of two there, and then move on south. Don’t forget to throw the occasional neck nibble into the mix.

Dabble on the shoulders, and work your way down her spine, with the heel of your hand in the center on either side of the spine, and fingers stretched out. Just work it, occasionally skimming the surface lightly, like a soft breath, so she continues relaxing and falls into that lucid, sedate state. Don’t worry… you’re going to make her grow alert.

Now, towards the end of the back massage, as your hands slide down her back, follow your progress with your mouth. You can nibble and bite your way down, right down onto her ass, using a hand to massage her inner thighs, staying on the outer ridges of the vagina at the very least. You’re not going there yet.

The basic point, massage or no, is to work over her body before you work over her twat. Get her riled and excited before you enter her with your tongue or fingers. There’s something really great about getting the whole body relaxed before you tense her up with all that teasing and taunting of bringing her to the edge and retreating again.

With the back tended to, have her roll over, if she hasn’t already. You can mount her as you did with her backside, if you like, without entering her. It can be very, very arousing to simply have the length of your shaft pressing against the length of her cunt. It’s a very effective tease, so definitely pay attention to this detail.

If you’re taking this massage/foreplay approach, then lather her breasts and torso with the flavoured oil. Some of the most effective and erotic moves are also the simplest, like running your oily hands up her sides, all the way up her arms and returning slowly down them to rub and massage her shoulders from the front. Slowly move your hands down — rubbing her breasts, fiddling with the nipples, squeezing a little, or harder if she likes that kind of action. (I’d approve, but I’m not sure how many women like having their breasts aggressively manhandled. Chicks, care to vote on this?)

I feel that the more you explore and cover her whole body, the more she’ll lose any inhibitions she might have. When guys focus only on our ass, tits, and twats, our inhibitions about our imperfections can really shout at us. When they’re unafraid to own our whole bodies during the sexual experience, it can really bring out our boldness. When you want her, want all of her. She will respond — guaranteed.

Lean in and mouth her tits. Nibble, suck, and tongue them. (I say “tongue” as a verb as opposed to lick, since there’s a lot you can do with a tongue that doesn’t just involve licking — you can apply pressure, simply flick it, or more. Discover your tongue’s hidden talents in all areas of sex, not just oral.)

Fondle the other breast, and if you want to make her feel really cared for at this point, you can run a hand up to the back of her neck and knead it a little while you orally dote on the nipples. There’s a real pleasure to be found in simultaneously mixing sensitive actions with aggressive ones. The balance can be really fulfilling when you’re on the receiving end, so explore ways you can provide a little of each over the course of an evening.

If you’ve mounted her and have your shaft pressed between her legs, don’t forget to teasingly shift it from time to time. This’ll also keep you clued in to whether she’s wet enough to toy with yet, without having to use your hands. Hopefully, it’ll also keep you aroused and make you want to perform better as you’re sensing her level of arousal growing.

Smother her with your body, nibble her neck, kiss her on the lips, whatever you want to be doing, and then let the games begin.

Snake down her body, nibbling and sucking and biting as you go, until you reach that promised land.

Part Two.