Monthly Archives: May 2009

Love Me or Leave Me

“Makes me think of the ideal woman: smart like an academic, jokes like a buddy, sex like a whore, makes chicken pot pie like Paula Deen.” @neilochka

There you have it. I am the ideal. Almost. I’m more a brazen hussy than I am whorey. Can’t help it, I was brought up well. Hussy’s as far as my standards can lax.
Still: Sweet and good enough to take home and have Mom give you the thumbs up, but bad enough to keep it interesting and show you new ways to make use of your childhood closet. Continue reading →

Archie and Veronica? Let the Stereotypes Perpetuate

Reinforcing the reality that more than half of all marriages embarked upon will end in catastrophic divorce, the news has come out that Archie has popped the big question to Veronica.
Are they getting married? Well, that will all depend. This could be (and likely is) all just a big ploy to get people reinterested in a comic that has steadily but increasingly sucked for the last two decades.
Veronica? Over Betty? Really? Continue reading →

Hanging Up on Hang-ups

Funny how we get so hung up on our hang-ups we sometimes don’t even notice when they’ve disappeared.*
I was fucking floored Thursday night when I realized the varicose veins I’d been loathing for the last year had suddenly vanished in the last couple months, thanks to my awesome new fitness regime. Poof, gone.
Ironically, I’d already bought some spring clothes last month — and no shorts shorter than knee-length. For what mighta been something that didn’t even need hiding. Silly, silly.
It makes me wonder how often we get stuck in our insecurities, fears, loathings, all out of habit, rather than reality. Is it as bad as we fear? Are we merely choosing to dwell in shadows rather than turn the light on and see what we’re really judging? Continue reading →

Manufacturing Self

Should be rushing out the door, instead I found myself trying on a variety of clothes.
Tonight, the wardrobe-beefing-up continues with a visit to yet another couple department stores. Old Navy and its ilk can wait till the weekend sometime.
I’m still trying to figure out my new image, and new styles I can now wear that I never could before. For instance, did you know I had a waist? I certainly didn’t. I’m getting all hourglassy. The born-again Christians should try their shit on me now, ‘cos right this minute I’m a fuckin’ believer, baby. Continue reading →

A Moment of Smuggery* If You Please

I’ve noticed in the last week or so that my face is changing again, getting more definition. Tonight I went clothes-shopping. My Visa card says “See photo ID” on the back for verification, and now and again people actually ask. So, she looks at it, then looks at me, goes “Wait. Is that even you?”
Continue reading →

TwitBits: Why, if I were a spud

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think I was funny, but the truth is, I *do* try. I don’t have a lot of writing in me these days, but the banter on Twitter is good fodder for keeping me in the game. Some days are better than others. Here’s from today, all from before work in about 30 minutes (except the last two, written after my ride home) after I had an annoying visit on Facebook. Some days I have it, most days I don’t. It vanished on me as soon as I got home. Sigh. Poof.

_______________________

  • Woman, fuck, you and your Facebook quizzes. I’m no longer blocking THEM, I’m blocking you. “Are you a potato?” No, you’re fucking BLOCKED.
  • Who has the time to take a quiz to decide whether or not they’re a POTATO? What, are you STONED 24/7? I know potheads with less time. Continue reading →

Fifteen Long, Long Years

My night last night was powerful. I can’t do it justice, but I’ll try.
For a brief moment, I found myself in tears with one of my best friends as we had, yes, a profound moment over a McDonald’s cheeseburger in Robson Square.* The kind of tears I shed signal the end of something long and hard, a relief no one can understand unless they’ve been there.
My end? It was the first rock concert in about 15 years where I went came home pain-free. Continue reading →